Missing

So, as you're aware dear readers I got sent home from work after two hours today due to illness, I think it was a blessing to be honest. You see I missed the leaving party for Big I last night and during my short appearance at work I learned that there were certain people who had been speaking of me in derogatory terms because of it. If I had met them today I think I would have lost my cool to some serious tune. Now I know I probably shouldn't be blogging this but I'm bored and anyway it hasn't upset me any; it's riled me but I think I'm entitled to be.

I referred to this last night in my post about people thinking I'm a side-show freak; that's what the majority of it was about but as it's reared it's head again today I'm going to elaborate on it. Once again I was harassed by many a person to attend the party last night which, if you know me well, puts me off the whole idea immediately. As I've said before, I do not understand why people find it so necessary to believe my attendance will enhance anything, because it wouldn't. People wanting to see me outside the boundaries of work, unconstrained, letting myself go, what for? How will that ever enhance their lives? Anyway, unless I'm seriously cool with the whole ideal, the venue, the people and the atmosphere then they would not see any change in me. Gosh, just ask my boyfriend and how I was with him when we first met and started going out - so quiet, introvert and nervous, it's nothing like I am with him now. 

Besides how am I supposed to be cool with anything when so many people are harassing me to go and expecting to see a side of me they don't know. There's just way too much pressure for me to handle and such people do not know the slightest thing about me anyway. They are work colleagues and I'm a person they see walking through their lives at work - me in work mode. I talk to them and pass the time of day but that does not mean they know me nor have the right to expect me to be their friend, to be at their beck and call, to go out partying with them and show my boyfriend off to them. Because that will probably never happen and I do not believe they then have the right to talk of me in derogatory terms because I fail to appear, to be the entertainer, the joker and the idle chit-chat of drunken antics the following day.

How dare anyone ever attempt to judge me or my decision making on how I spend my free time. I am my own man, I do what I want and go where I want outside of work. I spend such times with people that know me, I'm comfortable with and want to be with - mostly my boyfriend. He does not expect nor demand anything more from me than for me to be myself, because that's all I am. 

Anyone else that believes or expects anything more of me is just disillusioned. If such people require the services of a side-show freak go look elsewhere, go get some friends or go look in the mirror because I will be missing......