Not gay!

I learned today that I'm not gay - seriously; and you maybe sat wherever you find yourself in the World reading this and be shocked but just spare a thought for me! To find out myself that I'm not gay was more than a shock - all these years of fancying the pants of men, of kissing them, of touching them and of having sex with them has all been a complete and utter waste of time. My boyfriend will be mortified when he finds out (well I hope he will be anyway); I mean where does it leave us? He's a guy after all, a seriously cute, sexy, kind, romantic, sweetheart of a guy but if I'm not gay then there can be no future for us - OH SHIT! And what do you do with girls? Because I've no idea and I'll have to be the top in the relationship (or whatever it's referred to in straight relationships); what is it referred to? I'm side tracking but it is a serious question; then again there probably isn't a terminology for it because of differences in biological makeup; a guy will always "do" the girl in such instances - how boring and how ghastly to boot! Could you ever imagine me having a sexual relationship with a woman? No, me neither, which means I'm cured; either that or someone's been lying to me today........

I was sat in my office at work today with Ian when Arnold walked in. Earlier in the day I'd purchased the latest copy of Attitude magazine (a gay lifestyle magazine for those not in the know) from WH Smiths. As usual with gay magazines it was on the top shelf (I pity gay-boys who are short) and wrapped in cellophane so as not to disgust all the silly straight people in the World who may just be corrupted and mentally scarred for life by reading such material! Anyway I read some of it whilst on my lunch and upon my return to the office I casually threw it upon the desk.

When Arnold walked in he noticed and picked up the magazine; looking upon the front cover (some hunk in a pair of briefs and nothing else) he enquires what's this? A gay magazine I reply (quite obviously) to which he asks what are you doing with his? Because I'm gay (quite obviously) to which he replies you're not gay; the reply not being a surprised you're not gay nor a question you're not gay? It was a matter of fact reply, a statement if you will - Arnold telling me categorically that I'm not gay. I was trying my hardest not to laugh at this point so I retorted with my boyfriends going to be real pissed off when he finds that out! I guess it finally sunk in and stuck; he made the connection that I was not winding him up but was indeed telling the truth. Oh so you've got a partner then he stated............

No I have a boyfriend - why does almost every straight friend or colleague I know, barring a few of my very best friends, refer to my boyfriend as my partner? I don't think they're trying to be politically correct or anything; to be honest I think they either can't get their heads fully around the thought of actually personally knowing someone in a gay relationship or they don't know how to approach the subject and are kind of embarrassed of relating to a guy and his boyfriend. A guy and his partner probably sounds much more civil to them, it doesn't actually specify homosexuality - a partner could be any gender and would be presumed of the opposite sex to those that do not know me - I don't know but that's my hypothesis. I find myself quite uneasy with the term; I'm gay, I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my boyfriend - I'm not going to hide the fact. I AM A GUY AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! Hence, I corrected him.......

Even Ian does it - he refers to my boyfriend as my partner; if that's their way of dealing with it and being comfortable with it then so be it; I won't lose any sleep. Talking of Ian, since the revelation of my confirmed outing we've become real good friends again; which when all is said and done is a good thing. But there's something else I've noticed of late - I think he really enjoys having a gay friend, seriously; and I'm not being big headed with that observation. He takes a great deal of interest in the gay side and is always asking lots of questions; I think it's sweet and I'm never shy in dishing the detail - you think this blog is bad? You should see what my personal friends have to put up with - if I did it in on here Blogger would shut me down within a heartbeat! But I love my straight friends for what they are even if I don't fully understand their logic in heterosexual relationships.