It's been quiet hasn't it blogger world and it's shown, I've not posted since Sunday which is very unusual for me; that's simply because I've got nothing much to say or tell you, nothing much has happened. It's been boring, work has been boring, life has been boring - everything has been boring; and it's all down to one thing, work.............
I've been on late shifts everyday this week and that trend will continue throughout what's left of it - every single day a late shift; I don't like late shifts for many a reason, I mean I'd sooner get the day done with - start early and finish early. But the main reason why I don't like late's is because by the time I get home, get showered, changed and have some tea the night has gone; it leaves me with little scope to do anything, it's just work and sleep. Which means I don't get to see my boyfriend, I've not seen him since I left for work Monday morning and it's starting to show - you've no idea how much I'm missing him. It's starting to hurt, seriously, I hate being apart from my baby for any length of time, it's horrible; admittedly he could come around when I'm on a late finish but we'd just have no quality time together. It would be late, we'd both be tired, we'd get a couple of hours together and then go to bed; of course it would be great to see him but it's far from perfect. In fact I think it's kind of selfish to expect him to come under such circumstances, neither of us would really gain any true satisfaction from such a fleeting visit - we could have sex but that's far from important. Quality time with my baby that's all I ask for, that's what I miss, everything else in our relationship is formed upon spending time with each other - that's what's really important and that's what's not happening.
Today it dragged me down, I was at work just thinking about it, thinking about my baby and it really did make me feel low; I don't think I've been my normal, happy self since Monday when the severity of our time apart became evident. Ever since I've struggled and today it blew me over, I was going to phone my baby but I was so emotional about it I knew if I did I would cry my heart out and that wouldn't help either of us - I left it until tonight to phone him, I only cried a little.................
It just feels like for the past month or so we've been clutching at straws to see each other, as if other forces are at play trying to keep us apart and upsetting the balance we try and maintain. I don't know, but the quality time we both look forward too has been in short supply - there's been few weekends off together, few nights out dancing and partying, few Sundays walking together hand in hand; and they seem to be getting fewer and further apart. It upsets me even though my baby tries his best to tell me it will be okay - and of course he's right, but it still upsets me. It just feels like I'm living to work rather than working to live, it's not a good place to be - I need my hugs and kisses, I need to feel my baby's touch and see his eyes and his smile; he makes me feel so happy, so alive and so loved. I guess it feels worse because of the time of year - it's almost Christmas, a time to spend with those you love and here we are, we may as well be a million miles apart.
I should have been off all this weekend which would have been perfect timing because my baby's off all weekend too but guess what? I've got to work Sunday, it's only 4 hours admittedly, but it's slap bang in the heart of the day, it's just torn it apart completely - I may as well be working the whole day for what good it leaves us with. You see what I mean? I've not got a weekend off again until the New Year - it's a complete travesty, work is ruling my fucking life and fucking it up completely; I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING JOB. I apologise for my language but it's keeping me apart from my baby - what kind of fucking life is that? Oh fuck it, life is just one almighty FUCK UP.
I'm sorry babes, it just upsets me - don't get mad at me when you read this, I just needed to let some steam off. The only problem I've really got is that I love you so much and that's a problem I'm happy to have. I just miss you so............ love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.
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I have been giving your problem a lot of thought and to be honest there is only two possible answers. If you love each other as you both obviously do then either you stay at each others place for alternate weeks or move in together. Love has never been easy, so talk to each other and come up with a solution, work is always going to be there because you need the money.
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