Attitude

Everyone's got it and it's either good or bad; and for the last two days it's been nothing but bad unfortunately. Which is a shame because Stockport's enjoyed some lovely late summer days - blue sun-filled skies which has made the days real warm and the nights on the cool side. It's a taste of Autumn, a beautiful time of year and I adore such weather, for some reason it makes me feel so alive. But I guess there aren't many days that are perfect..........

Yesterday I was advised that I could no longer read the magazine "Attitude" whilst on my break in the canteen at work. For those of you who are unfamiliar it's a lifestyle magazine for gay men and as such is full of articles, interviews, reviews and fashion aimed at gay men. It is not a porn magazine - there is no full frontal nudity and nothing sexually explicit contained within it's pages. I didn't buy it for the any of those reasons, my boyfriend is the only guy I need for any sexual gratification, besides he's so much cuter and sexier than any other guy they could ever print! I bought it solely because it's a entertaining read with some real interesting articles and now I'm barred from reading it. The reason behind this decision is because the General Manager believes it may cause offence to my colleagues - seriously; and there's a major dose of irony within that statement. Oh my gosh would you believe it - an openly gay guy reading a gay lifestyle magazine - how shocking and offensive! The irony? Well, it appears such a magazine may cause offence to my heterosexual colleagues but it's okay to cause offence to the homosexual who wants to read it but is told he cannot. Umm............

Furthermore, nothing is said over my heterosexual colleagues who read the tabloid papers complete with page 3 models sitting there topless; the Sport "newspaper" or Nuts or Zoo magazine to name but a few. All of which contain far more sexually explicit content than my magazine and are much more likely to cause offence to those of a delicate disposition. It doesn't need Einstein to work this one out does it? I mean as openly I try to view the situation, even attempting to empathise with the General Managers point of view - I always reach the same conclusion. It's not a pleasant conclusion and I never speak the following words without a double dose of caution; but whether it's specifically targeted or not, it is homophobia. A word I thought was disappearing from the English language has reared its head once more - it's ugly; but it describes pretty well the circumstance above. I'm suffering prejudice within the work place due to my sexual orientation, wouldn't you agree? Suffice to say I'm giving myself a cooling off period so I can make a calculated decision on my next move in respect of this.

It would be an understatement to say I was upset about it but I tried my best not to let it show nor ruin my day; I just tried to carry on in my normal, happy disposition. Unfortunately this proved difficult as it appears my life inclusive of my boyfriend is open to parody, usually I might have shaken the comments off and let them rise. I appreciate the comments are probably made in good faith but if nothing else it's seriously bad timing; and truth be told it's becoming tiresome to hear unjustified comments regarding me and more pointedly my boyfriend. I love him to bits and as such I'm fiercely protective of him - maybe I deserve some of the comments made, I mean I give it out too, but my boyfriend deserves none of it. I maybe biased in my opinion but he's the most beautiful guy I've ever met both inside and out - he would never intentionally hurt anyone and I never want to see him hurt by anyone or anything regardless of intention. Today, I don't know but I got it in stereo, it was like a wall of sound that surrounded me and I couldn't block it out despite my best efforts. I'm serious when I say that it made me feel dizzy - it was a barrage of negativity that had the force to floor me; I walked away........

I got home tonight and I was desperate for the balance to be realigned in my favour; to be greeted by attitude of a good nature and this time it was good timing. Oh gosh, how good it was to fall into the arms of my boyfriend - to find warmth, safety and understanding. It's one of the few places in my life where I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will not be judged or ridiculed. To find a warm, caring, familiar smile and how such a smile is infectious. We're heading out into Stockport for a few beers tonight, they've been a long time coming and very well deserved. It's a shame we're not heading further afield into the gay village because I just want to hold his hand and not let go.........