Not easy

I don't know friends; I really, really don't - I thought it would be easier this time round, I just thought it would, but it's not, well not yet anyway. Tonight I'll see my boyfriend for the last time for over a week, we'll then be separated by many a mile - way too many; it's not the first time and I thought I'd get used to the idea after the first time, I was wrong........

It's harder, much harder, the thought of it anyway; it's been playing on my mind most of the week but this afternoon it really did hit home and it hit me hard. I mean I should be looking forward to seeing my baby tonight - which I am but it's also tinged with some serious melancholy. I just know I'm going to miss him like crazy and I know I'll cry tomorrow when we say our good byes; I'll probably even cry tonight.

I guess it's because we've just been so together of late, so as one and last weekend was just the most beautiful time spent together; it really has been going well with us. So to spend any great length of time away from my baby hurts - which should be celebrated, I mean it's way better than thinking I'm glad to be spending some time away from him right? I know deep down I'm very fortunate to have found such a wonderful, caring, loving boyfriend who understands me and loves me for who I am; and as such my life is blessed with him within it. But my immediate thoughts are clouded - I just wish I had enough money so he could come along with me; if I could I would have paid for the both of us.

I doubt I'll get any downtime to post again before I depart so I'll see you all in a while. Take care of those you love - if you love them tell them, such words can never be spoken too many times. Look after my baby for me Rach - keep him safe and warm until my return; it makes me happy to know he won't be alone. You're a star and I promise I'll come up to see you when I get back. I love you all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.