November

It's the last day of November, oh my gosh; there's like 3 hours of it left - where's it gone and more pointedly where's the year gone? I don't know, it's crazy if you sit back and think on it, which I've just done because I'm alone tonight - I have no beautiful boyfriend to keep me company; work again, late finishes again. It has a great deal to answer for, more than this..........

I caught myself thinking of him at work again today, I think it's the most beautiful thing - I was just kind of coasting along, minding my own business and he just floated in amongst the mix; he made my day even though he wasn't with me. He just made me smile and feel happy inside, it is, it's just such a sweet and innocent feeling; my baby has made me that way, the sweetness and innocence especially. Before we became serious even I'll admit I was kind of cold and cynical both in my personality and my outlook on life; now I just feel like a different guy in many respects, a much better person. Innocence is such a beautiful feeling to behold anyway, not that I'm saying I'm innocent because I'm not, far from it; but to feel that way just by being with my boyfriend, by wanting to love him, care for him and see him happy - that's the feeling.

But anyway, that's not what I really wanted to talk about tonight; I just wanted to point you in the direction of the website by Sarah Jurado - wife of Damien Jurado, one of my musical heroes. I've been wanting to do this for weeks but other stuff has always got in the way; and as the post I wish to refer to is about November, I can't really leave it any longer otherwise it just wouldn't be relevant. Sarah's website is fundamentally a photo blog and during November she posted a set of photos entitled, "All November looks like halloween"; it just speaks for itself. I think it contains some of the most beautiful and atmospheric photographs I've ever seen, it really does capture the essence of November. Like all her photography it says so much, probably more than any words could ever convey; I just think it's such a special gift, such a talent. I urge you to check it out, the link to the November set is below; no photo to accompany my post tonight either, I just couldn't compete!

http://www.sarahjurado.com/all-november-looks-like-halloween/

Priceless

I was working today but I managed to take a little time out to take a trip around Clinton Cards to buy some, well, cards - the clues in the name of the shop I guess! To be a little more precise I bought some Christmas Cards, special ones for the special people in my life - such as my folks, my brother, my gran, my auntie and uncle, my nephew, you know the scene right? Oh, I almost forgot, and I bought one for someone else too, someone very special, someone who I love very much; I wonder who that can be? Maybe it's the cute and sexy guy who's lap I'm sat in as I write? That sounds awful doesn't it - sat in his lap? It's not meant to be, I'll set the scene - my baby is lay across the sofa with his back up against the armrest and I'm sat in between his open legs with my back up against his chest; we're fully clothed and all! I just like being sat close to him, to be together with him, to feel as one; besides my baby can see what I'm writing like this and he can cuddle and kiss me too. I love cuddles and kisses from my boyfriend (hint alert) - thank you babes, I love you too xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox. He doesn't need a hint to give me cuddles and kisses by the way, I'm just being silly because I'm in a frivolous mood this evening; he gives lots of cuddles and kisses all the time - he makes me feel all fuzzy inside, I love my boyfriend xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox. The part about I almost forgot his card was me being silly too, how could I forget, it's impossible.

Back to the chase, I was in Clinton Cards because it kind of hit me today that it's December soon - almost Christmas and I've bought no cards; I didn't panic but it was like a shot of cold water to the face, a wake up call. All my other Christmas shopping is pretty much done and dusted; barring my Mum but I think my folks are visiting me over next weekend, so hopefully it will all be done by then. I'm pretty well organised this year, I mean we are still in November truth be told, there's still like four weeks to Christmas and I'm coasting; it's a good feeling. I'll finish the story eventually, I promise, my baby's laughing at my ramblings - why use one sentence to tell a story when you can use ten, you know? I just follow my train of thought that's all, if I go off on tangents it's because something I've said or written triggers something else in my mind; this explanation is not for my baby, he knows what I'm like, he enjoys my ramblings because he knows I'm at ease and happy when I do.

So I'm taking my time browsing through the collections of Christmas cards and if you've ever shopped in Clinton Cards you'll know that the cards don't have the price printed on them; instead they have a code which you check against a table on the displays to find out the price. Well, you can do if you want, me I don't, I never have done; I just find a card that appeals to me both in design and the words printed within - if I think it's suitable for the intended recipient it's a done deal. Apart from my baby that is, it appears Clinton Cards don't exactly cater for gay couples - I don't think any card shop does; we've never seen one. They've got lots of boyfriend cards admittedly but the vast majority of them are seriously heterosexual with pictures of a guy and a girl on the front; it's like how unbelievably stupid, I mean how could a guy love a girl? Girls aren't nice! I'm joking here girls and straight boys with girlfriends (yuk!) and again..........

Seriously though the choice was limited to some tune, there was very little to appeal to a gay guy with a boyfriend; I mean you can buy a Christmas card for your pets - I'm not joking, they had a section set out solely for them, I saw it with my own eyes! You can buy a Christmas card for your boss (go figure?), your teacher and your doctor - just about everyone; but you can't buy a Christmas card for your boyfriend if he happens to be gay and you happen to be a guy and gay too (which often helps in a gay relationship) but you probably already knew that right? I hope so anyway! Gosh, I am rambling tonight; at least it's keeping my baby amused; oh, I gave him the most beautiful blow job ever earlier - it was just divine and I loved it as much as my baby. We were planning on having sex and as we got down, dirty and horny during foreplay I started to suck him off; I was enjoying myself so much and I mean seriously enjoying giving my baby head that I didn't stop. I was just completely lost in the moment; my senses were so overwhelmed - looking my baby in the eye whilst my tongue, lips, mouth and throat worked their magic. Boy did I get a tasty treat for all my hard work; oh my gosh - it was magical and I couldn't believe how much of it there was too, it was immense! Oh dear, the lengths I'll go to get a Hollywood smile, it saves on buying Pearl Drops anyway (they say you shouldn't laugh at your own jokes but just gives us a minute, we're both in stitches here.)

Sorry, anyway I managed to find my baby a suitable card, it's not exactly the best ever but it's nice all the same; it was the nearest I could find that didn't suggest I was his girlfriend. In all I bought nine cards and was feeling pretty happy with myself because it was another job off the list; I strolled along to the till all happy and smiley handed over the cards so the cashier could scan them in. I'll never forget the words that followed, they'll haunt me for months, I'm certain I'll wake up in the middle of the night breathing hard with a cold sweat screaming at the top of my lungs HOW MUCH?

£42.87

No joke, for nine cards, I'm surprised I didn't faint; that's close on £5.00 a card! That said I don't mind in the least, hand on heart that's the truth, I mean if you want to show someone you're thinking of them and how much you love them at Christmastime it's a small price to pay. Most of the cards were only £1.00 each anyway - it would have cost me £8.00 if it wasn't for my baby; I'll let you do the maths. Second thoughts I'll do it for you - he's priceless..........

Chip shop

I was walking home from work this evening when all of a sudden out of nowhere came this urge to get tea from the chip shop; I don't know why, I didn't have food on my mind or anything like that. In fact my mind was just kind of rolling free, I was looking forward to getting home and seeing my baby when the chip shop floated into my thoughts out of nowhere. Isn't it strange that once you have such a thought you just cannot get it out of your mind? For the rest of my walk home variations of pie and chips, fish and chips and chip butties were making me feel so hungry my stomach was rumbling, it was crazy.

When I eventually arrived at my front door I opened it to be greeted by my baby - a smile, a kiss and a hug; it was the best welcome home. So good that my glasses steamed up, no joke, my baby says it's because I came into a nice warm house straight out of the cold; but I like to think it was because my baby is such hot stuff. His kiss and hug was so hot it set me on fire inside, so much so that it steamed my glasses up - we both like my version, it made my baby laugh at the time when I told him. It's true anyway, he's seriously hot stuff, hand on heart there's no other guy that comes close; a kiss and a hug from him makes me go weak at the knees - but that's another story for another day.............

But it was just wonderful to be greeted by him when I got home, he was working today too but finished mid afternoon, he went back to his flat to pick some stuff up and then, there he was waiting for me. To come in out of the cold, and it was seriously cold to be given a big warming, comforting hug and an even bigger kiss warmed me instantly through, right through to my heart and soul. I went upstairs to get washed and changed and all the time the chip shop was eating away at my thoughts, I couldn't clear it from my mind. I returned downstairs to find my baby had brewed up, we sat and talked about the day, drank some coffee and I told him about my obsession for a chip shop tea; thankfully my baby was in agreement with me which was a minor miracle. I don't know what I'd have done if he said he didn't fancy it, seriously I think I would have had to seek some therapy or something, maybe consult a psychiatrist over the phone. Can you imagine it, I'd have probably got sanctioned straight away - I've got a guy on the phone and he can't stop thinking about the chip shop, he's completely gone!

My baby offered to go in his car but as there's a chip shop around the corner from me I asked if we could walk. My baby said it would be just as easy to go in the car but I told him I really wanted to walk there because I wanted to walk with him and hold his hand. I know, it's kind of sickly sweet there's no need to tell me, but I did, I just wanted to walk through the cold night with my boyfriends hand in mine. Whatever, my baby gave me a kiss, a cuddle and told me, well, he told me something that made me feel so loved, you don't need to know everything but, gosh he's just so beautiful and he's got a direct line straight to my heart.

We walked to the chip shop, hand in hand through the cold and the darkness; it was just magical - to feel his hand in mine, I don't know, it just means everything. It's a trust, a bond, a sharing of feelings and of love; our love unspoken - it says I love you in silence, it's pure, it's innocent and it's life deconstructed to its most fundamental state. Gosh, I'm getting carried away aren't I? Anyway, tea was just awesome; seriously and totally fantastic - just so tasty and satisfying, you can't beat proper chip shop chips, it's impossible. In case you're wondering I had cheese & onion pie, chips and gravy; my baby had pudding, chips, peas and gravy; we demolished a tower of bread & butter and now, well it was just as good as I imagined. Even my baby said it was and he wasn't even thinking the thoughts!

We're heading out for a few beers tonight, nothing major league, we're just staying local but it'll be good all the same; life's always good when you keep things simple.........................

Have a great night blogger friends - be safe, keep warm and have fun; if you love someone tell them. I'll start the ball rolling - I love you boyfriend, I love you to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Whoever we are

I love my baby, I don't know it just hit home again this evening, it struck me real good right in the heart. We were talking about today, about our lunchtime rendezvous and we both agreed it was magical; it's the first time I've ever gone to meet my baby from work, it was just so utterly romantic. Just to see him walking across the road towards me with a smile that lights up the World - it really did make my heart skip a beat. My baby said I made it his best day at work ever - which is just the kindest and the sweetest thing to say; it made me very emotional when he told me.

We've also talked about when we were cuddled up together underneath his umbrella; and what I didn't tell you in my earlier post, for a while my baby put his hand on my bum whilst we were walking. Not in a groping, sexual way but in a caring, togetherness kind of way; it was a beautiful feeling, a feeling I love. I adore being the effeminate, passive guy in our relationship; it's not a choice anyway, I always have been that way inclined and not just in a sexual tone. It's just within my nature and my baby, unlike a great deal of other guys, he just takes such good care of me, he puts me so at ease with myself and with him my true nature just shines through. It's such a beautiful place to find myself in - I've been corrected, it's such a beautiful place to find ourselves in; it is, it truly is - bless you babes.

As you all know I get hurt at the drop of a hat, as a result I find it very difficult to open up my heart and my soul to others; I just struggle to convey my true emotions, I guess because I am very emotional. It takes a great deal of love, trust and nurturing to even begin to allow my true self through; and it just says everything you ever wanted to know about how I feel for my boyfriend. I've never allowed myself to be so true as I am with him and it wasn't a struggle to do it, it came about so easily and pretty much unnoticed; I have no secrets with my baby because I know no fear when I'm with him.

All in that moment earlier today - my baby walking through the crowded streets of Manchester with his hand on my bum; it made me feel loved, it was the perfect reflection of our relationship, of us and of the time we've spent together. Whoever my baby and I are in peoples eyes and whatever we are in peoples minds, we cannot change that, we wouldn't know where to begin anyway; all we can hope for is that they don't mean us any harm. But we know what we are, we are nothing more than two ordinary guys, very fortunate guys but ordinary all the same; we found each other and somehow, somewhere love followed us..............

Star

Apparently I'm now a television star - I was on GMTV this morning; quite unwittingly I might add, but it's good all the same. I hope I looked good, if I'd have known I'd have done my make up! I guess it was only a matter of time before my talents were finally recognised and I got on national television; although my baby reckons my true talents should be shown on pay-per-view television - he makes me laugh! Only if I can co-star with you babes, you're the only guy I ever want to get laid by - I think we could show some of them a thing or two anyway.

Anyway, the Beardsmiths - family of the year or whatever they won on GMTV performed at the Christmas Lights Switch On at work earlier this month. They were recorded for GMTV and it was aired today with me stood in the background I guess; I don't know how much you see of me or for how long but I'm in there. We've not seen it, I was still in bed and my baby was at work; not that we watch GMTV anyway. But since we found out we've been searching the internet to see if it's online, unfortunately without success; I hope someone at work has recorded it because we both want to desperately see it. If anyone has either recorded it or has managed to track it down online please get in touch, you'll make two gay-boys very happy and we'll love you forever!

In the meantime my baby's been on the phone to Rach telling her about it and asking her to ask around to see if anyone has a copy of it. You should have heard him, it was absolutely hilarious, so, so funny - my boyfriends a TV star, he's been on GMTV. Truth be told I'm not the only star, my baby is an absolute gem, he doesn't need television to make him shine. He's been giving me advice on my new found fame, telling me not to let any groupies hang around with me because they'll only be after one thing; like I said he's a star, he's so funny. He's no need to worry anyway because there is no competition, compared to my baby every other guy just pales into insignificance; I love him so much and I never tire of telling him and showing him xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Should we ever track down a copy of the GMTV footage, I'll post it on here; but for now I've got to go. There's a real cute guy asking for my autograph - where would you like me to sign babes?

My sunshine

It's been a strange old day blogger friends, strange for many reasons. It's Friday - a weekday and you find me not at work, I'm on a rest day; like I said very strange, I don't think I've taken a day off in the week, barring holidays, since my baby's birthday in March - it's been a long time. Hence, I've found myself mostly alone because it's a weekday and my baby's working; it's an odd feeling, I don't really like days off in the week for this reason alone. But I've made seriously good use of the day and despite me near enough condemning the day, it's been great and I've had a ball - I guess life is what you make it............

With my baby working I took advantage of the alone time and headed into Manchester to do some Christmas shopping. Again it was strange - travelling into Manchester on my own, no boyfriend to talk to, no hand to hold and no one to share the day with. It's the first time I've been into Manchester without my baby since we've been together - it wasn't the same, it wasn't fun, it was just different; there were a different set of parameters at work. And I shopped differently than I normally would if he were with me, that may sound strange but it's true; when we're together we take our time, browsing the shops, running ideas off each other and just let the day take us along for the ride. Today, I was very regimental, I knew I wanted to get certain things and I stuck to that task; there was not much casual browsing, it was straight to the point kind of shopping. It was still fun because I was shopping for my baby, buying him some gifts for Christmas and it really did give me a warm, happy, contented feeling inside. I bought him some fabulous things, I hope he loves them as much as I do, I think he will, I think I have a good gauge of what he likes after spending so much time with him. One thing in particular is just divine, I mean I'm seriously envious of it, I so wanted it myself and as soon as I saw it I fell in love with it. I think it will suit my baby perfectly, it's the most beautiful thing ever - just like him, so it should.............

The highlight of the day? I met my baby for lunch, I told him last night I would be shopping in Manchester so we planned to meet up during his lunch break. Gosh he looks so cute and so sexy in his workwear, he makes me feel so very proud to be his boyfriend and he had the foresight to bring an umbrella. The weather was true to form for a November day in Manchester - cold and raining; we must have looked kind of odd cuddled up together under the umbrella whilst walking along. Particularly because I was wearing a pair of black Adidas wet look track pants, I guess I looked like a scally to be honest; and there I was cuddled up to a guy dressed for business! But with the weather as it was to put on a pair of jeans or regular track pants I'd have been soaked to the skin, at least with these track pants they kind of repelled the water. Besides I was feeling horny this morning when I was deciding what to wear and they are the most horniest track pants ever - so smooth, shiny and tactile; and as a result awesomely gay. I must be showing my age too because I forgot to put any pants on underneath; and with the rain and the rain blowing up against them the feeling was just incredible. You don't have to tell me I know I'm a naughty boy!

My baby copped a feel too, as we kissed goodbye after lunch just before he headed back into work his hand must have slipped across the smooth fabric; I guess it was a surprise to him judging by his reaction. In the end I had to tell him stop otherwise it would have been evident to everyone around us that I wasn't wearing any pants. If we had more time on our hands I would have gladly led him by the hand to the nearest public toilets to carry on; perhaps it's just as well we didn't, neither of us really want a criminal record. Whatever my baby's parting advice was to keep the track pants on until he gets home tonight - we'll see how long they last thereafter.............

Now I'm back home, warm and dry; my baby's presents have been duly hid and I'm just killing some time before he gets back from work. I can't wait to see him again, his smile lit up my day today - it may have been a cold, wet Winters day but for the brief time I spent with my baby it felt like Summer. He's my sunshine, I love him to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Disaster

All day I've had my baby on my mind - all day long the thought of seeing him tonight has kept me going; not that it's been a bad day at work today. I've kept myself at a distance from everyone, I know I've been distant and it's been done deliberately to avoid any further distress; it's made it a good day - I'm happy! There's a great deal to be said for happiness..........

I've not seen my baby since he left for work on Tuesday morning and I've missed him, of course I miss him, but that old adversary called work and late shifts in particular have kept us apart. I just couldn't wait to see him and not because I need a shoulder to cry on after all the bullshit I've had to endure lately - it's just because he's the most beautiful guy ever. That and the fact that I've been feeling ridiculously horny, I need to get seriously laid and I know my baby is more than qualified to take on such a role. Why is it that during the times when I know I'll be apart from my baby I feel stupidly horny? When there's nothing that can be done to appease my desire? Barring the obvious of course, but it's not the same as the real deal, it doesn't even come close to getting physical and intimate with my boyfriend!

So I was so happy when home time came and I'm certain I was walking at double pace to get back home until, well I encountered a slight problem in trying to actually get home. The route I normally walk was cordoned off by the police, there were lots of police and fire engines; and the traffic was a complete mess. There was something on fire on a road near to my house, far enough away for it not be of any concern to me but near enough to cause me some disruption in trying to get back home. It was obviously a very large fire, not that I could get anywhere near it but the smoke coming from it and the amount of fire engines in attendance was proof enough. A short detour later I found my way safely through towards my street and then it hit me - they were allowing pedestrians through but all roads leading to my street were sealed off to traffic by the police; and even my street was cordoned off too.

It was like a Hollywood disaster movie, I mean the fire was bad enough but the real disaster was the fact that someone who wanted to visit me in their car would not be able to get within a country mile of my house, someone like my boyfriend say! You couldn't have scripted a movie any better and to put it politely I was gutted, seriously gutted and the ensuing telephone conversation with my baby was horrible; whilst I was speaking to him I could envisage all our plans for the night fading away. I could hear it in his voice, it was more than evident in mine, it was the worst piece of timing in the history of two gay-boys in love. My baby was trying to plan an alternate route - how about if I go this way or try that way or try to blag the police to let me through; I mean he's got the real gift of the gab but I was stood watching the deserted road in front of me - nothing was getting through except emergency vehicles. I could have cried, I'm surprised I didn't.....................

I walked down the street to my house, went in, got washed, changed, made a coffee, smoked some cigarettes and just kind of sat there feeling sorry for myself. I opened the front door, peered out down the street to find it still cordoned off; I came inside, phoned my baby back and we'd pretty much resigned ourselves to defeat. My baby suggested I just go check once more, I thought it was pretty futile until I opened my front door and saw a car driving out of my street towards the main road; I stood out on the pavement and watched it disappear. Involuntary, I swore and my baby thought there was something seriously wrong; I asked him to hang on whilst I walked to the end of my street to check for sure. A police car passed and following it behind were a steady stream of cars; the adjoining street where the fire was was still blocked off and full of fire engines and police but they'd reopened the main road and more importantly my street. I screamed like a girl, which is nothing to be proud of, but it was more out of sheer relief and joy than anything else; my heart was racing and it felt like a lead weight had been lifted from me.

Suffice to say my baby's on his way, a little later than planned, but it's always better late than never; always.....................

Fragile

Work has been a total and utter abomination and I know that's a real strong word to use but I use it regardlessly because it's true. Seriously, it's been horrible and as it takes up the majority of my days and there's no getting around the fact that I have to work to pay bills and fund my extravagantly gay lifestyle (tongue in cheek moment!) with my baby, it's dragged me down some. I've fought it well and I've not let it win but still, at this moment in time I'm far from happy in work, which is a shame because I absolutely love my job; I guess I'm very lucky in that respect and the job in itself is not the problem. It's such a shame you can't choose the people you have to work with..............

To be honest I was kind of fragile after my week away, the first day or so I always am after a break and I just wanted to creep back into the swing of things quietly and without disturbance. I've calmed down a great deal at work anyway, I always try to treat people with dignity and respect - everyone, whether they deserve it or not; but in the past I have been known to be aggressive in my tone occasionally. I could understand the treatment I've been subjected to if I was deserving of it, if I had been inflammatory or aggressive, but I've not. To the contrary I've been real meek, polite and pleasant even when I could so easily have been otherwise; but I've kept myself in check and not risen to a single piece of bait.

I don't know, perhaps I'm an easy target because of my pleasant disposition and I do know that I definitely am an easy target because of my sexuality; it saddens me, people say they're not homophobic and then take great pleasure it taking the piss out of me because I'm gay. Not in a real bad way admittedly but the casual comments and snide remarks hit the target regardless of the fact that they may be made in jest - it doesn't ease the suffering. I'm usually strong enough to cast aside such comments but lately, I don't know, I don't think anyone should have to endure such crap. You know some piece of trash called one of my mates a lesbian today, and even though she is a lesbian it was said in a real aggressive, confrontational manner - it made me feel physically sick. There's the point, everyone's for equality and yet everyone holds at least one prejudice, straight people rarely suffer, they don't understand...............

Regardless of anything else I've written, the one thing that stands tall amongst everything else is the fact that my baby often gets embroiled into these torrid tales; and that's so offensive that it doesn't even register on any kind of scale you care to mention. I'm fiercely protective of him, I'll protect him from any kind of harm because I love him to bits; and no one has any kind of business saying anything defamatory about him or our relationship. They don't even know him and I am so thankful of that, I'm so thankful I keep a clear divisional line between my work and my social life because I would never allow my baby to be subjected to such hatred - never in my life.

I'll take a guess at the fact that some people do not like to see me happy, in my eyes that's a fair comment; so they constantly have to try and drag me and my baby down. I guess because they've lived their sad, oh so straight existences for so long they've forgotten how to have fun and be happy; hence no one else is allowed to be happy in their life and their relationship. Well here's some news - straight relationships leave a great deal to be desired if that's the case and I'm so fucking happy within my personal life and so fucking happy with my beautiful boyfriend. So fucking happy it probably pisses some people off - UNLUCKY!

luv u

this is my boyfriend sometimes hes very silly. he makes me laugh and be happy. im always happy when im with him. i love him he makes me :-)

he has got a pair of rainbow socks. theyre very colourful. he likes wearing bright clothing. rainbows are gay just like him. i think thats why he wears them lol.

he likes rainbows so much he has got a pair of pants to match his socks. he likes to have things that match. he has got loads of pants. more pants than socks. i dont know why because he doesnt wear them long enough. i know that ;-D

theyre made by diesel. he doesnt need diesel to make him go. he just needs me. that makes me happy aswell lol. heres a picture of the back of his pants. i like this picture because i like his bum. i see this alot. hes got a very sexy bum it makes me horny. my boyfriend lets me do things to his bum. it makes us both happy lol.

heres his pants and his socks together. i told you they matched. i thinks hes tired and is taking a rest here. or hes trying to tempt me. its working aswell. i could pull his sexy pants off his sexy bum now ;-0 i see this alot aswell and i have loads of practice of pulling his pants down lol.

this is my boyfriends lamp in his living room. ive not seen a lamp like this before i met him. its a strange shape. i think it has another use.

its the biggest butt plug in the world lol. be careful its still plugged in. sex toys and electricity dont mix. i can think of something better to put up there.

now hes blowing me kisses. i love kisses from my boyfriend. and i love to give him kisses back. hes a big softie and needs lots of kisses and cuddles. i like to look after him.

look hes gone all shy. he covers his mouth when he goes shy. people dont think hes shy but he is. i love that side of him. his shyness and sensitivity. its his true nature underneath coming through. it makes me want to give him a big cuddle and tell him everything will be alright. thats why i love him :-)

goodbye. hes holding the doggie i bought him. its holding a love heart in its mouth and it says i love you. i got it him because hes the best boyfriend in the world and i love him silly. hes got a nice body too. its sexy just like his pants. and his pants have got a nice bulge in the front. you can look but you cant touch. thats my job. go get your own sexy boyfriend.

thanks for the lovely weekend babes. its good to have you back. and i missed you. life isnt the same when youre not in it. luv u loads and loads and loads and loads xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox. can i take your pants off now lol.

The 49th parallel

There's a lot of people who bemoan the weather, particularly at this time of year and particularly so of late with all the rain we've seen. I think it's a gift, seriously, I mean I love winter anyway, but still it's great because there is nothing better after spending the day out and about with my baby in the rain and cold than to return late afternoon, as the night is descending, to a warm and dry home. We both commented on it as we made our way in through the front door and took off our shoes and coats, it's just so welcoming and such a relief to feel the warmth surround you and take away the chill. It's poetry, unwritten poetry admittedly, but if it did contain verse it would be the most magical piece ever written.

That theme has continued throughout the rest of the night, we didn't have lunch whilst we were out because we weren't hungry; after the mega pizza meal last night and the cooked breakfast this morning it's seen us through. But after strolling around together for many an hour in the fresh air we were certainly more than a little peckish come tea time; and what better way to rid our hunger pangs than with a good old fashioned stew. Admittedly, I didn't make it myself, I picked it up from Sainsburys yesterday when I went shopping; regardless of whoever made it is was awesome. Beef and ale casserole with dumplings; and we made some mash to go with it, it was just divine, real hearty winter food and absolutely perfect after such a day. And I say we made some mash to go with it because we did, it was a team effort, I only highlight the fact because it was such fun cooking with my baby in the kitchen. It's rare we cook together, it's usually only one of us whilst the other relaxes; we should do it more often we had great fun.

We had after dinner coffee and just kind of basked in the warmness with full stomachs, clear heads and warm hearts before we did what comes naturally to us - although I'm not going to linger on the ins and outs of it tonight. (Sorry I couldn't resist, but that's all I promise.) We shared a piping hot Molton Brown Black Pepper bubble bath together and I mean almost blister inducing hot but it soaked away any remaining aches or pains. The black pepper is divine by the way, it's the most gorgeous winter time bath you could ever have; the smell is intoxicating and although I appreciate it's £16 a bottle you should just buy it and try it. Trust us, if you want a winter pick me up, it will do it, it's our favourite bath and shower product ever.

Now we're sat together on the sofa, super relaxed, dressed down in loungewear and just so comfortable and happy; my baby has a glass of Brandy and my glass is filled with Whisky. Hymns of the 49th parallel by KD Lang is playing softly on the stereo, I put it on quite deliberately, it's one of favourite winter records and suits the night so well. It's the first time my baby has listened to it, he's quite taken aback but it doesn't surprise me - it's an absolute gem of a record. The cover of Joni Mitchell's "A case of you" is one of the most perfect pieces of music ever recorded, it just touches my heart and makes me emotional. To top it all off Rach has just sent us the most beautiful email thanking us for last night and despite us replying already we just want to say thank you again to her; one of our best straight mates, we love spending time with you even if we do get told off occasionally! But it was a great night and I'm glad I managed to capture it so well on here; in fact it's been a great week - friends, family and loved ones, for all of you with whom I've spent time with this past week and this weekend especially, you've made a difference, you always do. I'm starting to cry, I love you all to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Forgotten to disappear

We went to Deansgate in Manchester this afternoon, just for a walk around the canal and waterways; it was beautiful, it was Manchester and it was raining. It seemed the perfect weather to be honest, it really did set the mood and suited the spirit of the place very well. I love the kind of darkness and dampness around Deansgate on such days, it seems like a place that time has forgot in some respects, in places it looks like it needs a little tender loving care (don't we all?); not that it does because it would take away from its mood.

I don't know but it just connects with me somewhere inside my soul, I could feel its history, it's a place that I feel like I know inside out even though I don't; and it seems somewhat out of place - I was talking to my baby about this whilst we were walking around, it's not something you really expect in the middle of a big city like Manchester. I don't know how else to explain it, it seems like it's a relic from a bygone era, something that's forgotten to disappear in time - that's a wonderful way to explain it, something that's forgotten to disappear............

Regardless of my thoughts it's a wonderful place to take a Sunday afternoon stroll together, wrapped up against the wind and the rain whilst holding hands all the way. It's a great way to feel alive, to feel nature blowing hard in our faces, all the mystery, history and beauty surrounding us, the warmth and safety of my baby's hand in mine and to just share such moments; that's the crux of the matter, that's what life is about, sharing such moments with someone you love. It wouldn't have been the same without him, it just wouldn't, I just love the feeling of his hand in mine when we're out - it makes me feel so loved; and I go on about it way too much but that's because it does mean so much. We can just walk and talk for hours, as always it's such a simple thing, I guess we lose ourselves in each other, any worries we have disappear and our focus is purely on the here and now - it's one of things neither of us have found in another guy, it's very special, I love my baby xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox.

The rain stopped mid afternoon and it brightened up for a while, which I thought was a real shame. I love the way the old stone bridges and pathways look kind of real dark, foreboding and ominous when it's wet; the rain really does make them stand out stark even against a grey sky. It reminds me of a perfect film noir setting, the darkness, the shadows and the feel of decay. We were stood beneath one of the bridges, watching the world slide quietly by whilst the wind whistled through the tunnel; my baby pulled me close, held me real tight, smiled and kissed me. The look in his eyes just, I don't know, he didn't need to say anything, but he did; it's been a perfect day..................

Modern love

If I could live one moment in my life again and again, on constant repeat, I'd pick last night; what a wonderful night - just so simple, innocent and life affirming. It always does it to me, the most simplest of things in life, just sharing time with people I love, without agenda; it was nothing special just a couple of friends getting together and enjoying a Saturday night in - it made it all the more special. I don't know but to just see familiar, friendly, happy, smiling faces; to know they love me just for being me and I can be myself without fear of being judged or ridiculed is and means everything.

Rach was waiting for us when we got to my baby's flat and as always I was greeted with a big hug, a kiss and a smile; I thanked her for looking after my baby whilst I was away - not that he really needs any looking after, I mean he's quite capable of looking after himself. But still, it makes me happy to know that when I can't be with him he's got Rach in his life - they get on so well together, we all get on so well together. My baby ordered pizza and got it delivered, the pizza delivery guy must have been cursing us because I've never seen so much food in my life; two giant 14" pizzas, garlic bread with cheese, coleslaw, onion rings and potato wedges. He wouldn't take a penny off me either, he said it was his treat, I asked him why and he just said because................

Now we're normally very civilised, we always eat at the dinner table but last night saw us slouched on the sofas around the coffee table in his living room; the table was covered in the pizza boxes and we just helped ourselves - it was magical. It felt so relaxed and unrestricted, sat back talking, laughing, gorging ourselves on pizza whilst music played on the stereo; the most perfect setting you could ever imagine. It was like a retreat - it was cold, dark and raining outside but so warm, bright and alive inside; like seeing a light shining in the window of a house on a cold winters night, a beacon guiding you home safe and warm. My baby and I got told off by Rach - we had a competition to see who could fit the most food into their mouth in one go; suffice to say it ended quite messy as we both set off laughing whilst our mouths were full of pizza. I was literally crying with laughter whilst trying to catch bits of pizza that were falling from my mouth - I couldn't eat for laughing; anyway my baby admitted defeat but said I only won because I'm used to having a large portion in my mouth. I don't know what he meant either..............

With little washing up to worry about, we cleared up, cracked open a few beers and sat back to watch Cloverfield; my baby and I have seen the movie before but Rach hasn't, I couldn't believe she'd not seen it - it's an awesome movie. Wonderfully scripted and shot - it's like filmed from a first person point of view on a camcorder and really gets you into the middle of the action. It starts off real slow and puts you into a false state of security before it suddenly jolts you onto a roller coaster ride of sheer terror that doesn't let go right up until the end. It really is one of the best movies of its kind and doesn't offer any crude explanation as to why any of it is happening - it just happens and it's all the better for it; if you've not seen it then you must, no questions, if or buts, just see it. Whilst we we're watching the movie my baby got told off again by Rach, we were sat together on the sofa cuddled up when my baby's hand started to stray below the waistband of my track pants - I wasn't about to complain, I mean it was quite enjoyable but I guess we weren't being as secretive as we thought. Can't you keep your hands off each other for five minutes broke the moment, I could see my baby trying his best not to laugh and then Rach asked me does it not bother you always getting groped like that? That was it, we both set off laughing, I mean what a daft question, one that she soon retracted because it was so obvious that I love getting groped like that; she saw the funny side, shaking her head and admitting she should know better than asking a question like that!

Rach also put a new spin on the movie, one that we'd not thought of, it was like an oh my gosh moment - she said it's really a love story; through all the action and terror at it's heart is a story of two people in love. We just love it for the action and the terror, put your mind into neutral and get carried away; but she's right, thinking on it is a story of modern love, straight love but love all the same. We were kind of gobsmacked, kind of oh yes so it is and then we argued why couldn't it have been a story about two gay-boys in love, we would have been the perfect characters for it barring the less than happy ending. Anyway the beer continued to flow along with the conversation and the laughter until about 1 o'clock in the morning; Rach called it a night, we cleared up and then retired to bed. Although retired is probably incorrect because despite the major consumption of alcohol we did anything but sleep, oh my gosh my baby started where he left off when he got told off earlier and then some. Just like Cloverfield, only with my body taking the place of NYC, it was annihilated to some tune - drunken sex is just so damn hard, horny, dirty and utterly spectacular; how I love being shagged like a drunken whore!

I woke up this morning kind of confused, possibly through the beer but mostly due to the fact that it was third different bed I've woken up in in as many days. Three beds in three days is quite an achievement but it's the first morning I've not woken up alone, so it's not as it seems; whatever to wake up in any bed with my beautiful boyfriend next to me as naked as the day he was born is a great way to start the day. And we started today with a bang, I may never walk straight again! Breakfast has been duly taken, my baby cooks the most wonderful breakfast, doesn't it always smell and taste better when someone else cooks it? We've drunk a pot of filter coffee, we've kissed, we've cuddled and I've told my baby I love him; it looks like today is going to be a great day...........

Follow the lights

My baby didn't bring his weekend bag for one very good reason - he's not staying with me; and despite such news I'm not upset nor about to cry because it's not bad news. On the contrary it's real good news I've been packing my overnight bag because I'm staying with my baby, we're going to his flat tonight. Apparently there's someone there who's missed me too and wants to see me; I wonder who.............?

Despite me only just unpacking and getting back home after a week away, this evening has found me packing up again, I don't know whether I'm coming or going these days (although I'd sooner be cumming again!) but I couldn't be happier, I love life when it's busy and filled with people I love; and right now that's exactly where I'm at. Besides when I got back home last night and realised I'd be on my own I did feel kind of lonely; I guess after spending so much time with my folks to come back to an empty home and no boyfriend hit me hard - I don't like feeling like that. I didn't tell my baby that but he knew - he told me; I guess because when I phoned him last night I didn't want him to hang up, I just wanted to hear a familiar voice to guide me through the darkness; that and the fact that he does just know me, probably better than I know myself.

So tonight is going to be anything but lonely - there's a promise of pizza, of beer, of friends, of love and laughter; it's the perfect antidote. There's me going shopping today to stock the fridge up only to find my baby pull a surprise like that on me; truth be told I didn't have to think twice when he asked me, besides the food will last for another day and there's nowhere else I'd rather spend tonight. We weren't planning on going out anyway, it was always going to be a quiet night in, so all we've really done is changed location, added an extra friend and perhaps ditched some of the quietness. Whatever, it's time spent amongst people I love, my boyfriend especially - such time has been in short supply this week. Have a great night dear readers, love to you all and I'll catch up with you all later xxxxxxxx.

The song's for Rach and my beautiful boyfriend - there was never anywhere to go but home.........

Truthfully

I never wonder why but if I needed a reminder to see those eyes, that smile and hear those words again did the trick; how I adore my cute and sexy boyfriend. I smiled, I cried, I held him tight and never wanted to let him go; and that was even before I managed to shut the front door. It was his eyes and his smile, I don't know but they just kind of light up my world - I get lost within them and all my worries and fears seem to fade away at the sight of them; I couldn't help it they made me cry, out of sheer relief that my baby was back with me if nothing else. It's just so good to have him back, to see him, to touch him, to feel him and to kiss him; man he makes me so happy, stupidly happy - I love him to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

He arrived straight from work, looking gorgeous as ever in his formal wear and I didn't even notice he'd not brought his weekend bag with him - I was too busy looking below the waistband of his trousers, how they fit him so well, you'd have no idea and I've no idea how he isn't propositioned at least ten times a day by both girls and boys; it's a mystery. Not that I'm complaining, he's all mine, but still there must be some people out there with strange tastes in men - I find it bizarre, the cutest and sexiest gay-boy in Manchester can walk about without hinderance; except from me but that is acceptable! Not that he's ever gone short of a shag when he's gone out looking for it, except for the fact that most guys thought he was a bottom and not a top - I guess that's what being so cute does for peoples perceptions; but that's another story entirely and I've no idea why I'm sharing it with you. Thankfully those days are gone for the both of us, all the sex we could possibly want is found exclusively with each other, it's fantastic - I've never been happier with another guy in my life and to prove it................

Well, it had been close on a week since we last had sex and if you've took notice of my use of the past tense within that sentence you'll understand that a week for two horny boyfriends is a very long time. We didn't waste any time, in fact it's all I've been thinking of all day - to undress my baby, to touch and taste him before feeling him inside of me. Sometimes I feel guilty for thinking of him in such terms because despite it not being the truth I can't help it - I think of his cock, I've got cock on the brain and that's not just metaphorically speaking! But my baby takes it as a compliment and indeed he often thinks the same way about me - I'm a nice warm cock receptacle (not my words) apparently (and yes that is staying in babes); he's not as innocent as he looks! But he makes me laugh so and we have no need for innocence anyway, we'll take sex any day of the week thank you, it's way more fun and pleasurable.

Despite the time that has elapsed since we last had sex neither of us forgot how to do it, I think my baby made up for the time apart in one session - he's left me kind of sore as a result; man I didn't think he was going to stop. Not that I'm complaining because it was amazing, oh my gosh to get naked with my baby, to feel his skin against mine, his body heat and his body weight pressed up against my open legs whilst he looks into my eyes is a joy in itself; there's something just so horny about maintaining eye contact during sex - to see the joy and pleasure written across my baby's face. My baby tells me watching me go through the emotion of cumming through penetration alone is the best sight in the world and often sends him over the edge. I don't doubt him although I doubt I look my best ever during such; but it is the best feeling in the world or perhaps the second best feeling in the world. The best feeling is afterwards - hot, sweaty and short of breath; lay in my baby's arms whilst kissing, cuddling, whispering sweet nothings into his ear and gazing into his eyes. It's those moments that make me feel loved in every single way possible - physically, emotionally, spiritually and most important of all truthfully.

Back

Good afternoon Blogger World, it's been a while hasn't it and I've missed you. I've been away to see my folks in Wesham, we had a great week - it was my Mums Birthday on 13 November so we went out Birthday and Christmas Shopping. We went to Preston and Blackpool and although I absolutely despise Blackpool for all the right reasons - why people choose to holiday there is a mystery, it's cheap and tacky; it does offer a great day out shopping. It's not in the same league as Manchester but still it's a great location for spending lots of money which of course I did, believe it or not I didn't spend a penny on myself - seriously; but I have pretty much wrapped up Christmas! So all in all it was a fruitful trip and spending some time with my folks is always time well spent and they live in the most beautiful part of the world amongst trees, countryside and wildlife - just so relaxing.

I went up on Monday and got back late last night - I was planning on staying until Sunday but I needed to get stuff done before my return to work on Monday, I don't like rushing around on the last minute. Besides I missed my baby, I missed him so much and despite talking to him or texting him every night it just wasn't the same; in fact it probably made it worse - being so close yet so far away just tugged on my heart strings. We were hoping to see each other last night, my baby got so excited when I told him I was coming home early but by the time I did eventually get back, well the night had gone, it would have been a fleeting moment. Particularly so because he's working today, but it's given me the chance to tidy up, head down to Sainsburys to stock up on food and generally get all the mundane stuff out of the way before my baby comes home.

He finishes at 3 o'clock today, the wait will be worth it, the time spent apart will be worth it, the pangs of missing my baby are testament to that - how I just want to feel his arms around me, his body pressed close against mine and his kiss on my lips. Oh my gosh, he's the most beautiful boyfriend in the world - the thought of him sends shivers down my spine; I could cry now just thinking of how I'll probably cry when I see him again. I just want to fall back into my submissive side, to not pretend to be anything else but a silly gay-boy in love and to shower my baby in cuddles and kisses. That's all I want, it's all I need and it's all I ask of my baby but he gives me so much more; he loves me and I, well I love to love him. I trust you're all happy and well dear readers, it's good to be back..................

Late

It's late and my baby has just gone off to bed, he's real tired and he's got work tomorrow. I love him when he's tired, either first thing in the morning when he's waking up or last thing at night when he's tired from the day; he's just so beautiful at those times, more so than ever. I think his innocence really shines through at such times, when he's not really thinking properly and is just kind of operating from memory; and it's a testament to him that when he is like that there's an aura of pureness around him. I don't know how to explain it any better, it's just that his actions, his words, his everything is just driven by his heart and his gut instinct rather than his thought process; it tells the story of his soul and like him it's beautiful. And we're not pure, neither of us, there's probably no one in the world who can say they are, we've all been afflicted by this world and this life in one form or another; but he's the closest person to pureness I've ever known. Whatever the world seems to throw at him he just shrugs it off, he doesn't let it infiltrate his soul and he keeps on smiling; he thinks nothing of it - I guess it's normal behaviour to him, but it's not, far from it. I get to see that each time we're together, it's so special and he's made me a much better person, I have a lot to be thankful for and I never take him nor the time we spend together for granted; because it is a gift.

I apologise for going on to some tune but I've had a drink tonight, we've both had a drink; it makes my tongue loose - it's very rare I blog after I've been drinking. I'm not working tomorrow and despite the crap week I endured at work last week now I wish I was because it means it would be normal and I'd get to see my baby. It pains me, I'm going to miss him so much, how I hate goodbyes even if they are only temporary; and I know he'll smile tomorrow morning, he'll tell me everything will be alright, time will pass so quickly and that he loves me but it doesn't help. He's right, of course he's right, I'm just a sensitive soul and stuff like this affects me way too much; and I guess it's worse because he's cheered me up so much this weekend, he's just turned my world around and now I'm going to leave him.

I don't know, I shouldn't be telling you this really, there's no relevance and it's not helping me but just look out for him boys and girls, keep my baby safe from harm until I return. I know Rach will and I know she'll be looking forward to spending some quality time with my baby; thanks for being there for him, you know how I feel, it means so much. I love you all, I'll see you later, goodbye xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Extra hugs and kisses for my sweetheart, I love you to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Sunday

We're feeling better now boys and girls, it's amazing what a cooked breakfast, coffee and some painkillers can do; it's rid us of that hazy morning after the night before feeling. Not that we've forgotten anything, far from it, we were still laughing about the incident at the Vanilla bar this morning over breakfast. Just so funny, I've no idea what came over my baby and neither has he but it was just an innocent bit of fun, it's a shame the bouncers didn't have a sense of humour, we weren't out to cause offence.

Anyway I've dressed to match my mood this morning, it really does feel like a proper Sunday; I feel super chilled out, relaxed, comfortable and happy. Hence the fleece pants and hoody, real couldn't be bothered, sleepy, slouch wear - it's exactly how I feel. I've forgotten what this feels like, to wake up after a night partying with my baby beside me in bed and lots of wonderful memories that make me smile - it's a beautiful feeling; the slightly sore head is worth the pain.

It's a beautiful day too, the sun is shining and it's kind of mild, we couldn't have hoped for a better day; a day like today makes you want to smile regardless. Not that I need any encouragement to smile, spending time with my baby guarantees lots of smiles, laughter and fun times. I look kind of coy on the photo above, but I'm not, it's just how I am and how I act when I'm with my baby, he makes me feel loved; I love him to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Anyway, we're heading out, we're going for a walk, we don't know where yet but maybe Brabyns Park; wherever doesn't really matter as long as we're together. We're going to enjoy the sunshine, let the fresh air breathe some new life into our bodies and blow away the cobwebs, it's what Sundays were made for. Today reminds me of this song, in fact I've been singing it all morning, it's so true........

Spirit

If I had any lingering negativity left in my soul it's well and truly been banished; last night we went out into the gay village and had an absolute ball. It's been way too many weeks since we've been out into the gay village but oh my did we make up for it. It just needed to be done, to go out with my baby, let ourselves loose, not worry about anything or anyone and get wasted; now it's rare we go out with the intention of getting drunk but after the last week or so there was no other alternative and what a release!

We kicked off the night in the Taurus bar - one of our favourites and a real good place to start; before moving onto Queer and then Spirit; we were going to move onto Cruz 101 but the DJ in Spirit was awesome so we stayed, danced and partied our asses off. We seriously kicked it - drinking, dancing and laughing until about 1 in the morning, we would have stayed longer but we absolutely exhausted ourselves, that and the fact that we were both kind of drunk. But I'll never forget my baby leading me by the hand onto the dance floor, dancing and holding each other real close and intimate; the place was packed, there were loads of people around us but we only had eyes for each other - it was a real special moment. One that still sends shivers down my spine even now as I think about it, we ended up snogging right there in the midst of a crowd of party revellers, nobody took any notice because it was nothing unusual, how we love the gay village.

On our way back home my baby had me in fits of laughter; and this proves how drunk he was because it was kind of out of character. We passed Vanilla, which if you're not aware is a lesbian only club, so my baby walked up to the bouncers holding me by the hand and asked if we could go in. Straight out of the blue, there was no prior warning, nothing - the big butch girl of a bouncer just kind of looked at him and then looked away; I had to turn away, I tried my best to hold in the laughter but it wasn't happening. I pulled on my baby's hand to get him out of there before he got us both beaten up by a couple of girls, we continued down the straight laughing, it was just so funny.

Suffice to say this morning we we're not early risers and when we did eventually wake up we both felt slightly delicate; in fact I woke my baby up. I woke up first and my baby was still fast asleep when I just had this sudden urge to give a him kiss - so I did, I planted a big kiss on his sleeping lips. I didn't mean to wake him up but it did, I don't think he minded though because he kissed me back before kissing me again and again............

Astronaut

I just needed some time out - time out from work and time spent with my baby; both of these things have helped ease my mind. Sometimes I think I work too much, three or so weeks on the bounce is a great deal particularly so if there are people on my case, prying into my personal life and trying their very best to upset me. This time around it worked, this time they won, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and it dragged me down; how I needed this weekend off, it was almost perfect timing.

I say almost perfect timing because my baby is working today but I don't complain, how could I after my marathon work stint? At times it keeps us apart, but mostly we work around it and see each other through the night if nothing else but it just seems like it's been a real long time since we've had the weekend off together - I love spending time with my baby he makes me smile and makes me feel loved; and I love him back in bucket loads. I guess there's a lot of guys who wouldn't appreciate such adoration but I can't help it, if a guy steals my heart I want to show how much they mean to me; and you may call it real girly stuff like holding hands, cuddling and kissing but that's just me.

Last night saw us together on the sofa, I was lay in my baby's arms and he was cuddling me real close to his chest; I just felt so warm, so safe and so secure for the first time in the longest time. The television was on in the background but we weren't paying it any attention, I was looking up into my baby's eyes, watching them look back at me - the most honest eyes I've ever seen, they speak so much truth and hold so much love even when no words are spoken. In between kisses I spoke whatever was on my mind whilst my baby listened, his hand brushing my face and I felt weightless. All the crap that was dragging me down and making me upset just disappeared from my shoulders; I was relaxed, carefree and smiling again. I asked my baby to come close whilst I whispered something into his ear, it made him smile and he cuddled me so tight whilst kissing me. I never want him to let go..............

The first time

For my beautiful boyfriend, I can't say it any better................

I love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Strong

I'm tired, dog tired blogger friends; physically, mentally and spiritually tired - I've not felt like this for a very long time, if ever. It's shown too - it's drained me, I lost my sense of humour, I lost my smile, I lost the will to talk to friends (most of them) and I lost my confidence. As a result it made me spectacularly grouchy, moody and sensitive for the latter part of this week but I'm not going to apologise for it - that's me occasionally, I can't change that anymore than I can change my sexuality or the love I feel for a very special cute and sexy guy. And what makes it worse is people going on about my mood like I don't know I'm not my normal happy self - oh I'm grouchy what a surprise! It doesn't help, it never does and neither does the fact that I've not seen my baby since Wednesday morning - I've missed him so much; and not to offload my problems onto although he always encourages me to but to just cuddle up in his arms. You would have no idea what that feels like for me, I don't know, it's the safest and most comfortable place I know; I'm starting to cry, gosh how I've missed that feeling and how I've missed my baby ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡.

But that wait is almost over, he'll be with me soon and as you've probably guessed I can't wait, to be honest it's what's kept me going through the week, the thought of seeing my baby tonight. Through it all it's made me realise, perhaps more than ever, that I'm so fortunate that we've ended up together, that he's my boyfriend; the physical and sexual attraction is quite clear and well documented on here. But, I guess were kind of opposites in many ways, I mean I'm way sensitive - things get to me way too much, particularly the negative stuff and I get moody and withdrawn as result; there's the flip side of the coin which sees me happy, laughing and smiling most of the time but occasionally, well those that know me have seen it. My boyfriend, he's the one with the level head, he's strong willed and strong hearted - he just takes things in his stride and doesn't let things get to him; like this has happened lets sort it out, not dwell on the matter and move on. That's not to say he's the stiff upper lipped kind of guy because he's not, far from it; as a boyfriend he's real loving, caring and sensitive too - unlike a great deal of straight guys!

Maybe that's why we do get on so well, it's certainly the reason why I get on so well with him; more than any other guy I've had a relationship (loose terminology!) with. He's my rock, we share all the good times as I'm sure all couples do but he also wants to share the bad times, my bad times and help sort them out. He's perhaps the only person who I can speak to in comfort when things upset me; he doesn't judge or ridicule me, he helps make sense of the world when I can't and coaxes a smile when I feel like crying. To bare my soul I need that in a boyfriend, I need someone who's strong but not overbearing; I mean strong willed people usually scare me if they're overbearing, I'm way uncomfortable around such people. My baby he just makes up for things I'm not and he does it in the most gentle, caring and loving manner; and he loves me for all the things I am, my effeminate side and even my sensitive side - he loves my sensitive side. Despite the pitfalls he just encourages me to be myself and helps to pick me up when I fall; there's no greater gift than that, that gift is my boyfriend, my very own Mr Strong complete with a heart of gold - I love him to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

Spiralling

Today started off great, I wasn't working until late, so I got a kiss from my baby as he left for work and a lay in to boot; unfortunately from thereon in it kind of spiralled. It was the Christmas lights switch on at work today, so I appreciated it was going to be a busy and disruptive day and I wasn't mistaken............

I'm not a morning person even when I start work late it's still first thing in the morning for me and with starting late everyone is already in work and going about their business - there's no quiet time to be found for me. I find early starts better despite having to get up early because at least I have the first hour or so to myself, to slowly wake up on my own without any hinderance. So today with the Christmas lights event it was just ten times worse, as soon as I walked into work I was being asked to do this, that and the other; I was having to interact with people when it was the very last thing in the world that I wanted to do.

As a result I lived up to my reputation - I became seriously grouchy and I mean outrageously so; I guess I had a face like thunder because everyone asked if I was alright. I rarely gave a reply, I rarely spoke to anyone, I just wanted to be left alone, there was no chance. Someone told me I've been moody since I've been in love and another person took it as fact that I didn't get laid last night and that caused my dour mood. Neither assumption was correct, it just went to show how little people know me, how much they'll make up to compensate and why they piss me off in the first place - delving into my personal life like it's their given right. Suffice to say they didn't help, it made me worse, much worse.

At one point I referred to the day as the shittiest in the world ever and I truly believed it, so blinkered were my eyes and my mind. And people take it as such a shock to see me in a bad mood, admittedly it's a rarity but still I have my bad days just like everyone else; and taking into account all the crap I do have to put up with at work it's a miracle it is a rarity. It was just one of those days when I was hankering so much for my baby, he would have made everything seem alright, he would have helped to put everything into perspective and put a smile back on my face. He was thinking of coming down to the show tonight but he didn't bother - with no major acts to speak of performing he gave it a miss; and with me being busy throughout it just wouldn't have been the same.

He didn't miss much - it was stupidly busy but it passed without incident good and bad. As a result I got home late, tired and hungry to an empty house; again how I wished my baby was with me tonight. But we've spoken on the telephone and I'm feeling better now - he's the only person I can talk to when I'm feeling less than happy. I guess I love him, then again there's no guess work about it - I love him to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Anyway Christmas has come to Stockport - Merry Christmas!

Weirdo

The gig last night, well it was okay and truth be told nothing more really; I mean my baby and I only have a passing interest in Deep Purple anyway - we're not mad fans nor do we own or play a great deal of their music. It was just the fact my baby noticed them playing the Apollo and thought it would be great to see such a legend of a band in such a small venue - I had to agree with him on that because back in their heyday they were often described as the loudest band in the world.

We were hoping that motive still rang true, that they'd rock the Apollo to its foundations but time is never that kind is it; I mean the band are all getting on in years now and it showed. Musically they were very good, vocally somewhat indifferent and well they obviously no longer have the energy to go rocking round the stage and really set the place alight. Which was a shame, it felt a little like music by numbers, just trawling through their back catalogue because they still could but without the verve and the swagger of days gone by. It was a little sterile and a little heartless which is not what rock music is about - we both felt a little underwhelmed by the experience, it's one to say we've seen but really that's all, we can't really brag about it.

Still a night involving live music shared with my baby is better than none at all; and we enjoyed it all the same. It was a chance to have a few beers, have a laugh, a joke and we still got a buzz from the night although we had to act kind of straight; there was little outwardly gayness on our behalf - two gay-boys kissing may have seen us lynched by the old-school rocker brigade! The best was saved until last though - we took the bus last night so my baby could have a few beers and not have to worry about driving back; and a late night ride on the 192 is something everyone should do at least once in their lives. If you want to see life in its most primitive form and in all its variations that's the place to see it; last night did not disappoint.........

It must have been happy hour, national day release or something because we've never seen so many drunks and weirdos in one place at one time. Admittedly that maybe because when we usually take the late night bus service from Manchester we fall into the drunk category (although some may view us as weirdos for obvious reasons!) so I guess being pretty much sober we kind of noticed it more last night; but still. We were sat upstairs three rows from the front and oh my gosh it did get kind of scary - some dude going on with himself, the usual scallies sat on the back seat being loud and obnoxious and two groups of drunk men; and there we were sat together holding hands. If they'd have seen us who knows what may have happened but we were doing it out of comfort if nothing else - holding each other real tight whilst trying not to laugh at the dude going on with himself so as not to draw attention to us. Thankfully Stockport came into view and we got off without incident, we walked the short distance back home, we stopped for a short while on Hopes Carr - it's dark and quiet there; it allowed us to do something we'd be waiting for all night. We got kind of horny and intimate............