Wrong

Sometimes I'm wrong, sometimes my judgement of people is way off the mark and because of that sometimes such people surprise me - even when in my heart of hearts it really shouldn't have been a surprise at all because I should have known better due to the fact that I've known the person in this instance a very long time, 13 years to be exact. Like I said a very long time.........

The story started early this morning at work, it was a very bad start to the day to be honest because I was already tired and kind of grumpy. I wish there was something good to be tired about but I was alone last night, I just couldn't sleep and spent half the night tossing and turning. Add to that the lack of sleep from Thursday night when there was something good to be tired about and it all took it's toll. Hence, I lost my cool twice today with a couple of colleagues who deemed it both necessary and funny to joke about my sexuality. Now I like a laugh and joke over my sexuality as long as it's in good faith but this wasn't, I found it particularly offensive and distasteful; some people just don't know when to quit. Their taunts hurt me, I mean I'm openly gay and I expect a certain amount of abuse from random strangers; and I have endured very mild abuse from such in the past. But to endure such abuse from colleagues, people who know and work with me is a step too far, I just don't understand it. I appreciate they probably do not mean to cause any harm but no-one should ever have to endure such abuse regardless of its intention.

Furthermore, my boyfriend once suffered something far worse from a homophobic piece of shit and it kind of came back to haunt me. I just couldn't let it ride, for the love of my boyfriend and his experience; and for the right to live our lives without fear or threat just because we are in a same sex relationship and do not wish to hide the fact. I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my boyfriend, hence I'd be a hypocrite to have just stood there and took the abuse. So I didn't and I lost my cool over it but I found recompense and safe harbour in the most unlikely of places..........

I spoke to Ian about it, yes we finally talked about my sexuality! I know I haven't posted any details on here about this but our friendship became strained of late. He found out I was gay a couple of weeks back from other colleagues and was upset with me for not telling him personally. We didn't speak for a week thereafter, I knew he knew and he finally knew the truth about me but neither of us were willing to start the ball rolling; we were both waiting on each other. I wish our first conversation about it related to better times but still you've got to start somewhere and he surprised me. He was very understanding, empathetic and happy for me and my boyfriend; I would have told him more to be honest but with a tired and unhappy mind I wasn't overly forthcoming with the detail but it'll wait for another day.

He also addressed the issue of my sexuality within the workplace and the problems I may face as result; and even though I know it's his job to do so it was very kind of him. It's just very reassuring to have that support, understanding and care in place both from a colleague and a friend. I've been unkind to him in the past, I've spoke unkindly of him and I didn't trust him with the truth. Like I said I judged him and I was wrong; there followed a surprise that really shouldn't have been. I know he thinks a great deal of me and in my mind the biggest obstacle between us was my sexuality, the obstacle that could make or break our friendship. I thought it would break our friendship, I was wrong again........