Not easy

I don't know friends; I really, really don't - I thought it would be easier this time round, I just thought it would, but it's not, well not yet anyway. Tonight I'll see my boyfriend for the last time for over a week, we'll then be separated by many a mile - way too many; it's not the first time and I thought I'd get used to the idea after the first time, I was wrong........

It's harder, much harder, the thought of it anyway; it's been playing on my mind most of the week but this afternoon it really did hit home and it hit me hard. I mean I should be looking forward to seeing my baby tonight - which I am but it's also tinged with some serious melancholy. I just know I'm going to miss him like crazy and I know I'll cry tomorrow when we say our good byes; I'll probably even cry tonight.

I guess it's because we've just been so together of late, so as one and last weekend was just the most beautiful time spent together; it really has been going well with us. So to spend any great length of time away from my baby hurts - which should be celebrated, I mean it's way better than thinking I'm glad to be spending some time away from him right? I know deep down I'm very fortunate to have found such a wonderful, caring, loving boyfriend who understands me and loves me for who I am; and as such my life is blessed with him within it. But my immediate thoughts are clouded - I just wish I had enough money so he could come along with me; if I could I would have paid for the both of us.

I doubt I'll get any downtime to post again before I depart so I'll see you all in a while. Take care of those you love - if you love them tell them, such words can never be spoken too many times. Look after my baby for me Rach - keep him safe and warm until my return; it makes me happy to know he won't be alone. You're a star and I promise I'll come up to see you when I get back. I love you all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Stupidly fantastic

I swear I wasn't going to blog tonight, it's late anyway - too late and this isn't a get out jail free card I use when I've got nothing better to post about but..........

It was impossibly good and I mean stupidly fantastic; just think of the most fantastic thing in the world to you and then add some stupidity - I appreciate that statement is absolute nonsense but that's what is was like. It is nonsensical, it has to be and if I wasn't on the receiving end of it I wouldn't believe it either; I was and I still don't.

My baby hit my sweet spot and kept on hitting it with unnerving accuracy - oh my gosh I'm so in LOVE. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be able to share my life, my bed and my body with him; the cutest, kindest, sexiest boyfriend I could ever hope to have. Oops, I've been advised there's a correction needed - we are the luckiest guys in the world and so forth in plural. Bless you babes, I love you to bits xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

And now my bedroom smells of sex, hand on heart it smells of semen - it is absolutely gorgeous; you can smell it in the air and wherever else it landed. Who cares? The most wonderful sex ever; it felt like the song below!

101 things

I know I love my boyfriend but getting the Police to seal off my street so he couldn't leave me this morning was somewhat extreme by anyone's standards admittedly. Fortunately I'm not that mentally deranged, I mean I miss him when he's gone but I know he'll be back - although not tonight; besides that major annoyance called work intervened for the both of us.

So we both woke up this morning, showered, had a quick breakfast, a final snog (what do you expect? A good-bye kiss turned into a bit of session that's all! It set me up for the day and put a spring in my step and in my pants!) and headed for the door. My baby went out first to put his gear in the car, a few seconds later he called me to come take a look outside. I went out onto the street to find it completely sealed off at both ends by the Police, barrier tape, Police Officers and Police vehicles blocked any route out. We both kind of stood there, open mouthed and in silence; my instinct was to look around to see if there was a madman lurking with a automatic machine gun in the vicinity - there wasn't, but you never know! I mean that's why Police seal off roads for that kind of stuff, right? Meanwhile my baby was thinking normal thoughts like how was he going to get his car out of the street and get to work; which makes me look like a drama queen (no comments required!) We both wondered what we'd slept through during the night, it was obvious something serious had gone on and we didn't hear a thing. My boyfriend then began thinking what he could tell work if he had to phone up and tell them he wasn't coming - I'm sorry I can't make it into work this morning, I spent last night at my boyfriends and his street is sealed off by the Police and I can't get out - although the truth it sounds so lame. But isn't it weird the kind of stuff that whizzes through your head when you're faced with something unexpected?

After a couple of minutes of standing there, looking around and thinking what to do I walked to the end of my street and asked the Police Officer stood there if we could get out to go to work. He asked if I was in a car, to which I replied without thinking, no but my boyfriend is and he started smiling - oh gosh I thought he now knows I'm gay. I was waiting for the stupid remark, to be pepper sprayed or be placed in handcuffs (wishful thinking) but nothing followed, in fact he was real sweet; he told me my boyfriend mustn't be very nice if he made me walk whilst he took the car. I corrected him and told him how wonderful my boyfriend is, but I guess he didn't want to here that and we didn't have the time anyway to continue the impromptu chat about the benefits of a loving gay relationship. Anyway he said we could both leave for work so I returned to my baby, told him we were good to go and the crazy conversation I'd just had with the Police Officer. I thought about that conversation later on; it was just bizarre - I'd never thought I'd see the day when I'm stood in the street talking to a Police Officer about my boyfriend, it was like I was talking to a friend or something; just talking without thinking. If nothing else it's something to cross of my 101 things to do before I die!

The rest of my day was spent trying to find out what had gone on - it transpired a guy had been assaulted, stabbed and received life threatening head injuries at the junction of my street and the main road just after midnight. But if that wasn't horrendous enough I returned home from work this evening to find my street still sealed off and the Police turning over the house a couple of doors down from me. I maybe wrong but putting two and two together, well who knows? Innocent until proven guilty............

Shortly afterwards I found CID on my doorstep asking to come in and ask me a few questions. Did you hear or see anything last night? Have you any CCTV? Do you live alone in the property? Did you have any company last night? No prizes for guessing who's getting a call from Stockport CID shortly? I phoned my baby up straight after and told him to expect a visit but it's a good job were both openly gay isn't it? I mean to be outed by Stockport Police would be just so not cool.

how could

how could you not love a guy like that. a guy that has written the most beautiful words ive ever read. im talking about my boyfriend and his last blog. and i do love him. lots and lots and lots. his beauty on the outside is nothing compared to the beauty on the inside. when you strip away to his heart and soul you get the thoughts he wrote. im lucky enough to have found him and found a place in his heart. thats very lucky. he writes lots of beautiful things on here and lots of things about me. it makes me very happy to know he thinks so much of me like i do of him. but he doesnt just write them. all the things he writes about he tells me about. and theres lots of things that he doesnt share with you readers. those are the best things he says the most beautiful words to me. i get to hear it all the time and i never get bored of it.

when i first met him i knew he was a special guy. he was different. he was shy and bashful. there was something in him that made me think he wasnt like everyone else. he was hard to get to know and open up but im glad i kept on trying. he didnt disappoint he surprised me. all that kindness and hope and beauty and love he had inside waiting to be shared. he shares it with me he makes me a better person. and i like to take care of him and he likes to feel loved and i like his sensitive side. things effect him differently i think he feels much more than others and that can be good or bad. but im here to share all those times with him because i want to.

the day he came into my life was the best ever. hes the best boyfriend anyone could ever have. hes the best lay ive ever had lol ;-). sorry but it had to be said. its true. he takes the ordinary and turns it into something special. thats something hard to do. and i just wanted to say thankyou its been a top weekend. youre the best boyfriend in the world and i love you lots and lots and lots and lots. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

sorry if i make you cry :-)

Days of summer

I said in my previous post that the days of summer are fading fast but if this proves to be the last warm, sunny day we'll spend together until autumn and winter passes then it will be a beautiful memory. In fact the whole weekend has proved to be a beautiful memory and despite not being together throughout it's not detracted from it in the least; any amount of time we spend together is cherished in my heart.

I've not been to Bruntwood Park since I was a child and it's strange how those childhood memories don't do it justice. I guess when you're a child you just kind of take everything for granted - it's a sunny day and here's a park so lets go have fun; and I guess at that age you're unable to appreciate the beauty that surrounds you. Because it truly is a beautiful place; the woodland, the pond, the streams, the wildlife and just the fact that it's an oasis of calm and natural beauty - a place of retreat and escape from the maddening world that surrounds it. We love going to such places when we're together on Sundays, there's just something about Sundays that are so laid back and suit a walk together in a park or the countryside so much. It's a kind of winding down and relaxing process after we've been working all week and usually been out partying on the Saturday night. We talked about this today whilst we were sat having our picnic, it gives a balance to our lives - we're not hedonistic party animals by any stretch of the imagination; the simple things like a walk in the park are where you can find your true self, in the peace, the quiet and the tranquility. If you can share those quiet moments with someone you love then that just makes it even more special; and we've come back home this evening feeling so relaxed and refreshed.

The picnic was great, I mean the food was simple and all, but just the fact that we sat out on the grass pavilion in the sunshine and ate together. It's the first time we've shared a picnic, prepared some food at home, wrapped it up and took it out with us - the effort is definitely worth it. It just felt so twee to be sat together eating, for all intents and purposes, a packed lunch; sandwiches wrapped up in foil - you know what I mean? And to just sit and talk and people watch or bask in the sunshine allowing our cares to melt away and time to slip silently by was divine.

We saved some crusts from the sandwiches to feed the ducks; we walked through the woodland and followed the stream. My baby even hand fed the ducks, he's real brave and I think the ducks really liked him; it was a moment that struck me cold - a moment of pureness where man and nature merged into one. I don't know but to see my boyfriend at one with nature, so comfortable together just struck a chord; he was trying to make sure each duck got a piece of bread - that's him through and through, so thoughtful, so caring and so kind.

Holding hands, kicking up leaves and stealing a kiss or two; maybe they're sense memories and evoke some feelings from the distant past but I've never felt so close to childhood innocence than I have today. It's been a perfect day and although I've never been a big fan of summer I'll miss days like these. I guess because we knew and appreciated that such days are a rarity at this time of the year we enjoyed every second of it and didn't take any of it for granted. I'm glad one of the fading days of summer was spent with my beautiful boyfriend; the world is a magical place all on its own but it's so much better with him in it.................

This post is for my baby - I love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox.

Prayers answered?

It is a question because my prayers have been answered; as I posted earlier in the week I was hoping the next time I was with my boyfriend it would be a warm and sunny day - it is. Hence, I wanted to wear my pink nylon shorts he bought me - which I am, as the photo testifies. But what the photo also testifies to is the fact that when it's sunny they become so see through they're almost invisible; I may as well just go out in my pants!

They're seriously horny and mega provocative, I mean I love them for the fact they're so see through and so does my baby. But we both think they're perhaps slightly too provocative and risqué to wear out and about, when all's said and done they could be deemed as indecent and we don't want to cause any undue offence. So before we go out I'm going to change into something slightly more appropriate, the shorts will be for private use and viewing only - bed shorts if you like; and we both like it very much!

My baby has the right idea he's wearing a pair of grey Adidas Originals fleece shorts; it's the first time I've seen him wearing them today. I've noticed them in JD Sports and didn't really like them because of the Adidas Team logo on them; that and the fact I thought they'd be unflattering. I was so wrong because on my boyfriend they look awesome, I thought they'd fit loose and baggy but they don't; they're kind of fitted and are anything but unflattering. They fit so close it's an awesome sight, they accentuate the outline of his cute little arse and round the front his bulge is beautifully presented - not in a vulgar way but in a well packaged kind of way. Unfortunately me eyes are constantly cast downwards, I can't stop looking, both front and back; it really is a beautiful sight, it feels beautiful to touch too!

Anyway the skies are a cloudless blue colour and the sun is warming the day up nicely; we're going to pack some sandwiches, pork pies, crisps and drinks. We're heading out to Bruntwood Park to partake in a leisurely stroll and a picnic; the days of Summer are fading fast so when a day like today presents itself it would be crazy not to take advantage of it. They may be a long time coming back around. Have a great day dear readers, go chase the sunshine, with love xxxxxxxx.

Desire

Oh my gosh, what an awesome night last night; I don't really know a great deal of what happened around me because I wasn't taking any notice. All of my thoughts and all of my attention were directed solely upon my beautiful boyfriend - my eyes only saw him and remained on him through the night. Even though he's all mine he's still a serious piece of eye candy and I couldn't keep my hands off him. I don't know how I survived to be honest, as I mentioned last night I was stupidly horny and man did it show.

I'm surprised we don't have blisters on our lips because we've never snogged so much, each and every opportunity we got found us snogging our mouths off. Pressed up hard against each other in the street, against walls, against a bus shelter, whenever and wherever we found a sheltered spot or not. It was fantastic, I guess we looked like a couple of gay-boys who'd just met and had been off the scene for months so bad was the build up of sexual tension between us. When we weren't holding hands they were disappearing down the waistband of each others jeans, we smooched to slow music holding ourselves real close and as a result I was sporting a semi for the majority of the night. Damn, he turns me on like you'd never believe, all I wanted to do was get down on my knees and blow him to oblivion; there was a fire burning inside so intense, it was all that was on my mind. I couldn't wait to get him home............

It was worth the wait; it was like hours and hours of foreplay and we didn't waste any further time when my front door closed behind us. We snogged and groped our way upstairs to bed; and I kid you not my hands were trembling so much whilst trying to undress my baby. He lay me down, spread my legs and I gasped and closed my eyes when I felt his fingers slide inside me; I was defenceless. I ended up riding him cowgirl - he spread my cheeks to get every last inch inside me and the relief to feel him impaled within me was beyond words. It was heaven, the purest experience of joy two lovers could ever have, I've never wanted sex so bad in my life and it ended as it began.

My baby held me close and fingered my tender hole whilst we kissed; he did it for longest time and once again had me gasping for air............

Preppy?

This is the preppy look apparently or so my boyfriend informs me; and as it's his opinion I'm in no doubt of its authenticity. That still doesn't explain what preppy actually means or is; my baby thinks it's something to do with the American college look? It could well be but what a checked shirt and a cardigan has to do with American college escapes me, I know I could google it but I really can't be bothered!

To me it's a pair of dirty wash twisted seam jeans, a green fine checked shirt and a black open breasted cardigan. But most importantly my boyfriend thinks I look cool, casual smart and sexy; and that's all that really matters my friends! To finish off the look I'm sporting my new glasses which were made super-fast and with impossibly good timing; I couldn't believe it when the opticians phoned me up this morning to tell me they were ready - they quoted two weeks! They fit like a dream and are the best pair of glasses I have and may ever own; as I said when I originally saw them they suit me perfectly. Tonight is the first time my baby has seen them and his opinion echoes mine - he doesn't say it just to please me either!

The idea I had whilst writing my previous post - we carried it out and then some; I told my boyfriend and he thought it was a wonderful idea. But there was a catch - we agreed there was to be no over-indulgent touching of an erotic nature. I still cannot believe I agreed to that but it made the whole process so incredibly horny.

We slowly undressed each other, took a shower together whilst washing each others bodies (I kid you not that was so electric. We've showered together in the past and it's always turned into a shag-fest so trying to keep the touching down to a minimum was nigh on impossible; particularly when it came to washing the nuts and bolts! I tried to break the rules, whilst washing my baby I moved in for a snog but he kept pulling away saying it wasn't part of the game - SUCH A TEASE!), dried each other off and then dressed each other. Horny, horny, horny - just try it, it's the most horny thing you can ever do without the intention of having sex! To dress each other, from socks to pants to jeans to shirt is the most erotic thing ever; particularly the pants. I mean I've had loads of experience of taking his pants off but putting them on is, perversely, even better; I appreciate that sounds like nonsense but to pull his pants up his legs, tuck his nuts and bolts in and pull them snugly over his bulge and cute little arse is like an orgasm for the mind. In fact I've hit the nail on the head there because that's exactly what it was - mind sex; it was the same with his jeans particularly as they had a button fly - just buttoning them up against his bulge was spectacular. I gave them a gentle pat afterwards, once they were all buttoned safely up - it was heaven.

And now I'm stupidly horny, I don't think I've ever been so horny in my life, I don't want to go out because it means I'll have to wait hours before I get laid; I don't want to wait I NEED IT NOW! It's torture, I'm being serious - we've been so close and erotic with each other without an end result; I could quite happily shag the night away. I'm so glad we're going to the Gay Village at least I won't have to keep my hands off my baby which is a good job because I honestly can't - he's the only thing I desire.

Have a great night boys and girls; take my advice if you're with your own boyfriend or girlfriend and deciding whether to go out or stay in tonight - stay in and have sex, trust me! Never, ever pass up the opportunity to have sex with someone you love. xxxxxxxxxx

Pink cardigan

It's been a great day Blogger World, I've got all my housework done, I've listened to some great music and my folks have been down to visit me. I've not really had time to stop and stand still which I like; I like being busy, keeping my mind occupied and spending time with people I love. We went shopping in Stockport - I picked up my new glasses (photo to follow) and my mum banned me from buying a pink cardigan, she told me there's no need to buy pink just because you're gay! Fair point really besides it wasn't very nice and it would have been a nightmare to team up with other clothing. You can always really on those who love you to give you an honest opinion.

Now I'm just killing some downtime - waiting for my boyfriend, he finished work at 4 o'clock so he'll be here shortly. We're heading out into the Gay Village tonight, the first time in weeks that we've done so; it was a bit touch and go to be honest - my baby was feeling tired last night, he fell asleep in my arms on the sofa. I'll never grow tired of watching him sleeping in my arms, it's the most beautiful sight in the world. Anyway I told him there's no need to go out if he doesn't want to or he's not feeling up to it; but he's phoned to say he's feeling fine and is good to go and have some fun.

So I'll start to get tea on the go - feed my little soldier (so gay I know, but he is my soldier) maybe wash him down and dress him up too; that sounds like fun. That's a top idea I wonder if he'll let me? I'll hopefully check in with you all before we go out, I'll get my baby to take a photo of my new glasses so I can post them up here.

PS. The photo in this post is not me!

Happy

For the eagle-eyed amongst you you may have noticed I've edited last nights post; gone are the majority of the sex references. This was at the request of my boyfriend who told me it ruined the post, up until that point he said it was a perfect reflection of my soul and then when the sex kicked in it shattered the moment and it wasn't needed anyway. He was right, it's so much better without it and it is a perfect reflection of not just me but us; I only think in such terms because of having such a wonderful guy in my life.

We shared a lovely night last night, we held each other close and talked for ages about everything and nothing all at the same time. It's just so special to be able to share the little, obscure things in my mind with someone else; they may not amount to a great deal but my boyfriend will cuddle me close and listen intently. He told me he loves to see me when I'm like that - just talking, sharing and asking his opinion on whatever is on my mind; letting it run free and wild without fear. I think that's a truly beautiful sentiment on his behalf I could have cried........

You may have guessed but I'm in such a sentimental mood again tonight, I love these moments and I can't wait to see my boyfriend again. He'll be with me shortly, he makes me very happy and I love him to bits. I realise this is a short post but my mind is wandering, so I'll leave you with a beautiful song, it's for my baby. Goodnight xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Love is..........

Letting your boyfriend screw the arse of you instead of watching you're favourite football team live on television; which means I must be in love because that's exactly what happened last night. Truth be told I cannot think of anything that I would rather do than be with my boyfriend and there's certainly nothing in the world that would keep me from having sex with him. Sorry favourite football team and sorry world but you've met your match and lost. And whilst I'm in apologetic mode sorry readers for posting about sex again!

I'm thinking about the above sentence right now as I'm typing - the "keep me from having sex with him" bit and for some reason I just want to refer to it as "keep me from going to bed with him" it paints a beautiful image in my mind. It sounds so much more elegant, innocent, romantic and twee; it really is a truly beautiful sentence and it makes me go all fuzzy inside. It paints a picture of my boyfriend lay next to me in bed, so cute and so sexy; his eyes so soft, tender and true; with a smile that lights up his face. I kid you not each time we go to bed and each time I wake up with him in the morning I feel so fortunate to be able to see him next to me. It's something I could never get bored of - he's a pure vision of beauty and perfection that takes my breath away and makes my heart skip a beat - he's gorgeous. I adore waking up first and watching him silently, those are the very best times, to see him sleeping so peacefully next to me. To gently kiss and caress his face whilst studying his features; and those first few moments when he awakes - when he's at his most tender and fragile, it's innocence personified. Oh my, I'm getting seriously sentimental and this post was not meant to follow this path........

But I don't care I mean I'm a very touchy, feely kind of guy, not in just a sexual kind of way but I just love having my boyfriend close; hugging and cuddling each other on the sofa; holding hands when we go out; caressing his face and body; and kisses for no particular reason. I'm very sentimental and romantic, I like to feel loved and give my love unequivocally, it's all these small things that help paint the bigger picture. I've found such things real difficult to come by in the past but my baby loves these things too; maybe there's a lot of men who think of such emotion as a sign of weakness, I don't know, but it's not, it's the most beautiful thing in the world. He encourages me to be myself and to show my sensitive side - there maybe lots of men who'd run a mile if I started crying in their arms; but my boyfriend is still with me. It tells a story.

I lied at the top of the post because love is more than sex, it's more than anything I dared to imagine...............

Any excuse

Referring back to my previous post and more pointedly in respect of my bemoaning that fact that I wouldn't be able to see my boyfriend much this week. You may have thought I was being somewhat of a drama queen over it and making a mountain out of a molehill but trust me I'm not. For I have the proof...........

Today I found myself in Vision Express perusing the glasses with Lee, we went in with the intent of Lee booking an eye test and checking out some Police frames he had seen. This we did but whilst perusing I stumbled upon a pair of Hugo Boss frames that looked cool - hand made acetate in a dark brown colour cool. I've no idea why I felt the need to search through the frames on display; I mean I already own four pairs of glasses, the most recent pair I bought only a few months back. Besides that I can only wear one pair at a time and they all do the same job right? Wrong! You see I tried the glasses on and they fit perfectly - seriously perfectly which is a rarity for me because they almost always need some adjustment to fit my head. They also suited me to the ground and without wishing to sound biased I don't think I have ever tried on a style of frame that has suited me so well.

I innocently requested a quote on the complete frames and lenses combo - with the transition lenses I need due to suffering from bright light sensitivity they totalled a not-so-cool £308; and that's with 10% off the price! Once I picked myself up off the floor I told them I'd think about it and ran through the door; that's a serious outlay of cash for a pair of glasses, particularly for a pair that I don't need. But I couldn't get them out of my mind - the colour, the style, the material and the suitability were haunting me and wouldn't let go. I needed another opinion, my boyfriend would have been best but as he was unavailable I chose the next best thing - girlfriend.

I went back a while later with girlfriend in tow, tried the glasses on and got all the confirmation I needed. Suffice to say I'm now £308 lighter but I think it's money well spent, without a doubt the most perfect pair of glasses I've ever seen; I honestly wouldn't have paid such a price if they weren't absolutely perfect. All I have to do now is wait for two weeks until they're ready for me, I can't wait and hopefully they'll be ready even sooner. So what's all this got to do with me missing my boyfriend you may ask? Well, once I'd decided to have them girlfriend and I sat down whilst the staff member took all the details and my cash from me; I knew the girl who was serving us anyway. We were chatting away, laughing and joking and the staff member asked me if girlfriend was my girlfriend - meaning in a kind of going out, kissing and shagging each other kind of way; rather than the best girlfriend a gay-boy can have kind of way.

This obviously proved too much for girlfriend and as I turned to my left to face her she was busy in a fit of hysterics whilst literally chewing the carpet. The staff member then tried to make amends for her mistake by asking if I was seeing anyone and if I was married - which only made the situation even worse. And there's the problem you see, two days away from my boyfriend and I'm being mistaken as being straight; my biggest fear is if this continues for any length of time I may even start to act straight - could you ever imagine, oh my gosh! Luckily a saviour came along in the unlikeliest form.

Ian's swapped shifts with me so as of tomorrow and for the rest of the week I'm on early finishes which means I get to see my boyfriend - oh happy days! Which is not a day too soon because it appears I still need further practice at being gay - oh happy days, take two! Any excuse I know.........

I love you

Today, I just found myself out of sorts; not feeling sad nor down or anything like that - just kind of jaded. For a start I know I'm tired - I'm into my third week of work without a day off and it starts to tell after a while, more mentally than physically; it causes my sense of humour to fade and my sensitivity to rise. For me that's not a good position to be in. Thankfully, I'm off this weekend so I'll have some respite and recovery time but again that's being playing on my mind too.

You see my boyfriend was off last weekend and I wasn't; now I'm off this weekend and my boyfriend is working Saturday. Admittedly it won't spoil our weekend a great deal but being the first one I've had off in weeks it would have been nice to be together throughout. It just seems there are forces fighting against us at the moment, keeping us apart and keeping us from just enjoying some quality time together. It's a silly train of thought I know it's just work getting in the way - a necessary evil unfortunately, but still it seems we're just grabbing at opportunities to see each other lately. Add on the fact that today and for the majority of the week I'm working late, it just kind of compounds the situation even further.

What I really needed was some escape from my thoughts but that didn't materialise either. Work was a complete washout, just a day of absolute nothingness - no fun to be had or any excitement to be gained. There was nothing to occupy my mind and for the first time in a long time I found myself bored - it's a rarity but it happened. The whole day and everything within it was just out of character; well mostly...........

I've just phoned my sweetheart up for no other reason than to say I love you; it just needed to be said and I felt like doing it. Three simple words, oh so true; it made my day.............

Prejudice hurts

I thought about it all weekend long; I deliberated the pros and the cons of the situation and I talked to many people about the situation - both straight and gay. Most importantly I spoke at length with the guy I trust the most and I know will make an informed, unbiased decision - my boyfriend. Everyone came to the same conclusion, the situation is wrong and should not be happening.

I'm talking about the ban placed upon me from reading a gay lifestyle magazine whilst on my break at work. It is wrong, I know that and I knew it from the start but I needed the perspective of others around me, those who were not directly involved in the situation to ensure I wasn't being overly dramatic nor overly sensitive. It appears I'm not (for a change) indeed many thought I was handling the situation way too easily (ditto!) Again as much as I hate to say it - the overwhelming conclusion is that I'm being subjected to prejudice due to my sexual orientation or to put it simply, homophobia. It's such a disgusting word, one I hope I will never have to speak or type again; for me or for anyone else who finds attraction within the same sex.

I realised I'd be a hypocrite if I let it go and allow those responsible to continue to oppress me with their bigoted minds, so I've not let it go. Today I informed my Head Office of the situation and requested their help, support and guidance to bring the matter to a satisfactory conclusion; I am still awaiting their initial response. If it all comes to affront I may find myself walking on a tightrope or treated as the outcast, I appreciate that shouldn't happen either, but it wouldn't surprise. Besides, such treatment from such bigoted minds is nothing new.

I'll try and keep you updated on this as and when it evolves because there's been a fair few of you out there in blogger land that have sent me messages and emails of support - it's very much appreciated! However, depending how it goes I may have to keep silent for a while, I'm sure you understand as to why? This isn't a game and I'm not looking for any kind of victory here; all I want is a level playing field.

Make the boys wink

What another beautiful day boys and girls, cloudless blue skies and warm sunshine throughout; it was such a shame I was working. My boyfriend is off this weekend too which makes it doubly disappointing because days like these are a blessing and should spent having fun with someone you love. Whilst I was busy earning the pennies my boyfriend was spending his - he went shopping in Manchester today with Rach, but he didn't forget me, he bought me a gift. It was such a surprise, he's very kind and I'm very lucky - bless him; it's a beautiful gift too.

He bought me the pair of shorts in the photo above - a pair of pink nylon shorts; aren't they just the coolest shorts you've ever seen? I absolutely love them - the colour, the smooth silky material and the fact they're transparent; my boyfriend saw them and immediately thought of me, he knows my taste real well. Let me tell you they feel super sexy on and I think they're kind of slutty looking too with the pink colour-way and the fact that you can see my pants through them; it turns me on even more. How I hope that the next time we're off together is warm and sunny because I so want to wear these out and about in public as per the photo with the shorts sat low on my hips showing my pants off underneath; gosh, I'm such a horny dick tease.

As a by-product whilst we were messing about taking photos (most of which you'll never see!) I kind of stumbled upon an idea for my photo blog - Postcards From Nowhere. Thankfully my boyfriend made sense of the vision, thought it was good and helped to realise the idea. It just hit me out of the blue, I guess I was feeling somewhat arty and if nothing else it was another excuse for me to show off my new shorts, my pants and my body. Who'd have thought that I'd come up with an excuse to post some more semi-naked photos of myself on the internet? I used to be so shy!

We both think the end result is awesome and as a result we're real proud of ourselves; it's a new venture for the blog and may or may not be repeated. It tells a story via a series of photos with a title/sentence attached to each; to us it's art in our own way - the art world may not be shaking in its boots as a result but we couldn't care less. It means something to us and I hope it'll mean something to you if you take the time to check it out; if you do please let us know what you think. It's the first and maybe only volume of the Artistic Devaluation Series.

Whilst I'm on I must tell you about the dream I had last night - the craziest dream I think I've ever had. I dreamt I was having an in depth, face to face conversation with Madonna about the joys of anal sex; seriously, I'm not kidding here! I was sat in a room alone with Madonna and we were chatting away like we're best friends - I won't go into the conversation for obvious reasons but it appears she likes it too! (Note to lawyers - my dreams in no way attempt to foretell reality nor are they accredited with being factually correct!)

Time to go, have a great night dear readers, until later..........

Thursday

Last night was the perfect antidote to my workday blues; as I mentioned we headed out for a few beers in Straightville or Stockport as it's more commonly known as. It was a glorious evening weather wise and as we set out dusk was just descending on the day; the light was fading away and a chill was permeating the air. We headed to the Old Rectory which is only a stones throw away from my house - it's where we normally go if we're heading out locally for a few beers. It's one of the few pubs in Stockport that offers a calm, relaxed and somewhat refined atmosphere; where we can just sit and talk over a drink and not worry a great deal about trying to act straight. We don't hide it that well anyway..........

As usual for midweek the bar was pretty empty and those that were in it we're either couples or middle-aged, I guess it's a kind of oasis of calm that people actively seek out. I like that thought and I think it's true; I also like the place because of it - no loud music, drunken idiots or gangs of lads to contend with. Just a place to unwind, relax and enjoy a drink or two with someone special as company. We sat in the corner seats to the back of the bar pretty much out of view of everyone else - it reminded me of the back row of the movie theatre for some reason; I guess because it was a populated place but also felt kind of removed and cosy. We talked, laughed, held hands under the table, stole a kiss or two and got real close on the corner seats whilst our hands strayed out of view. I'm sure it was just so obvious that we were more than friends, in fact I think we got caught snogging.........

I headed out into the back for a cigarette and my boyfriend followed me, we were stood against the wall and found ourselves completely alone. I finished my cigarette, pulled my boyfriend onto me and we began kissing; he in turn pushed me back onto the wall whilst pressing up hard against me. It was so incredibly horny and I guess we kind of got lost in the moment, as our hands began to stray and the kisses merged, the sound of the door interrupted us. We pulled apart as quickly as we could but I don't think it was quick enough - stood to the side was a middle-aged woman lighting up a cigarette. She didn't say anything, maybe out of shock or hopefully out of respect but she must have seen us - if not caught in the steamy embrace then removing ourselves from it. For reasons unbeknown to anyone we remained stood there whilst I lit another cigarette, like it was all we were doing when we were interrupted, we laughed about this later - what kind of logic was going through my mind to make out I was merely smoking a cigarette with a friend? And there we were caught in the headlights - so innocent! The woman returned inside and we followed shortly afterwards giggling like naughty school children, which I guess when we're together is a pretty good description.

We ended the night with a Brandy before heading for home and man it was cold outside - seriously chilly. It was beautiful all the same, we held each other close to keep ourselves warm all the way home and it was so romantic. The roads were quiet, the streets were nigh on empty and a clear, cold Autumn night surrounded us - and there I was walking along, snuggled up to my boyfriend; I wish the walk had been longer..............

I slept so soundly, the best nights sleep I've had in a long time; my conscience was clear, my soul happy and my heart full of love. My boyfriend held me close to his chest, I fell asleep in his arms - so safe, so secure and so comfortable.

Attitude

Everyone's got it and it's either good or bad; and for the last two days it's been nothing but bad unfortunately. Which is a shame because Stockport's enjoyed some lovely late summer days - blue sun-filled skies which has made the days real warm and the nights on the cool side. It's a taste of Autumn, a beautiful time of year and I adore such weather, for some reason it makes me feel so alive. But I guess there aren't many days that are perfect..........

Yesterday I was advised that I could no longer read the magazine "Attitude" whilst on my break in the canteen at work. For those of you who are unfamiliar it's a lifestyle magazine for gay men and as such is full of articles, interviews, reviews and fashion aimed at gay men. It is not a porn magazine - there is no full frontal nudity and nothing sexually explicit contained within it's pages. I didn't buy it for the any of those reasons, my boyfriend is the only guy I need for any sexual gratification, besides he's so much cuter and sexier than any other guy they could ever print! I bought it solely because it's a entertaining read with some real interesting articles and now I'm barred from reading it. The reason behind this decision is because the General Manager believes it may cause offence to my colleagues - seriously; and there's a major dose of irony within that statement. Oh my gosh would you believe it - an openly gay guy reading a gay lifestyle magazine - how shocking and offensive! The irony? Well, it appears such a magazine may cause offence to my heterosexual colleagues but it's okay to cause offence to the homosexual who wants to read it but is told he cannot. Umm............

Furthermore, nothing is said over my heterosexual colleagues who read the tabloid papers complete with page 3 models sitting there topless; the Sport "newspaper" or Nuts or Zoo magazine to name but a few. All of which contain far more sexually explicit content than my magazine and are much more likely to cause offence to those of a delicate disposition. It doesn't need Einstein to work this one out does it? I mean as openly I try to view the situation, even attempting to empathise with the General Managers point of view - I always reach the same conclusion. It's not a pleasant conclusion and I never speak the following words without a double dose of caution; but whether it's specifically targeted or not, it is homophobia. A word I thought was disappearing from the English language has reared its head once more - it's ugly; but it describes pretty well the circumstance above. I'm suffering prejudice within the work place due to my sexual orientation, wouldn't you agree? Suffice to say I'm giving myself a cooling off period so I can make a calculated decision on my next move in respect of this.

It would be an understatement to say I was upset about it but I tried my best not to let it show nor ruin my day; I just tried to carry on in my normal, happy disposition. Unfortunately this proved difficult as it appears my life inclusive of my boyfriend is open to parody, usually I might have shaken the comments off and let them rise. I appreciate the comments are probably made in good faith but if nothing else it's seriously bad timing; and truth be told it's becoming tiresome to hear unjustified comments regarding me and more pointedly my boyfriend. I love him to bits and as such I'm fiercely protective of him - maybe I deserve some of the comments made, I mean I give it out too, but my boyfriend deserves none of it. I maybe biased in my opinion but he's the most beautiful guy I've ever met both inside and out - he would never intentionally hurt anyone and I never want to see him hurt by anyone or anything regardless of intention. Today, I don't know but I got it in stereo, it was like a wall of sound that surrounded me and I couldn't block it out despite my best efforts. I'm serious when I say that it made me feel dizzy - it was a barrage of negativity that had the force to floor me; I walked away........

I got home tonight and I was desperate for the balance to be realigned in my favour; to be greeted by attitude of a good nature and this time it was good timing. Oh gosh, how good it was to fall into the arms of my boyfriend - to find warmth, safety and understanding. It's one of the few places in my life where I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will not be judged or ridiculed. To find a warm, caring, familiar smile and how such a smile is infectious. We're heading out into Stockport for a few beers tonight, they've been a long time coming and very well deserved. It's a shame we're not heading further afield into the gay village because I just want to hold his hand and not let go.........

Simon got it

He really did, there was a hidden message in my post last night Simon picked up on it - he sent an email to enquire, you're right, top marks to you! For those not in the know Simon follows my blog anonymously, he doesn't have a blogger account but he's been with me on this journey for the past three or so months. He's a gay guy who lives in the gay metropolis that is Brighton and as a result we've never met; although he keeps threatening to come up and sample the gay scene in Manchester, maybe even meet up with my boyfriend and I (as friends and nothing else!) I just thought I'd get that in there for those who may have thought otherwise; although saying that his comments on my photos posted last night were very complimentary - I think my boyfriend does know he's very lucky. As I am very lucky to have him in my life, my pants and my bed too!

Anyway Simon keeps in regular contact via email and he's very supportive of me, my boyfriend and this blog; sharing the joy, grief and everything else that I care to share on here. I love getting feedback from readers either through the comments section or via email; so if you want to get in touch please do - my boyfriend and I are real nice guys. We'll try our best to reply to each email but it may take some time, we tend to be very busy when we're together.

Anyway back to the hidden message in last nights post - did anyone else get it? Well, fear not because I will tell all. The post was heavy on descriptive sex, perhaps the most descriptive I've ever been in a post; I tried my best not to push the boundaries too far but it was still heavy going. Sex is important in any relationship but I think more so in a gay relationship over a heterosexual one; there's a great deal of emphasis put upon both the quality and the amount of sex - the more the better. I'd be lying to you if I said anything else, gay men are notorious for random hook ups and meets just for sex; no romance, no hoping to find love, just no strings sex and lots of it! We know - my boyfriend and I have both done it on numerous occasions; that's how we first met - we weren't looking for a relationship, it was just meets for sex; truth be told the relationship just kind of crept up upon us as we spent more time together and spent that time doing things other than sex. Not that we're complaining, I guess it was meant to be, fate that brought us together, whatever we're both very happy.

Truths told again that kind of random sex hook up scenario is very cold and clinical - as long as you got laid by a guy that wasn't an absolute minger and the morning after was not an embarrassment it was a result. So I post a great deal of information about our sex life on here, more so than necessary, but it brings us both great joy and I like to share the joy in my life. But, and it always bothers me, people that know me only through this blog or cannot read between the lines may think that all the emphasis on the relationship of my boyfriend and I is based purely upon sex. That our relationship is shallow, meaningless and reliant purely upon sex to keep it alive - a longer version of a random hook up if you will. It's not...........

I ended the post last night with a pure moment of humanity, so subtle that most of you may have missed it; I told you about how I love my boyfriends eyes. Above everything else that I wrote about, the shaving, the foreplay and the sex it was his eyes that stood out. It's more than a physical relationship and more than sex; it's emotional, spiritual and romantic. It's his beauty both inside and out; both physically and mentally. It's all there in his eyes - they're windows into his soul, they shine so bright and so beautifully. That was my hidden message, I'm glad at least one person picked up on it and I'm glad that it was understood correctly; thanks xxx.

Southerly winds

Continuing the comfort theme from Saturday night we've had a great tea tonight - real comfort food; a family size steak & mushroom pie with mash followed by jam roly-poly with custard. Simple, wholesome, comforting food which we both agreed kind of reminded us of childhood - it's amazing how such an innocuous thing as a particular food evokes memories from the past. If nothing else it curbed any hunger pangs, I mean a family sized pie between two of us, I'll let you do the maths; suffice to say we needed a workout to help burn off all those calories! But beforehand we did something awesomely erotic, we shaved each other............

I guess you understand we're not talking about our faces and necks here, no - we're talking about the Southerly regions! It's not the first time my boyfriend or I have shaved, we both like to keep neat and tidy, but it's the first time we've entrusted another guy to boldly go down there with implements that could do serious harm. My boyfriend is my first - he's taken my shaving virginity and vice-versa; oh bless, at least there's something we were still virgins at! And with good reason, it takes a serious amount of trust to allow another guy to trim away but it's worth it. With a steady hand it's unbelievable fun and entertaining to trim and shave your boyfriends nether regions; man handling and manipulating his bits to ensure he was slick and smooth. He looked impressive afterwards, seriously impressive perhaps because I was guilty of over handling the goods but I couldn't help myself. So I did what every horny boyfriend would do when faced with such a dilemma - I gave him head until he calmed down; it was nice, wet, sticky and I think he enjoyed it judging by the result. It's a shame I'm not a body builder or something like that because I could have killed two birds with one stone - pleasure my boyfriend and receive a protein shake at the same time! Side-tracking from the story - isn't giving head fantastic; it's not a question, it's a statement of fact. I absolutely love giving it, in fact if given only one choice I would always choose giving it over receiving it. It's my favourite pastime, I could do it all day, everyday for the rest of my life and never get bored; I even clear up any mess made.........

With his nerves calmed my boyfriend set about me and boy did he go to town. From mid thigh to below the chest I'm seriously smooth, both front and back - I've never done such a large area myself, but it's awesome. My boyfriend did a stellar job it looks fabulous and the feel of his hands sliding upon my smooth skin, particularly from the stomach downwards, oh my gosh. I was unbelievably horny both from giving head and my boyfriends delicate touch; luckily the task of shaving me appeared to speed up his recovery time.

My boyfriend began to return the favour in giving head but he wouldn't let me cum; choosing instead to stop and engage in long, passionate kisses with me before starting another bout. Despite what I've said above in respect of preferring to give instead of receive it was blissful, teasing me close to the point of no return before cutting off and snogging me. I was gagging for it and pleaded in no uncertain terms for him to shag me; and he did. I'm surprised I lasted so long with being so worked up, I wasn't surprised by my boyfriends; with a second wind firmly blowing in his sails he proceeded to manipulate my body into just about every conceivable position. I lost every strain of sense normally at my disposal; all the feelings and all the thoughts were concentrated solely in our sexual activity - so much so that I caught myself lost whilst my boyfriend was doing me "doggie style". With my head crammed up against the headboard for a split second I re-entered reality and it seriously hit me that I'd momentarily returned from somewhere else; I realised I was lost, not of this planet, in some kind of suspended animation of utter pleasure. I kid you not, that is 100% truth - it shocked me for a second when I realised myself before I faded away again...........

Before I was eventually jolted back into life - all the effort, all the build up and all the tension was not in vain; as I've mentioned too many times before (but it's always worth mentioning because as all the gay bottom boys will appreciate the fact) I've never in my life cum so often solely through penetration than with my boyfriend. The first time it ever happened it was amazing, the second time it ever happened I thought I was lucky and now for the whatever it is time I know I'm seriously lucky to have a boyfriend that can do it to me time and time again.

We lay in each others arms, gently kissing and staring into each others eyes; gosh I'm so in love with his eyes - more so than I ever thought possible and they're more important than I ever cared to realise in the past. Apologies for the explicit nature of this post dear readers but it's just been a great night and an incredibly horny, sex fuelled night - I just had to share it. What do you think of my pants by the way? A pair of Aussiebum short cut satin boxers - they may look great but they feel even better; we both adore silky smooth tactile fabrics and the feeling of them against the skin. My boyfriend bought them as a gift for me a couple of weeks back, if you've not guessed we're satin freaks - just keep it to yourselves; call it our little secret, okay?

Comfort

We were going to go out tonight, nothing major, just for a few beers in Stockport. However, we got comfortable together on the sofa and time and any thoughts of going out just dissipated; I'm not disappointed, in fact I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. You may view the situation as boring if you so wish - a Saturday night and two loved up boyfriends preferring to stay in rather then heading out; I call it perfection.

We've just watched "The Sweet Hereafter" on dvd, it's a beautiful movie in every aspect - the story line, the photography and the atmosphere it portrays. I've seen it before whereas my boyfriend hasn't, it was my recommendation and I was somewhat nervous with the choice because it's fundamentally a character study. It's emotiveness is born solely through the characters and the story; there's no special effects nor action sequences, it's just shot through with the melancholy of ordinary lives coping with an extraordinary set of circumstances. I love the film and others like it; and I love watching them at this time of year - the dark, chilly nights of Autumn and Winter. I think these seasons of the year do bring out a certain melancholy within me and my mind always turns to these kind of movies as a result; they just seem so much more real. To be honest I didn't think my boyfriend would appreciate it - it's an acquired taste, but............

We were lay together on the sofa and my boyfriend was cuddling me close in his arms - my favourite position in the world; I always feel so warm, so safe, so secure, so happy and so loved when I'm wrapped in my baby's arms. The lights in the lounge were off and save for the light from the television and a candle we were in darkness - it was bliss, it was a perfect scenario for the movie. We just lay there and watched the movie slowly unravel; we didn't speak a great deal, I'd occasionally glance up towards my boyfriend, smile and give him a kiss; he'd pull me in closer to his body, hold me real tight and kiss me back. As usual the movie made me cry, I try my best not to but I can't help it, besides I had a helping hand to wipe away my tears and extra cuddles and kisses to stop them.

As the movie concluded I waited for my boyfriends reaction - there was no reaction forthcoming, only silence. I feared the movie may have bored him and he'd fallen to sleep; I turned my head and looked upwards towards him to find him looking straight back at me, smiling. That was beautiful, I would never have watched something like that if it wasn't for you, thank you he said before leaning towards me and kissing me.

Now were sat together sipping brandy and listening to Richmond Fontaine live at the Doug Fir Lounge - quite a beautiful album that's steeped in the same kind of melancholic tones as the movie. I don't know but it just seemed like the perfect music to compliment the movie and the night as a whole. And this post seems like a cop out - I shouldn't be blogging, all my attention should be on the guy sat beside me, and it will be soon; I just needed to record the moment - it's beautiful, innocent and heartfelt just like my boyfriend.

I needed this tonight, after the crap I was subjected to yesterday I needed it more than ever. A low key night, snuggled up close to the guy I love, whilst watching a movie of pure human emotion. There's comfort to be found within the simplest of things..............

Why cant.......

......... everyone be like my boyfriend? And I don't mean to say why can't everyone understand me, love me and treat me kindly because I appreciate that's all but impossible; besides I don't want everyone to love me - my boyfriends love is more than enough. But what's so wrong with wanting to be treated with dignity, humanity and respect? Particularly so by the people I spend a great deal of my time with; too much to be honest if today has been anything to go by!

Today - working and I'd had a great day up until late afternoon; a pleasant, happy smiley day that soon took a turn for the worst. I don't ask a lot at work, I go about my job, do what's expected of me and try my very best to inject some fun and sunshine into those I pass along the way. In return I wish to be treated in a civil manner by my colleagues, that's all; it appears it's too much to expect. I just don't understand why people actually set out with the intention of saying or doing something that they know is offensive and will cause suffering; why do people do that? What kind of mindset must such people have and what kind of life must they lead whereupon they gain enjoyment by causing others pain? Can anyone answer that? Because I have serious trouble in even beginning to try and understand it. Why cannot people just leave others be? If someone's happy in their life why cannot it be celebrated and rejoiced? Why must they always try to wipe that smile of the face of the beholder? It makes me want to cry in desperation - not for myself but for the utter pity certain corners of society contain.

Why must those that know I'm gay make accusations that I am the father of a child of a pregnant mother? Do they not understand such accusations cause me offence. Why must those that know my mother refer to her with such demeaning terminology that I almost walked? Why must I have to get home from work and phone my boyfriend to gain some relief from all this crap? The answer to the last question is easy - because I can; because I find safety and refuge there, where I know I will come to no harm and my mind will be eased. Because he sees the world so much more clearly, because he's level headed, because he's wise beyond his years, because he cares for me and loves me.

He made a difference - this post would have been a whole lot different without speaking to him; the rest of my evening would have been a whole lot different too. He can't change the bigoted minds of others but he can change mine with a few carefully chosen words spoken in a familiar hushed tone. It's a gift, he's my certainty in an uncertain world, my sunshine on a cloudy day, my smile that cannot be broken. He told me to stop playing the sad music he heard in the background - I did; he's my baby, my sweetheart xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

Not gay!

I learned today that I'm not gay - seriously; and you maybe sat wherever you find yourself in the World reading this and be shocked but just spare a thought for me! To find out myself that I'm not gay was more than a shock - all these years of fancying the pants of men, of kissing them, of touching them and of having sex with them has all been a complete and utter waste of time. My boyfriend will be mortified when he finds out (well I hope he will be anyway); I mean where does it leave us? He's a guy after all, a seriously cute, sexy, kind, romantic, sweetheart of a guy but if I'm not gay then there can be no future for us - OH SHIT! And what do you do with girls? Because I've no idea and I'll have to be the top in the relationship (or whatever it's referred to in straight relationships); what is it referred to? I'm side tracking but it is a serious question; then again there probably isn't a terminology for it because of differences in biological makeup; a guy will always "do" the girl in such instances - how boring and how ghastly to boot! Could you ever imagine me having a sexual relationship with a woman? No, me neither, which means I'm cured; either that or someone's been lying to me today........

I was sat in my office at work today with Ian when Arnold walked in. Earlier in the day I'd purchased the latest copy of Attitude magazine (a gay lifestyle magazine for those not in the know) from WH Smiths. As usual with gay magazines it was on the top shelf (I pity gay-boys who are short) and wrapped in cellophane so as not to disgust all the silly straight people in the World who may just be corrupted and mentally scarred for life by reading such material! Anyway I read some of it whilst on my lunch and upon my return to the office I casually threw it upon the desk.

When Arnold walked in he noticed and picked up the magazine; looking upon the front cover (some hunk in a pair of briefs and nothing else) he enquires what's this? A gay magazine I reply (quite obviously) to which he asks what are you doing with his? Because I'm gay (quite obviously) to which he replies you're not gay; the reply not being a surprised you're not gay nor a question you're not gay? It was a matter of fact reply, a statement if you will - Arnold telling me categorically that I'm not gay. I was trying my hardest not to laugh at this point so I retorted with my boyfriends going to be real pissed off when he finds that out! I guess it finally sunk in and stuck; he made the connection that I was not winding him up but was indeed telling the truth. Oh so you've got a partner then he stated............

No I have a boyfriend - why does almost every straight friend or colleague I know, barring a few of my very best friends, refer to my boyfriend as my partner? I don't think they're trying to be politically correct or anything; to be honest I think they either can't get their heads fully around the thought of actually personally knowing someone in a gay relationship or they don't know how to approach the subject and are kind of embarrassed of relating to a guy and his boyfriend. A guy and his partner probably sounds much more civil to them, it doesn't actually specify homosexuality - a partner could be any gender and would be presumed of the opposite sex to those that do not know me - I don't know but that's my hypothesis. I find myself quite uneasy with the term; I'm gay, I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my boyfriend - I'm not going to hide the fact. I AM A GUY AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! Hence, I corrected him.......

Even Ian does it - he refers to my boyfriend as my partner; if that's their way of dealing with it and being comfortable with it then so be it; I won't lose any sleep. Talking of Ian, since the revelation of my confirmed outing we've become real good friends again; which when all is said and done is a good thing. But there's something else I've noticed of late - I think he really enjoys having a gay friend, seriously; and I'm not being big headed with that observation. He takes a great deal of interest in the gay side and is always asking lots of questions; I think it's sweet and I'm never shy in dishing the detail - you think this blog is bad? You should see what my personal friends have to put up with - if I did it in on here Blogger would shut me down within a heartbeat! But I love my straight friends for what they are even if I don't fully understand their logic in heterosexual relationships.

Missed call

So I lied.................

Hello again Blogger world, yes I'm back on here again tonight when I said I wouldn't be; and talking of lying someone phone up and nominate me to go on Jeremy Kyle to take a lie detector test. A strange request admittedly but I guess it may seem to those of you who read this thing regularly that each time my boyfriend and I have sex and I decide to blog about it it's the best ever and it can't possibly get any better. Sounds familiar right? I'll take the test!

The sex this evening, oh my gosh - there's no way in the world it can get any better; it's impossible. If it does I will die, I'm 100% certain of that fact; I mean, well I don't know, I'll leave it because I'm in real danger of using a myriad of foul and colourful language. There's something wrong with me, there must be, because I don't even believe it myself - how much pleasure I derive and can survive; I had to slow the action down and take a breather on numerous occasions throughout. I was in serious danger of passing out, but that's not the real reason for this post.

Whilst we were rocketing ourselves beyond the heavens I missed a phone call from my Mum - I left my phone downstairs in the lounge; it was a wise move because I wouldn't have been able to talk anyway. Once we'd finished, recovered, cleaned up and returned downstairs I noticed the missed call and phoned my Mum back - it was a mistake. I was still on a serious high, still short of breath and my body was shaking (I kid you not) I should have left it a while. As soon as she answered and we got past the hello and how are you she asked where I'd been (it was some time between the missed call and my return call) and I replied by bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter; she guessed where I'd been. I think there are somethings that a Son shouldn't really tell his Mum and I may have pushed that boundary slightly further tonight. I guess she didn't really want to know that my boyfriend and I had just had sex, that it was the best sex I've ever had in my life and I thought I was going to die during it. Mercifully she has a very open mind, a wicked sense of humour and is not easily offended; the rest of the conversation turned into a mockery of me making no sense at all, choosing instead to laugh uncontrollably.

If there's any consolation to be had my Mum knows I'm very happy and I guess it's what every Mother wants for their children - for them to be happy. There's no denying that........

One way traffic

01 September 2009, where did that come from? We're heading into Autumn and Winter - it's my favourite time of year; I love the short days and the long, cold nights and this year should be even better as my boyfriend will help to fill those long nights and keep the cold at bay. Gosh, I'm so stupidly in love with him and I love myself for it!

With the months flying by at supersonic speed you'd think the last thing I'd be wanting to do is wish the day over with as soon as it began; but that's exactly what I've been doing today. I couldn't wait to get home tonight, it couldn't come around quickly enough and the relief when I found myself walking in through my front door was tangible. All I've been thinking about today is seeing my boyfriend tonight, obviously because it's fantastic to see him in all his gorgeous cuteness and spend some time with him. But, being very honest, mostly because I'm just incredibly horny and need to get laid; as crazy and one dimensional as it sounds it's the truth. I just don't know what's up with me but I cannot get enough lately, I mentioned in a post over the weekend that perhaps I need therapy - at the time it was meant as a joke, but now I'm not sure.....

Or is it me because maybe the problem lays elsewhere, with my boyfriend perhaps? He's too cute, too sexy and the World Champion in the Bedroom Olympics; not that I'm trying to apportion blame elsewhere nor am I complaining about it. But of late sex together has been ridiculously, incredibly, awe inspiringly, jaw droppingly FANTASTIC - each and every time without fail. Then again you all probably knew that already! However I promise not to blog about it later on, honestly - I think you've read enough of my one way mindset and how it's temporarily cured.

Anyway, my boyfriend will be here shortly so I'll wish you a good night boys and girls; I know it's early but like I said no more posts tonight. Even if I have to ask my boyfriend to tie me to the bed to keep me away from the computer (note to self - great idea) you won't hear from again until tomorrow at the earliest! Take care of each other friends, love to you all xxxx.