Fragile

Work has been a total and utter abomination and I know that's a real strong word to use but I use it regardlessly because it's true. Seriously, it's been horrible and as it takes up the majority of my days and there's no getting around the fact that I have to work to pay bills and fund my extravagantly gay lifestyle (tongue in cheek moment!) with my baby, it's dragged me down some. I've fought it well and I've not let it win but still, at this moment in time I'm far from happy in work, which is a shame because I absolutely love my job; I guess I'm very lucky in that respect and the job in itself is not the problem. It's such a shame you can't choose the people you have to work with..............

To be honest I was kind of fragile after my week away, the first day or so I always am after a break and I just wanted to creep back into the swing of things quietly and without disturbance. I've calmed down a great deal at work anyway, I always try to treat people with dignity and respect - everyone, whether they deserve it or not; but in the past I have been known to be aggressive in my tone occasionally. I could understand the treatment I've been subjected to if I was deserving of it, if I had been inflammatory or aggressive, but I've not. To the contrary I've been real meek, polite and pleasant even when I could so easily have been otherwise; but I've kept myself in check and not risen to a single piece of bait.

I don't know, perhaps I'm an easy target because of my pleasant disposition and I do know that I definitely am an easy target because of my sexuality; it saddens me, people say they're not homophobic and then take great pleasure it taking the piss out of me because I'm gay. Not in a real bad way admittedly but the casual comments and snide remarks hit the target regardless of the fact that they may be made in jest - it doesn't ease the suffering. I'm usually strong enough to cast aside such comments but lately, I don't know, I don't think anyone should have to endure such crap. You know some piece of trash called one of my mates a lesbian today, and even though she is a lesbian it was said in a real aggressive, confrontational manner - it made me feel physically sick. There's the point, everyone's for equality and yet everyone holds at least one prejudice, straight people rarely suffer, they don't understand...............

Regardless of anything else I've written, the one thing that stands tall amongst everything else is the fact that my baby often gets embroiled into these torrid tales; and that's so offensive that it doesn't even register on any kind of scale you care to mention. I'm fiercely protective of him, I'll protect him from any kind of harm because I love him to bits; and no one has any kind of business saying anything defamatory about him or our relationship. They don't even know him and I am so thankful of that, I'm so thankful I keep a clear divisional line between my work and my social life because I would never allow my baby to be subjected to such hatred - never in my life.

I'll take a guess at the fact that some people do not like to see me happy, in my eyes that's a fair comment; so they constantly have to try and drag me and my baby down. I guess because they've lived their sad, oh so straight existences for so long they've forgotten how to have fun and be happy; hence no one else is allowed to be happy in their life and their relationship. Well here's some news - straight relationships leave a great deal to be desired if that's the case and I'm so fucking happy within my personal life and so fucking happy with my beautiful boyfriend. So fucking happy it probably pisses some people off - UNLUCKY!