Fertiliser

I've been so hungry today on two fronts, seriously hungry, it's felt like I've not eaten for days; right throughout the day just hungry - breakfast and dinner didn't cure my hunger pangs, even after both of them I was still hungry. I don't know but maybe we've invented a new diet regime, it's got nothing to do with eating less but everything to do with having a incredibly healthy and active sex life - we're going to call it shag yourself thin and we're sure it'll be way better, more fun and interesting than anything Paul McKenna can do. As a bonus it's a diet regime you can stick to, you aren't going to get bored of it after a couple of weeks (my baby's telling me not to judge others by my own standards here, but to correct him it should surely read - we should not judge others by our own standards, as in have you ever turned down sex with me babes? Do you not enjoy it as much as I do? I've been told that's a silly question and it is, it doesn't require an answer, I know you absolutely love it as much as I do and in vast quantities as I do! Not that we're telling everyone to partake in gay anal sex, we're not judging you by those standards, each to their own and all - if you're straight then, well you're stupid! It's a joke boys and girls, but we honestly don't get the benefits of being straight, it just doesn't register in our minds; then again I guess straight people don't get my baby and I. Oh whatever, I've gone so far off track again....) and it doesn't cost a thing! (I've just remembered the other thing I was going to say regarding judging others, it's surely not a bad thing to say everyone should get loads of sex - as long as it's safe, legal and consensual where's the big deal? I mean it's not judgemental to say every adult enjoys sex surely? And they want as much of it as possible? Maybe it's different for girls, perhaps they don't want as much sex as guys, we don't know; but when two guys are in love, well it's the most natural thing to do most of the time!)

Anyway I was on an early shift at work today although it wasn't as early a finish as my baby, so when I got home my baby was already in and once again he's just took care of me so much. Tea was on the go again and I didn't have to do a thing; once again tea was awesome, we had a fish and chips meal deal thing from Marks & Spencer; a complete meal for two for five pounds. For stuff you just shove in the oven for twenty minutes it was seriously tasty and despite it not being overly healthy it was still healthier than the deep fried alternative from the chip shop. As mentioned I was mega hungry so not only did we have fish, chips and mushy peas but between us we demolished a six pack of barm cakes too, the whole pack gone in one foul swoop. If nothing else our appetites for food are only matched by our appetites for each other (my baby just said he loves that statement, I guess it is kind of sweet, I just wrote it on the fly and didn't pay much attention, but he's right it is sweet and true!) But dear me, hot chips on freshly buttered barm cakes, is there anything else that's so simple but so heavenly? It's no wonder we have no barm cakes left; it did the trick anyway it's cured my hunger pangs, well it's cured both our hunger pangs, for food at least............

The second hunger pang, that's easy to figure out isn't it? I mean we've kind of spelt it out above and hinted about it on here in the past, you've got it right? Well, just in case you've not - I was on my final break at work before heading home and I found myself feeling horny; you can tell when I'm feeling horny because I start touching my cock (that's if I'm alone - I touch my baby's if he's with me, he usually gets the hint that I need shagging) not like wacking one off or anything but just like pressing it and rearranging it through my trousers and stuff (why am I telling you this? My baby's laughing at my attempts to tell you that I don't sit at work wanking all day! What do you do for a living? I'm a full time gay boyfriend and a part time professional wanker. Oh gosh - my baby's down, that's tickled him as that.) So I sent my baby a text message to tell him, amongst other things, that I was feeling horny; but to put a spin on it - the I'm horny baby has been seriously overused, almost to the point of extinction; and as I found myself in a frivolous mood I reinvented the phrase. Instead I told him that my ass needed fertilising, I know it's a cracker, even I was laughing when it popped into my head. Within seconds of sending it my baby phoned me up, I don't know why because he couldn't speak, all I could hear was the sound of him laughing whilst trying to ask me to explain the text message. As plain and as matter of fact as you like I simply said I'm horny - my ass needs fertilising, he began laughing again; and then when I said could you fertilise my ass for me please in a real innocent tone, well I didn't hear him speak for the next couple of minutes. My baby's laughing set me off and when all's said and done we used a phone call just to hear each other laughing, it was a top phone call too, it wasn't a waste at all.

So not only have we invented a new diet today we've also invented a new phrase, one that we can't stop using now and it still makes us laugh; laughter is the best medicine, well perhaps the second best behind getting your ass fertilised............

And this isn't a joke, we've just searched google after finishing the post to find a photo for it and we found the one that now adorns it. Seamungus, it's had us in absolute tatters, I've not written anything for the past five minutes because we've both been eating the carpet - oh my gosh, it contains fish, seaweed and humic acid; so that's where the taste comes from!! My baby's in absolute hysterics, I told you it's true - pump my ass full of seamungus; oh such top quality, just brilliant!