Starting out again

As I mentioned on Saturday I've been struggling most of this week with mixed emotions. You see I go on holiday this Thursday to Nerja in Andalusia for a week with my parents. Now, if I may digress slightly, I come under some criticism from time to time about going on holiday with my parents, people don't understand it. I love my parents and we get on very well but as they don't live near me I don't see them very often - a fleeting day here and there is the norm. So to spend some quality time together is very special and should be cherished; hence for the past five or so years we've taken holidays together and it's great. We rent a villa with its' own private pool and have a whale of a time - my parents are seriously cool and fun to be around. Nerja is a wonderful part of the world too, it's the third time we've been there, the same villa too; it's still kind of laid back, underdeveloped and has missed the worst parts of the tourist train. 

So I'm really looking forward to the holiday - I can't wait; but the joy is also tinged with sadness because my boyfriend will not be with me, I won't see him for a week and I will invariably miss him. During my quiet times this week I've been thinking this over in my mind - thinking on it way too much and it has blighted my emotions. I guess, if you think about things too much they will weigh you down and you'll lose focus of the positives and concentrate solely on the negatives - it's what I've been guilty of anyway. Hence, my lack of blogging this week - the negatives have clouded my judgement and, as my boyfriend taught me some time ago, I do not give any ink to such thoughts. I've not even mentioned the holiday to my boyfriend - he knows I'm going on holiday but I've not brought it up in conversation, in fact I've been trying to steer clear of it. 

However, on Friday night it was brought up in conversation by my boyfriend, he knew something was amiss, and I spilled the beans on how I felt - my mixed emotions over it; I'm glad we spoke about it. He helped refocus my mind and my thoughts on it and made me view it all in a much more positive manner - his outlook on life is just so pure, sometimes I am so envious of his mindset. He made me see I have two wonderful assets to the situation - I go on holiday for a week with my parents and have a great time with people I love and then when it's over and I normally face the grim reality of returning back home - this time it's different because there's another positive to look forward to. I return home, sun-kissed, relaxed and refreshed to someone else I love - my boyfriend. Isn't that just a perfect way to look at and live life? Isn't that a great situation? To have two wonderful things to look forward to - he made me see I am so very lucky!  

Not that we're kidding ourselves, I'm sure it will be difficult at times and we will miss each other but that will just make the homecoming all the more sweet; and can you imagine how horny we'll be after a week without sex? The first night together is going to be awesome, it'll be like we're starting out all over again. 

Words not required

Good evening blogger world I trust you've all had a wonderful weekend; we have it's been great and the sun has shined throughout. It's been hot too and we've both suffered some from overexposure to the sun - we're both a bit red but thankfully it's not painful. Perhaps I should have practised what I preach and applied some sunscreen - I'm always going on about it but you just don't realise how strong the sun is until it's too late. And why does the true extent only ever become apparent after you've had a shower? Neither of us looked sunburnt whilst we were out otherwise we would have covered up but after a shower my chest, shoulders and the top of my arms look like a lobster, ditto for my boyfriends shoulders and back. Anyway it was a good excuse to apply after-sun to each others bodies and we did it liberally! 

It was worth it though, if only for the site of my boyfriend in a pair of shorts and little else all day - gosh he is so sexy and it turns me on to see him dressed like that; particularly whilst out and about in public. Talking of dressed like that, with the warm weather my boyfriend took the opportunity to wear his linen shirt and trousers I bought for him for his birthday, for the first time last night. They suit him so very much; the smart/casual look, a laid back approach, a smile on his face, a glint in his eye and a kiss on his lips - life is so good at times. The night was great as ever; and not only for the drinks, the music, the atmosphere and the laughter; but for something far more simple. 

I guess it was around 10 o'clock last night, when the dark of the night was gradually encroaching and a crescent of the moon was shining. We were stood outside watching it - holding hands; and you could feel the heat of the day rising up from the ground, seriously. It surrounded us, reminded us of the beautiful day spent together beneath summer skies and warmed us through the cool of the night. Such a magical moment - it's hard to explain, it was like we were connected as one to nature, an integral part of the universe; I was lost, dumbfounded and speechless in the beauty of it all. I turned to my boyfriend who silently and gently kissed me on the cheek  - a magical moment had just been made perfect. Sometimes words are not required....................

Do not disturb

Apologies for not checking in for a while but please be assured that I'm not ignoring you blogger world. I've been feeling kind of indifferent for most of the week and if I get time at some point later on I'll explain all to you. 

For now the sun is shining, the sky is blue, it's very warm and my boyfriend is with me. My indifference has disappeared replaced only by happy thoughts and happy times. The day has been busy and the night promises much; this is my first weekend and my first days off regardless for four weeks hence we've been enjoying ourselves in every conceivable way. The blog has taken a back seat for the weekend but you're all still in my thoughts, I promise. 

I hope the sun has been shining in your world and may your night be filled with reflections of the moon in your loved ones eyes. Peace and love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxx.

Dreams

I slept well last night - very well, after three weeks without a day off work and most of those days involving early starts I was tired; but I don't think that's the real reason why I slept so well. As promised my boyfriend kept me safe and warm through the night by cuddling me in his arms; it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. 

I guess it's some sort of hardwired emotion, a sense memory from childhood, where you're at your most vulnerable, and the safety and security you feel from a loving hug is life affirming; I don't think that feeling ever leaves you - I never want that feeling to leave me, it's beautiful. To crave something so much, something so innocent, to simply want to fall asleep cradled in my boyfriends arms is so pure and to have someone who understands and empathises such an emotional need is beyond any words I could possibly convey. 

His arms around me, my head resting on his chest and his kiss upon my cheek gave me a peaceful and happy mind and soul; I felt so safe and closer than ever to my boyfriend - to feel his chest rising and falling when he breathed just made us feel as one. I slept soundly and, as crazy as it sounds, it felt like we were surrounded by angels watching over us and protecting us through the night. I woke up in the early hours of the morning and I don't think either of us had moved a muscle, I was still in the same position and my boyfriends arms were still around me. I turned my head to look at my boyfriend - he was sleeping so peacefully and looked so tender and fragile; it was one of the most beautiful sights I'd ever seen and one of the most beautiful nights we'd spent together. It was like the best dream I could ever have except when I awoke the dream continued......................

Caught cold

It's been another warm and sunny day here in Stockport dear readers, it's a shame I wasn't in a similar vein. This morning I was caught cold - so cold I was taken aback and kind of speechless for a short period of time; I had no comebacks, witty retorts, nothing........

You see late last night my boyfriend emailed our girlfriend - which is nothing unusual; I used to look in on what he was writing and sometimes still do out of curiosity if he'll allow me. But now as we're very trusting with each other and have no secrets I don't sit in unless he wants me too, I just leave him to it. 

Now my boyfriend has often criticised me in the past for over-sharing on here, particularly in respect of our sex life, but it brings me great joy and pleasure and sometimes I just need to tell the world. I do lack self-control at times whereas my boyfriend has it in copious amounts, however last night his self-control appeared to escape him. 

When I met our girlfriend today she told me about the email she'd received, no surprises there; and then proceeded to tell me there was something I was going to share with her - big question mark moment, I was lost and had no idea what she was referring to. To be honest I thought I'd done something wrong or upset her and so was awaiting the onslaught. My clueless state was obviously apparent and so she gave me a clue - the shower! Oh my gosh............

I was dumbstruck and embarrassed big time - I don't know why but I was seriously embarrassed; perhaps it was because I was caught cold and was not expecting such a revelation. That and the fact my boyfriend does not normally share such detail, he leaves it for me to do because I normally do a very good job! But I didn't, he was expecting me to share the detail and I really wasn't going to. You see my boyfriend and I shared a shower last night and he made that quite clear in the email to girlfriend, minus the intimate detail I might add. Now I've recovered, managed to read the email a couple of times and digested it I'm cool with the whole situation; and seeming as though it appears such detail is no longer banned I will continue...............

If you've never shared a shower with your partner before boys and girls I urge you to do it - it was the first time we'd tried it last night, it won't be the last. It's just such an erotic, sensual and horny experience - it heightens the senses, the feelings and brings a whole new set of parameters to proceedings. To kiss, touch and caress each other whilst under a warm shower is something else; the warm water flowing over naked flesh, the feeling of wet skin pressed against wet skin and the heat from two bodies intertwined as one combined with the warmth of the water is a wonderful experience. Then to be pressed up against wet tiles in the shower, in a confined space, where movement is restricted whilst getting shagged is unbelievable. It made the whole experience feel so dirty and so cheap; and as I love the feeling of being dirty and cheap it made me feel so horny. I was in the right place anyway, at least when we were finished I could wash the dirtiness and cheapness away!

Mathematics

+

+

=

Oh gosh, what a treat upon my return home from work today, how I love summer. My boyfriend in a pair of shorts, damn he looks so hot and sexy in shorts; obviously it's nothing I've not seen before but still.....................

I don't know what it is exactly but it turned me on to see him in the shorts. Perhaps it was the premise of the bare flesh on show, something I normally associate with him in a state of undress but now presented to me as everyday wear - as normal. The promise of the treasure that lay beneath the light coverage of the material, so close, so alluring, so erotic and so easy to reveal.

And it was so easy to reveal; he made me so horny - it was a good job we were in the house already, my hands lost all self-control followed swiftly by other parts of my anatomy. It was my only solution to the maths puzzle I was presented with. 

GOSH YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SEXY AND I LOVE YOU XOXOXOX.

A laughing matter

Good evening dear readers, I trust I find you all happy and well? May I take this opportunity to thank my boyfriend very much for helping me through a minor household disaster during the past 24 hours. I know boyfriends are supposed to care and love for another but I think mine went beyond the cause - seriously. Perhaps it was just good fortune that he was around last night but it still does not disguise the hard work and assistance he selflessly gave to help dig me out of a hole.

You see last night, we went upstairs to make love, and I mean make love, it was so gentle, slow and sensual - almost poetic in its' act; and gosh he kept me on the boil for so long before allowing me to explode in ecstasy. But before we went upstairs I took care of some household chores and put the washing machine on. By the time we'd finished and kissed, cuddled, come back down from heaven and recovered I nipped downstairs thinking the washing would be finished too....................

Well, the washing machine was well into it's spin cycle but it wasn't spinning and the drum was still full of water, how strange I thought. I turned the programme round to drain and nothing, turned it round to spin and nothing; I tried just about every single programme to attempt to make it kick into action but it just kept on going through the washing cycle relentlessly. It began to upset me, I tried swearing and kicking the washing machine but that didn't help either. Alerted by my dramatic antics my boyfriend joined me in the kitchen - he tried the cycles, tried draining and spinning - nothing, he didn't go as far as me and so didn't kick nor swear at it - he's the one with the even head and temperament. Nevertheless we were getting nowhere fast, it was quite obvious the washing machine was, to put it politely, broken. So what do you do with a washer full of clothes and water that you can't get out? You use the emergency drain on the front causing a minor disaster.........................

We had buckets and towels ready to catch the water from the drum but why do they position the emergency drain so close to the ground? It's so low it's useless, you can't get a bucket underneath it to catch the water; and we didn't realise how much water the washing machine holds - trust me it's a lot! I undid the emergency drain and regardless of the fact that you can't get a bucket under it to catch it, if we'd have had ten buckets it wouldn't have been enough. Water shot and spilled everywhere except into the bucket, all over the kitchen floor and all over us, hence we spent the best part an hour drying and cleaning up - not the best post-sex ritual ever invented nor the best way to spend a Friday night; it took us until eleven o'clock at night to finish. But if I'd have been on my own it would have overwhelmed and upset me to some tune - I'd have lost some serious cool, so thanks again to my boyfriend - who found humour in the circumstance of two mostly naked guys fresh from having sex on bended hands and knees in the kitchen; and began laughing as the water was washing around my kitchen and over us. We ended up in hysterics and perhaps made the situation worse as we were in no state to concentrate our attention on the spilling water due to laughing - the more we and the kitchen got soaked the funnier we found it. 

I was working the following morning and one of the major benefits of working in the Town Centre is that I'm surrounded by shops, so early morning I nipped into Westgate to partake in a bit of essential retail therapy and my luck began to change. They had a sale on so I picked up a £300 washing machine for £180, got it delivered by lunchtime courtesy of the works pick-up van and spent the evening when I got home from work setting it up; all done and dusted within 24 hours  - washing away like a dream and like nothing has happened! It's a cracker too, all electronic programming, variable spin and temperature, a 7 kg payload, automatic water fill depending on the load, double A class, anti-crease, delicate, wool and hand wash cycles (for all my lingerie). You can tell I'm well disciplined in the arts of household care can't you? A proper gay-boy, I'll make a nice wife to some lucky guy one day!

Anyway thanks again boyfriend for all your help and for turning a no laughing matter into quite the opposite; I promise I'll make it up to you - it will be fun! Love, hugs and kisses to you xoxoxoxo. 

Be safe

I'm not sure if you're aware dear readers but it's National Condom Week, seriously - I read it in the newspaper earlier this week. Of course being gay and sexually active condoms are a necessity; and I have never had full sex with anyone who refuses to wear one. Even know with a steady boyfriend they're still essential  - there's lots of nasty things you can catch from having unprotected anal sex and we don't want or desire any nasty surprises nor to be put out of action for any length of time. At the end of the day it's just a showing of respect to each other; regardless as to how long you've known the guy and the status of the relationship.

During my single times of sexual promiscuity I never once encountered a problem with a guy refusing to wear a condom for anal sex. I don't think I've been lucky either because I've been speaking about this with my boyfriend and he's never encountered a problem either. Between us we've had a few (note polite and obscure use of terminology) sexual partners/buddies and it's taken for granted these days, it's a must have. 

So seeming as though it is National Condom Week it would be rude if we didn't celebrate it, so we just have! I love those moments of togetherness after sex, just lay there holding each other after being together as one, both satisfied and coming down from the high  - it's the most beautiful feeling ever. This evening is slightly different though as our post-sex ritual has involved completing a sex survey for National Condom Week on http://www.durexsurvey.co.uk/ I urge you all to do it, it's great fun; particularly if you complete it with your partner present. You also stand the chance of winning £50 of Durex goodies for your time and honesty in completing the survey - lets hope we're lucky!

I warn you now though there are some very revealing questions that require answering truthfully and honestly, so if you do complete it with your partner be sure you're comfortable, trusting and your relationship can withstand it - it may bring to light some skeletons that he/she does not know about you. To be honest I think it's aimed more at straight rather than gay people, as there's some daft questions such as "have you ever tried anal sex" and "whilst having sex do you think about people of the same sex" - we're both gay males, do I need to say anymore...............? 

Did we learn anything about each other by completing it? No, not really it just kind of reiterated pretty much what we already knew - we are very open with our sexual needs, desires, fetishes and histories. That said, the question about how many sexual partners have you had raised a few eyebrows but in my defence my memory is quite poor so I took a conservative guess either that or I lost count; my boyfriend on the other hand had to rely on the use of a scientific calculator with an extra-wide display to add his up - and people call me a slut! But he has learned some very good tricks from his escapades and as is often said, practice makes perfect, it's true boys and girls I can vouch for that statement. Anyway we're off to try and conquer the condom mountain we have currently amassed, admittedly it's dirty and tiring work but someone's got to do it and it's such fun too; they should see us through a week or two. 

In the meantime have a great night dear readers wherever you are and whoever you may find yourself with. Remember to have fun, do not listen to those who judge you because of it and always be safe. Life is short - go share it and enjoy every minute xxxxxxxxxxx.

No excuses

I need to get banned from JD Sports for my own health - my financial health, as it appears I'm trying single-handed to keep them out of recession. I have spent so much money in that shop in the past week I should be a shareholder; but they have got some wonderful clothes and trainers in at the moment. If I had any more disposable income I'd need a new house just to home my purchases. 

Anyway I used to associate JD Sports with the chav culture because, in my eyes that's what it was - a chav magnet where all the hard boys would buy their uniform of tracksuit bottoms and hoodies. Of late, it's changed and they've become fashion driven, still in a casual sports look, but it now appeals to those beyond their chav years; people like me - and that's the problem............

You see I can't walk past the shop without looking or popping in and as I'm very weak willed I will often to succumb to impulse buys, although not in a bad way, in a kind of that's looks nice way. So that's exactly what I did on Tuesday, I was walking past and I spotted a pair of grey with blue stripes Adidas old-school tracksuit bottoms - I was smitten. Then I did the worst thing possible, I asked girlfriend for a second opinion in her role as fashion advisor and she agreed - they were officially cool. I never need an excuse to spend money, hence I was powerless to resist so I bought them along with a mkenzie grey and blue striped polo t-shirt which just matched so perfectly. 

As always girlfriends fashion advice was spot on because I unveiled the new look to my boyfriend this evening and he loves it, so much that he took a photo of my new ensemble for me to share with you above. Before moving on to take photo's of what lay underneath, which, to be honest, is just a shameless excuse for me to show off what my boyfriend can have and what other gay-boys are missing out on. Again I never need an excuse to do this either.................

Closer than ever

I was home alone last night, work commitments kept my boyfriend and I apart; which is nothing unusual at times unfortunately and some of those times are difficult because sometimes I miss him. I don't usually blog about such times because they're usually not a great deal of fun for obvious reasons and don't make interesting reading. However, last night was different......... 

It was magical, even though we were apart, we spoke on the phone and then decided to post comments on various of my blogs on here - it's something we've not done for a while and it's an opportunity to have a bit of fun and kill some downtime. Now we normally get carried away with such comment posting, each of us trying to outdo one another and last night started out no differently. Then it changed................

I was feeling quite emotional anyway, for the past few days I've had these beautiful thoughts running through my mind about how wonderful my life is at the moment. Not only that but I fully appreciate this fact and cherish the thoughts - they make me so happy and contented. I guess these thoughts kind of spilled out into some of the comments I posted last night, which is nothing unusual for me. However, whereas the small talk between my boyfriend and I usually remains private and personal they also kind of crept into the comments last night. 

It was just so beautiful, innocent and pure particularly on my boyfriends behalf - I think he outdid me last night in making some of those private thoughts public; and rather than being embarrassing it was a fleeting moment of sheer translucency. The words he wrote on here just translated so well, too well to be honest, because it was completely obvious to me that he was in a beautiful, dreamy mood and I wasn't with him to share it. I love such times when we find ourselves at complete surrender to each other; when your heart is talking and where everything else in the world just kind of slips away. 

I could have cried last night - they would have been tears of joy, because despite us being apart, it felt like we were closer than ever..............

60 years young

It's been another birthday girls day today and a very special one at that. My, Big I's and girlfriends good friend Gill was 60 today so I hope you will all join me in sending her birthday wishes filled with happiness and love. It was a great day to be honest we had a get together to celebrate her birthday filled with cake, chocolate muffins, wine, gifts, cards and love. Big I turned up too which was very thoughtful of her - although I suspect she only came down for the free wine and cakes! (Only joking Big I it was nice to see you again.) It's a shame girlfriend couldn't make it down, it would have made the occasion perfect, but we all have our own lives to lead and we can't be everywhere at once; but you were missed by myself and Gill.

I'm not a huge fan of such get togethers normally, they often feel contrived and as if it's just going through the motions for the sake of it. Gill's was different, it broke the mould, it felt like everyone wanted to be there, it felt very special and genuinely filled with love.

It was very heartening and I was chuffed to bits for Gill, she's a great friend and I care for her dearly; so to feel so much love for her and see her so happy was beautiful. It was just a shame when a group of people get together that there's always one that has to try and attract the attention and the limelight, today was no different. Stupid, childish comments throughout from a tosser who's old and fat enough to know better; thankfully it did not detract from the overall occasion. 

Anyway I'm sure there must be some mistake regarding her birth date, seriously. There is no way Gill is that old, she sure doesn't act it anyway, she could give me a run for my money and I love her so for being like that. I hope when I reach 60 I act just the same - it's the only way to live!

Happy birthday Gill - love, hugs and kisses to you xxxxx.

Try again

Good evening blogger world, I trust this post finds you all happy and well; and incase your wondering I'm fine and dandy thank you very much - as is my boyfriend. I hope I didn't shock you too much with the post last night about my excursions into cross dressing, it was just one of those things that happened, something I guess I had to try out at some point - I have a very open and inquisitive mind when it comes to such things. The worst thing about that whole episode wasn't the dressing up, it did nothing for my sexual gratification but I didn't mind doing it in the confines of the bedroom, it was the whole girl thing. I maybe gay but I'm still a guy and I think of myself as such, so the be called a good or dirty girl was weird and somewhat disrespectful regardless of whether it was said in the throes of sex. I appreciate we all have our own little sexual fetishes and desires - and I guess that was his, it turned him on but still. He should have kept such thoughts to himself and left the words and statements unspoken.

That and I genuinely do think towards the end he did see me as a girl in his mind - it turned me off completely. I like guys to fancy me because I'm a guy - that's the whole point of being gay; it's exactly how I portray it anyway - I fancy guys for being guys. Anyway it finished and I went on to better things, much better things. I may have also been somewhat unkind in my original post by saying he was probably a closet bisexual who had a wife and kids because I don't honestly know. For all I know he could have been a single gay-boy with a strange fetish, or lived with his mum or something - hence why the hook-ups were always on his terms and at my house. Whatever he was, it was wrong of me to judge, I know being judged because of your sexuality is hurtful, I hope he found happiness, love and understanding.

This post was meant to be about something completely different but I've side-tracked again. I'll share my original thoughts in another post; I'll try again....................

A long, long time ago............

I've thought long and hard since last night about the women's lingerie photos I posted and, more pointedly, about whether I should post the story of how I came to own such items. I guess to clear up any potential misunderstandings or misnomers that may arise as result of me keeping quiet over it, I have decided to spill the beans; that and crumbling to peer pressure! My boyfriend thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever heard - perhaps it is when I recite it personally and it's littered with colourful language; however I promise to keep it within the bounds of decency on here so I hope it doesn't detract from the humour any. 

Before I begin, I had the most bizarre lunch time conversation today; I spent the majority of my lunch time discussing women's lingerie. Apparently the colour combination I chose for the photos is all wrong - the black thong and white stockings are a major no, no; I guess they should all be the same colour? I obviously don't understand the etiquette of lingerie wearing, but fear not for I shall learn - a friend has kindly offered to teach me the pros and cons of women's lingerie. 

Now I know I'm gay and I have a strong effeminate side, but regardless of the fact I'm still a guy and I like wearing guys clothes; I also like guys to look like guys. I'm not a fan of cross dressing or cross dressers it does nothing for me. As I've written in the past I'm gay because I fancy men end of; I could never fancy a guy dressed as a girl - for me it defeats the object, you may as well be straight. I'm also a man of contradiction as the photos from last night bare testament to, as does this story................

A long, long time ago before I met my boyfriend, before I started this blog and before I told anyone I was gay, I met this guy online. We chatted online for a while and swapped photos and stuff before eventually deciding to meet. From the outset he made it clear he didn't want a relationship - he just wanted a sex buddy, which was cool with me as he wasn't exactly my type of guy; but as a no strings attached sex fix he was all right (in my non overly fussy standards kind of way for such affairs!) So we met at my house, had sex and it was great - he was good both in and out of the bedroom, he appeared intelligent, clean, polite and fun. He was also quite muscular, not overly, and liked to be the dominant top; and as such he gave me a right good screwing - oh happy days! When all was said and done we agreed to meet up again, kept in touch online, arranged hook-ups and so it went.

A couple of weeks and a few sex sessions later we were chatting online and he turned the conversation around to talk about sexual fetishes and eventually he asked me if I ever cross dressed, to which I replied no. Then came the million dollar question, would I mind role playing the next time we met? Like what, I replied. Like dressing up in women's lingerie - or at least panties and stockings he enquired. I guess a normal gay-boy would say good bye at this point, see you around. Me, well I'm pretty open minded within the bedroom department and open to suggestions to make sex more interesting, so I said as long as you buy the gear - yes! And he did and he became quite strange......................

So it started with panties and stockings - he always liked the satin gear and he became a different man - he became an animal within the bedroom. It turned him on no end to see me dressed like that - he loved the bare flesh between the stocking tops and the panties, I think that was his big thing, he would kiss and caress that area of my body during foreplay. Me, well I didn't gain any sexual satisfaction from wearing the gear but I did receive it from him, so I thought it was a fair deal. 

Then it escalated, he bought me a pleated skirt to add to the combination (hence the photo reconstruction above) and eventually a red satin maids outfit - I kid you not! (Photo reconstruction not forthcoming!) His sexual tendencies changed too, when I was giving head or getting screwed he began referring to me as a good girl or a dirty girl depending on the circumstances. I also noticed he became less interested in my cock - he wouldn't touch it, never mind anything else. It hit me as odd behaviour but he was a good shag and he began bringing a bottle of brandy around for me so I put up with it for a while.

Then one day it hit me strikingly obvious - in his eyes I was no longer a gay-boy I'd changed to a woman, I was certain of it. The cross dressing, the girl remarks during foreplay and sex, the lack of interest shown in my cock. Besides it had started to get boring, it was all one-sided, his-sided and I just felt like his human sex-toy; so I ended it. I told him I'd found a boyfriend and so wasn't prepared to shag around anymore - it was not true but it did the trick!

In the weeks after we finished I wondered many things - we'd been sex buddies for a few months but we always met when he wanted, always at my house, he never stayed over and he'd never give me his phone number. He'd just turn up, dress me up, screw me and leave - I didn't ask that many questions of him at the time. But in hindsight I'm sure he was hiding his life, hiding in the closet, hiding from his wife and kids - a closet bisexual having an affair with me. I may be wrong in my whole estimation here but I've never met a guy like that before or after. I had the last laugh though if this was true because I wasn't exactly faithful to him during the period. 

So I kept some if not all of the lingerie and accessories he bought me for prosperity; as a reminder of the strange times. I've never worn them since and the bits I could find took some searching down for the photos. I don't miss them and I don't miss him nor the sex; I do miss the free brandy though...................

Birthday wishes

Good evening dear readers, today is a very special day. So please join me and my boyfriend in wishing our girlfriend a Very Happy Birthday. Girlfriend is a very special person in my life, a very special friend and the sexiest woman I know - I am so lucky! Even though her beauty and sexiness is wasted on me I can still appreciate it. 

But it's her friendship that counts and means so much - with girlfriend I've found a friend who understands me, listens to me, gives me time, makes me laugh and offers safety when I'm ill at ease with life. I can talk to girlfriend about anything and she puts a smile upon my face just by being a part of my life. She's my fashion guru, my shopping buddy and my window into the straight side of life. 

And we share so much in common - it's quite scary how much; perhaps that's why we get on so well. We've also shared so many good times and laughed so hard and so often it hurt - the night of the X-Factor final is an example that will live in my memory forever. So I thought I'd post a music video for girlfriend and I chose "Lemon" by U2, a live cut taken from the Zoo TV Tour. Talking of which girlfriend and I went to the exact same Zoo TV tour gig in Cardiff back in the early 90's before we even knew each other - see what I mean? I chose this because it's the best song from the album from the greatest gig there has ever been. Which kind of sums up girlfriend perfectly, she's the best - my best friend; and she also owns an old-school Adidas top in lemon!

Happy birthday girlfriend, lots of love, hugs and kisses to you from Boyfriend 1 & 2 xoxoxoxo.

Absolutely irresistible

My modelling of the t-shirt for Jackie and Di earlier this week on here went down very well with all concerned. Everyone who has viewed the photos liked the look I obtained and were suitably impressed; I think I may have shocked those people who thought I was a run of the mill, quiet, boy next door type, but assumptions are there to be shot down aren't they? How little some people who think they know me actually know, but I do like to make a statement occasionally and live outside of perception. There have been a fair few friends who said I looked camp in the photos, I don't mind that, I mean how can a gay guy wearing a pair of white PVC hot pants and a black skinny fit, crop t-shirt look anything but? Besides I'll always act the part.................

So Jackie and Di handed me another challenge, another t-shirt modelling job to photograph and document on here; I gratefully accepted. This time it was a red, long sleeve, skinny fit, crop t-shirt and I was at a loss of what to pair with it; I obviously needed to better my last attempt - to cause further laughter and shock. Thankfully girlfriend came to my rescue, it was unintentional on her part I might add, but it gave me the inspiration....................

I was sat with girlfriend and she pointed out an article in the newspaper about Victoria Beckham; and how she'd been paid an obscene amount of money to pose in stockings, suspenders and a thong for a billboard campaign for lingerie. Something in my mind lit up and I began laughing maniacally the image had been formed, girlfriend knew I was up to something but I refused to be drawn on the matter; she even asked, "we aren't going to see you posing in a thong next are we?" Well....................

First of all I was unsure if I still owned the items I needed; and secondly if I did I had no idea where I might find them. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your point of view and morality) after a short time of searching I found most of them (I refuse to be drawn on how I came to own such items!) Still if it's good enough for Mrs Beckham then it's surely good enough for me? Besides I don't need millions of pounds to model lingerie, I do it for free and as the t-shirt suggests I think I look absolutely irresistible! 

Where are my beer goggles?

If this is the type of guy I kiss when I'm sober and behaving myself then I am indebted to alcohol. Back in the day, when I was single and went out on the pull it appears rather than debilitating my judgement alcohol actually helped my judgement because I don't recall ever kissing a guy like this nor waking up in the morning next to one. Where are my beer goggles when I need them?

Not that I can drink that much anyway nor did it take a great deal to make with go with a guy - that's the whole point of going out on the pull, right? To get laid? Not that I'm saying every guy I ever slept with was a stunner, far from it, and sometimes I did wake up in the morning not knowing where I was and wondering what was asleep beside me. For one night stands or random hook ups I was never that fussy to be honest; as long as they weren't mingers, had a pulse, a cock and practised safe sex then that was good enough for me. (That's slightly unfair but it sounds funny and I know a fair few people who think that of me anyway! And why is it if a straight guy, or a gay guy who tops, go out and have random, meaningless sex with loads of girls or guys they're thought of as studs; but if a straight girl or a gay guy who bottoms [such as I] does the same they're thought of as sluts? I don't understand it, I mean is it because the straight girl or gay bottom guy are the submissive party? If so what difference does it make? Not that the tag bothers me - I was happy being a slut and I'm happy to be known as a slut - I'm an easy lay so what?) Luckily I have absolutely no need to do any of that these days...........

Down off my high horse and back to the story, that's not my boyfriend I'm kissing in the photo, he's younger, slimmer, cuter and a whole lot sexier for it - I have much better taste in men; and no I've not turned into a slut again nor am I cheating on my boyfriend. It's just me and big fists messing about at work this morning - big fists being my Manager - yes, it's been another tough day at the office!

Surprise

I like to surprise my boyfriend every now and then; this evening was no exception. As I mentioned earlier in the week, when I was bored, I went shopping on the internet; during my online shopping trip I bought some more underwear. How much underwear does one guy need? Judging by my standards lots and lots!

Now I've read a great deal about ginch gonch underwear, there's no denying they do produce some funky prints and my favourite style - the short trunk, and they're supposed to be the comfiest underwear a man can own. But the price has always put me off - £20 for a pair of trunks is somewhat expensive isn't it? However during my internet foray I found them with 25% off and in some to-die-for prints, which combined with boredom, weak self control and a credit card proved too much for me............

So I ordered five pairs, just to try them out and judging by the reaction I got this evening they are worth every single penny! You see I didn't tell my boyfriend about them and when they were revealed in all their glory, well I know he liked them! They are cool, funky and fun pants; and it's amazing how they can bring you confidence and an air of sexiness. The print on these babies is quite apt isn't it? I mean they're pink in colour and they've got a hot-dog print all over them; and you know how much I love hot-dogs right? 

I also got a pair for my boyfriend as a gift and he's going to wear them tonight. He's going to tease me with them, we're going out for a few beers shortly and, as a result, I'm not going to see them until later. I find that so horny, I can visualise the scene in my mind - what he'll look like wearing them and how they'll fit and show off his body but I won't be able to see it personally. I won't be able to touch and feel either no matter how worked up or impatient I get! 

Damn I'm so horny and want to be so dirty tonight - seriously dirty; I can't wait to get him back through my front door................

Failure

No one likes failure do they? Well I've had a double whammy of it over the past couple of days, yes lucky me! First off my right elbow, I'll give you an update; yesterday I was very brave and went to see the Pharmacist in Boots. I explained to her the symptoms and how I think it occurred to which she advised I'd strained the muscles around my elbow. She gave me some super-strength ibuprofen gel to rub into the affected area and some pain killers to help with the pain. I was kind of dubious to be honest, she didn't inspect my elbow or nothing, how does she know what it is without having a look I thought. 

I guess she was right though, after two days of applying the gel my elbow is less painful and I can pretty much straighten it; the pain killers I did without - I don't like taking them unnecessarily and as the pain wasn't excruciating I didn't see the point. But I have the best swelling I've ever seen around my elbow, I'm seriously proud of it, it looks awesome; I've tried taking a photo of it to show you all on here but it doesn't show it very well. On the subject of swellings Mr Cute, oh-baby-you're-all-mine, will be with me shortly and I'm certain he'll be impressed with my swelling - I'm sure he'll gain much enjoyment from touching and stroking it! Girlfriend said I should keep moving my elbow to help ease it up, advice which I scoffed at at the time but tonight just for you girlfriend I will follow such advice. And why does everyone suddenly become Quincy MD when you're suffering an injury? I don't understand it, all my friends suddenly revealing themselves as closet doctors and giving their advice on the best ways to get better; just so surreal. 

Back to failure, I've been struggling some to apply the ibuprofen gel to my elbow, particularly yesterday when it was still painful and difficult to move. I was hoping someone would help me out in applying the gel, to save me from my obvious difficulties - my girlfriend for example. Despite me putting on a brave face and working through the pain barrier not once did she offer to help me. She had the perfect opportunity to undress me and nurse and nurture me back to full health; to prove what a nice and caring girlfriend she is, but nothing! I mean surely the thought of me allowing her to undress me would be incentive enough? To look, feel and touch my naked body; to rub my swelling until it went down is an offer not to be missed right? Wrong - failure number one. Perhaps my failing was to perceive straight relationships the same as gay ones; I guess girls are not as easy as guys!

To add insult to injury my boyfriend and I did our very best to wind girlfriend up last night with the comments posted on one of my earlier posts, I think it's the one entitled "Ten-men." Posting comments about forgetting her birthday and not been able to afford to buy her a present and the like. The prank took a lot of planning and effort it didn't just happen off the cuff and a great deal of time was invested in it. We thought the pay-off would be quite spectacular, very funny and worth the effort involved; we were certain we'd get a reaction from girlfriend. Guess what? Yes, nothing again - girlfriend did not even read the blog last night, she'd not even read it by the time I gave her our present this afternoon; by which time it was apparent that the whole thing was indeed a wind up.  Worthless, once again just total and utter failure.

There's a familiar thread running through this post that's just occurred to me; both posts involve girlfriend, so I guess there must be a moral here, a lesson to be learned....................

Unless you like the taste of failure DON'T MESS WITH GIRLFRIEND! 

Not straight

Who said exercise was good for you? Whoever coined the phrase is wrong trust me because my right elbow has gone worse, much worse this evening. If you can recall dear readers I injured it working out the other night and I woke up the following morning in some discomfort. That discomfort has not gone away and now well................

I've gone a high pain threshold and I don't like to admit things are wrong; but I've got some serious pain tonight and something is definitely wrong. I cannot straighten my right elbow, as daft as it sounds I can't - it's impossible, it's like it's locked or something. I can move it up towards me but I can't move it down and straighten it and it's swollen quite badly; I didn't realise how bad until I put a short sleeve t-shirt on. Now it's not the bone so I know nothing is broken; it's the muscles or whatever else that surround it on the front side; I can feel them tightening when I try to straighten it and they're tender to touch. It's also kind of numb and tingling down to my fingers.

I'm not overly worried or anything but it is kind of scary because it's far from normal and it may mean a trip to the doctors or something; gosh how they unsettle me. I'll see how it feels in the morning, if it's not gone away or eased then I guess I may need it looking at. In my original post I told you I learned the hard way, trust me I wasn't making it up. At least I've not lost my sense of humour, perhaps my right elbow is falling into line with the rest of my body and has realised I'm not straight! 

Good night blogger friends, sleep well xxxxx. 

Tart

As well as pretending to be ten-men today I've also been pretending to be a tart, okay I know I've no need to pretend to be! Let's say I've been acting the tart and flirting like mad with women today; for some reason I find it so funny to flirt with women. Obviously it's harmless fun, if any one of them took the bait I would seriously run for my life, but they all know me and take it as it's meant to be - a joke.

So I asked to see Tracy's puppies, invited Ellie round for tea, told Mary her breasts were all wet, had finger sex with Stacey (that sounds worse than it is trust me) asked Sid if he fancied a snog (Sid is a guy I know but it was harmless flirting - he's way old) and flirted in general with Jackie and Di. Di had a t-shirt on advertising the products they sell and I jokingly said, "have you got a t-shirt that would suit me?" The next time I passed the shop, hey presto one t-shirt especially for me, thank you very much!

All was going well laughing and joking with the ladies until Di says something that's like a red rag to a bull; "I want to see a photo of you wearing it." Oh my, like I need encouragement, like I need an excuse; then came the instant realisation of what would look so good with a skinny, crop fit t-shirt. That's where the photos below were born, in a moment of madness, from a silly comment on a sunny Tuesday afternoon at work. So what did I choose to partner my newly acquired black, skinny, crop fit t-shirt? Well, my white PVC hot pants of course! What a perfect combination! Did I not tell you I was a tart?

Ten-men

Today has been fun, at last a day that has not involved blandness, happy days boys and girls. But I have been hurting, my renegade approach to recommencing working out on the advanced men's level last night after such a long break in hindsight was not such a good idea. I woke up this morning and discovered I could hardly move my right elbow and when I did it hurt quite badly; the pain and discomfort has stayed with me throughout the day. You live and you learn, for me it's often the hard way, but I learn regardlessly. 

Barring my elbow I have felt the benefit of working out today; I just feel more as one and my posture feels better, particularly my back. It's given me confidence too, perhaps too much of it because I have been in peoples faces today at work, in a nice, mischievous, cheeky kind of way. It was good to see girlfriend today, I've not seen her since Friday and I suffered tracksuit top envy; she's got the most gorgeous pale yellow Adidas old-school tracksuit top, which suits her so much. Talking of girlfriend she got the brunt of my mischievous, cheeky mood today but it's been a while since I've seen her, so that's okay isn't it? I was kind of threatening to punch her, in jest I might add - I would never hurt girlfriend, and I tried my best to wind her up and agitate her some. But when all is said and done, I think she took it well, it's just me paying her some attention that's all; I guess it could have been worse and I could have ignored her! It's my way of saying I've missed you and I love you, strange admittedly but sometimes, that's me.........

I don't think, even if I did want to fight girlfriend, that I'd win she's kind of hard and I do run away if she takes the bait and comes after me. I don't think this gay-boy was made to fight, I much prefer to deal with friendship and love; I am a big softie at heart.

Talking of friendship and love, my boyfriend is due around shortly and it's kind of a bonus; I should have been working until late tonight but I took a shift swap that allowed me to finish early, which has worked out so perfectly for the both of us. So I'll be working out again tonight, getting all sweaty and breathless but this time the fancy piece of equipment has the cutest face ever, oh gosh! 

Boring...........

Well, it's been a while since I last posted for one obvious reason - absolutely nothing of interest has happened in my life; barring my boyfriend of course, who I saw Friday and Sunday nights, who cheered me up no end! 

There's been nothing of interest at all, just days, hours minutes and seconds of blandness and it kind of dragged me down some; I don't know why but it did. Normally I like the quiet times and days filled with normality but, since Saturday, I've felt strangely out of place. Saturday night was horrendous, with no boyfriend to keep me company I felt lost - I had nothing to write about on here, I didn't want to watch television nor listen to music nor read a book - I was at a complete and utter loose end; and I abhor being bored. I like to keep my mind busy with something and I never usually find a problem doing so, otherwise I think too much and time drags. I wasn't going to blog about it, and I didn't at the time because it may have been tainted by melancholy, now in hindsight I have the judgement to choose my words. I think the major problem that brought it all on is twofold, firstly my next day off is not until the end of the month and the longevity of the period really hit home; and secondly I really felt like going out partying with my boyfriend Saturday night - I was really up for it, unfortunately I was working the following morning and boyfriend was waiting on pay day. 

Anyway today has been a better day, again not a great deal has happened but at least I'm feeling better and to help me along when I got home tonight I worked out. I own a Total Trainer 2000, it's like an all in one multi gym, it's very good but I fell out of training on it last Autumn - I just kind of lost the urge. Now, I'm slim and in pretty good shape but still I like to keep fit, to tone everything up and remain active; I don't want huge muscles or nothing like that. But I have been feeling the difference with the lack of working out of late - my back in particular has felt real weak and fragile. So this evening I gave it a go.....................

I started where I left off last Autumn on the advanced men's workout and I know you're supposed to start off on a lower level and work your way up but I needed the challenge. For the most part I was fine and then towards the end it hurt big time; I have lost a great deal of fitness, it showed. But I struggled on through until the end and one hour and a bucket of sweat later I knew I had been through a workout. But it did its' job - it released a major load of endorphins and has left me feeling just fantastic in both mind and body. Hopefully this is start of a regular work out regime, it's made me realise I do need it at the moment, I mean the only part of my body that has been getting a regular workout of late has been my bum! 

If nothing else I need to do it when I find myself at a loose end and bored because with nothing to occupy my mind on Saturday night I went online shopping, I'll save the story of the things I purchased for another day, when they arrive.................

Tired eyes

Good evening blogger friends I trust you're all happy and well. Personally, I was real glad to finish work today - seriously happy to see it gone; it's been a tough couple of days to be honest. Not in a real bad way, it's just that a mountain of paperwork that needed to be done found it's way onto my desk. Somethings I can ignore in my work life this I couldn't, it started early yesterday afternoon and I didn't finish it all until late this afternoon.

Now I hate being tied down or constrained to the office and to paperwork, particularly so much of it; it's a true reflection of my mindset and soul - I like to forge my own way, spread my wings and to tread a path that's rarely taken. So as the realisation hit me today that the paperwork was not going to be a quick fix it got to me and upset me some. It left me in a bad mood and I wasn't really a great deal of fun to be around, which in it's own way was kind of good because I was chained to the desk in the office. I became, for the first time in a long time, somewhat unsociable and may have tread on a few toes quite purposely if I'd had to interact with people - not like me at all usually. 

Just the grim task of staring at a computer screen; of watching letters and numbers fall into sentences and meaning with each press of a key; it was quite horrible. As a result my eyes hurt now, I knew they were going whilst I was working, my focus and clarity started to disown me, the computer screen became a little blurred. I guess, they're strained after the many hours of incessant staring, they feel real tired even though I am not. 

My eyes need a pick me up, something beautiful to look at, to refresh and breathe life back into them; some eye candy if you like. Luckily I know just the vision that will help and I know he will be with me soon, my boyfriend, oh gosh........................

Girlfriend knows best

As you know blogger world, I've got a girlfriend and yes I know I'm gay and I have a wonderful boyfriend, but gay-boys can still have girlfriends. Girlfriends (straight ones) are the best friends for a gay-boy like me because we share so much in common; and I could continue and elaborate some but I imagine you can guess where I'd head off to anyway................ 

So it shouldn't come as a surprise to me that girlfriend can, kind of, read me like a book; after all we talk a lot and share a great deal of things. But it appears girlfriend, amongst all her other talents, has some kind of sixth sense which is wired into my life; and I'm being deadly serious here. You see she knows what I've been up to without me having to say or do anything.

For example, last night I went out for a few beers with my boyfriend and a very nice time we had despite being constrained in Straightville (I so love that term) and when we got back home we did what comes naturally when two boyfriends go to bed! No big deal there but as a result I was kind of last minute getting into work this morning; rushing around to get ready and all. I just about managed to brush my teeth before leaving for work, in fact that was probably the reason for me almost being late - I spent far too long brushing my teeth this morning!! But you can't ignore personal oral health hygiene, it's at the top of my list and it's paying dividends. When I visited my dentist (the evil red haired one) a couple of months back he was taken aback by my oral health and how clean and shiny my teeth were; he even asked if I'd had them professionally polished. Well, not as such I replied, but I do brush more often these days and I've changed my toothpaste. What brand do you use now he enquired, to which I advised Pearl Drops! You can make your own jokes up there boys and girls, I'm just enticing you with the carrot (and again) and I'm digressing again..............

Back to the chase, I didn't see girlfriend until late morning by which time I'd fully woken up and caught up with time. One of the first things she said to me? It looks like you fell out of bed this morning - no joke! Without being told about or witnessing my escapades she knew exactly what I'd been up to with my boyfriend, because I did literally fall out out of bed and into work; how does that happen? And you may think as I did it was just a lucky guess, right? Wrong! Because later on I was sat in my office and whilst it was quiet and I was alone I decided to text my boyfriend. Who suddenly appears in the office? And knows exactly who it is I'm texting? Girlfriend, timed to absolute perfection, unnervingly so, spooky! I tell you boys and girls I can't get away with anything, girlfriend knows exactly what I'm doing at any given moment in time. 

Finally to top it all off she buys me a little gift, which is so very kind and sweet; a key ring but not just any old key ring, it's the one in the photo above. A princess key ring - how does she know I'm a princess too? Is there nothing girlfriend does not know about me? If not then I'm in serious trouble.............

New style

Well hello there blogger friends and welcome. I picked my new glasses up this afternoon, there's a photo of me wearing them, what do you think? I take the worst self-portrait photos don't I? The reflection is from the window - the frames are all one colour. But it is the best I could muster alone, where's my boyfriend when I need him? He's on his way thankfully! So why didn't I wait until he got here so he could take the photo? Well, we're going out - just local, just for a few beers; and I know I'm breaking with tradition here going out drinking when I'm working the next day. But it's his treat, taking me for a few beers just because he wants to, isn't that just so sweet, oh bless!

So we'll be acting all straight and manly tonight, whilst we're out anyway in Straightville, also known as Stockport. No touching, no holding hands, no kissing - nothing; aren't heterosexual people so narrow minded? Some of them anyway! But it's nothing we're not used to, sometimes you have to hold back your instinct and go with the flow, blend in and not cause a scene nor be a scene queen! But it does have its' benefits, all that build up of sexual tension and desire inside, just waiting to be unleashed upon the return home, when there is nothing to fear and where we can be just us. I'm digressing again................

So my new glasses, if you've been keeping up with developments I bought them nigh on a fortnight ago; why they take so long to process is anyone's guess! They're the first pair of full rim glasses I've ever found that suit me - that's an incorrect statement; girlfriend picked them for me, she has a unique talent in choosing glasses that suit me. I love them, I loved them immediately girlfriend picked them; that said I've been wearing them since late afternoon at work and it has affected my confidence slightly. Just because they're a new style for me and something different than I normally wear, so strange because I know they suit me. It felt like the first time I ever had to wear glasses pretty much full time for work; about 18 months ago, it affected my confidence so badly until I got used to wearing them. The same truths apply here, once I'm used to the new style then it will just be another day. For the time being I'll be walking on eggshells and stepping gingerly - metaphorically speaking, pretty much like when we go out tonight. 

Less is more

Well, it's rare that I edit blogs on here once they're posted, regardless of their content, they are always reflections of my mind - how I'm feeling exactly at the time. That's the whole purpose of this blog even in hindsight when perhaps certain posts may appear to be a mistake. Besides I read somewhere not so long ago that we can never learn from our mistakes if we simply erase them from memory - how true!

However, I've just finished a telephone conversation with my boyfriend and we talked about many things including the poem I posted last night, "Eyeliner blues." Now I truly believe, even in hindsight, that's it's the most perfect poem I've ever written, in every single aspect; my boyfriend agrees with this statement too. But he also told me I spoiled the whole piece by writing the fiery outburst in the comments on the poem beneath it; it spoiled the moment. I didn't understand his reasoning, it was how I felt at the time and it was the inspiration for me to write it. Then followed words of incredible wisdom..................

He told me I'd taken a negative situation, one that would often upset me, and turned into something positive - a beautiful poem. Not only that but the same ideals were reflected in the poem itself, negative situations that offered no hope turning into a positive situation that did offer hope and ultimately love. Hence it didn't, in his mind, need any further explanation, it was already written perfectly within the poem. So I read the poem again followed by the comments I'd made afterwards and................

Oh my gosh, how right my boyfriends was, as always! How true he read my intentions within the poem - sometimes I worry that my poetry will be lost on other readers. How true the fact that my comments afterwards were not required and did distract from the poem itself. So, I'm going to correct this mistake and, as rare as it is, I'm going to edit the comments made after the poem.

Whilst on the subject of conversations.................

Today has been a great day at work, I was fortunate to spend a great deal of time talking to girlfriend - I love talking to girlfriend. We spent a lot of time laughing, joking and messing about and she brightens up my working days. However, there was a passage of time that was so special and so magical in its' innocence today where the laughing and joking stopped briefly. It was replaced by conversations on the small things in life, observations, people watching and life watching. Just kind of talking for the sake of it, of things noticed, of things on the mind, of things that are not often said because there's always something else that gets in the way. I love talking in such a fashion it reminded me of how my boyfriend and I speak; I need to feel safe and at ease to speak in such terms and I guess it says a whole lot for me to able to do this with girlfriend. 

Sometimes less is more, today has proven this statement to be true; not once but twice.

Porn

My boyfriend and I both enjoy watching porn every now and then; it's nothing to be ashamed of and I imagine a fair few couples do exactly the same. There is a problem with gay porn though which we both agree on, you see if you've ever watched any it's very hedonistic. It's portrayed as a testosterone fuelled shag-fest, without emotion or romance - just two guys shagging the living daylight out of each other. It focuses solely on the act of sex and that act is more often than not extremely hard, fast and dirty without a care for anyone involved. It's a complete turn-off even for us and nothing at all like it is in real life between two guys who fancy each other. 

I know gay-boys and the act of gay sex are often thought of in such hedonistic terms as those I've described above. Perhaps because sometimes, it is true, the gay scene can be quite soulless - guys just looking for a one night stand, a quick shag without any commitment; I know....... 

Perhaps also because straight people do not understand, they empathise but do not truly understand, the fact that a guy can fancy another guy - it's quite normal if you're gay; and they could never envisage the act of sex between two guys or if they can it's been obtained through hearsay or scare mongering or gay porn. 

Now, I'm fully aware that friends that know me personally or regular readers of this blog may think my boyfriend and I fit into this hedonistic niche. At times I do spend a great deal of time either talking or blogging about our sex life, but it's not all we ever think about or do. To be honest it is an unfair reflection, we do enjoy sex and we have sex quite often; it's part of a healthy relationship and it brings us great joy. Hence I cannot contain myself from rejoicing this fact with the world; but it's not the be all and end all of our relationship - take this weekend for example, we just did regular things like anyone else would do. 

So to find a decent, realistic gay porn movie is quite a task, for those, like us, who enjoy a bit of emotional feeling with their sex. Hence my surprise when my boyfriend called me from cleaning up in the kitchen after tea to check this out. Talking of tea, we've just had the best tea ever - Steak, mushroom and garlic mayonnaise muffins with chips made by the same fair hands that are writing to you know. Just awesome, how the steak and mushrooms go so well together with the garlic mayonnaise, in fact we've eaten like kings today. We had a full English breakfast to start the day - bacon, sausage, egg, mushrooms and toast; we had a Sunday roast for lunch whilst we were out followed by hot chocolate fudge cake and ice cream for desert and now this for tea. It must be all that Salford Quays air and the walking that made us hungry today, boy do we have good appetites! 

I'm digressing aren't I? Back to the chase my boyfriend calls me to check this out - a clip of a gay porn movie he's found on the internet. Now I've posted the clip below but do not worry it does not contain any scenes of sex nor penises, nothing! If you don't want to click on the play button that's fine, it's your prerogative. But it is absolutely fantastic, so real, so emotional and so erotic - it's exactly how a gay relationship is, it reminds us so much of us. Just two guys making out on a bed, gently kissing and caressing each other, it would not surprise if they are real life boyfriends it's so sweet. Which would be a shame because we both fancy the pants off the guy on the bottom, gosh he's so HOT! (Well we would if we were single!)

That's exactly what gay porn should be about, to act out your fantasies and to reflect your own desires. There are other clips after this one but I won't post them because it does start to get down and dirty; again in a very real and emotional way but still. The guy on top has the weirdest looking penis I've ever seen by the way - it's like real thin at the bottom and real fat at the top - quite bizarre. 

World falls gently

What a great day, an absolutely perfect day to end a wonderful weekend, to banish all the negative thoughts whilst I was ill. It doesn't come as a surprise but it still mystifies me how one person has the ability to change my mood, my mindset, my days and nights; by doing nothing more than spending time together and doing ordinary things that every other couple does. 

So we ended up at Salford Quays today, what a great place. I've never thought of it as a place to go and spend time because I've never visited properly before. We went one evening in February to The Lowry to see Ray Lamontagne and of the little I saw that night it looked kind of cool. I guess it was always in the back of the mind to check it out one day, it's somewhere different if nothing else; so today we indulged. 

There's something I find quite magical about it all; the mixture of a big city being so close to water, I would so love to live near water. I guess it's some kind of magnetism or something, the human body being made up mostly of water, means humans are naturally attracted to it. It's just such a calming and relaxing experience, to stand or sit and watch and listen to the water. That's what we did for the most part, walked along the Quays, stood or sat for a while, talked and just let the day flow over us. How the tall glass fronted apartment buildings seem to grow out of the water, watching the clouds roll over the sun and the sky, feeling the sharp breeze blow any lingering cobwebs away - it was all so very enchanting. I could go crazy in attempting to explain why such simple things in life are the very best experiences, that leave such a lasting impression, but I can't. I guess I just love the pureness and innocence of such days; of finding a quiet spot for a kiss and a cuddle, of holding hands, of breathing the air, of witnessing all that is beautiful within the world. I also told my boyfriend about the poem I had written for him whilst we there, it seemed the perfect place to own up to it.

We're going back one night in the summer to check it out, it seems like a great place to go for a few drinks whilst watching the sunset and the city light up and come alive around us, that will be so cool. 

I just so love Sundays, they are the very best days to spend time doing things that bring you joy with those people that bring you joy. To forget about everything in life that's unimportant and remembering only those that bring happiness. To open your heart and soul and let the world fall gently around you........

Horror

Well, yesterday I bemoaned the fact that we were staying in last night, how wrong I was proven to be. It was a great night in watching horror movies; great fun just sat together in the dark, watching, talking, drinking, laughing and eating Easter eggs! Times together, particularly when spent without distraction are so special in their simplicity, it just bares everything down to its' natural components and makes you realise how beautiful and innocent life can be. 

So as I've already mentioned when we went out shopping yesterday we bought "Box Of The Banned", a box set of horror DVDs previously banned by the BBFC. Video nasties from the 1970's and 1980's that were so hardcore they did not get an official release and have only recently been passed for certification but are still cut. All put together by Anchor Bay which, as always, do a great job of packaging and releasing such box sets. Everyone loves a good horror movie don't they, even gay-boys watch them - only not very well.........

We started off with Zombie Flesh Eaters which is pretty much a remake of Night Of The Living Dead with the setting changed to some mystical Caribbean island. Now it was a pretty tame, run of the mill kind of affair for the most part, people trapped in an old church come hospital whilst the living dead are trying to get in to eat them. Some of the special effects were quite good considering the age of the film but still why it's been banned for so long is a mystery.  But still it kept us watching and entertained, I so love old-school horror films, and then came the most minging scene ever. A Zombie smashes through a wooden door which splinters up and grabs a woman hiding inside by her hair and starts to pull her towards the hole in the door. As she gets pulled nearer a huge splinter of wood from the door is arrowing in on her eye; now I hate the whole eye thing and the scene plays so well on the phobia from different angles until, yes you guessed it, the splinter of wood goes straight into her eye. Oh my gosh, I had one hand covering my face trying not to look - but of course you can't help yourself, whilst my other hand which was already holding onto my boyfriends hand is now crushing it. I continued to crush his hand until he finally pointed out the fact that perhaps I was holding on just a little too vigourously, but that's what's boyfriends do isn't it, give each other support? It was my time of need and he helped me through it. 

Then it got worse, much worse; and this is the real reason I wanted to blog this post, we watched, I Spit On Your Grave. Trust me, do not watch this film, it's one of the most shocking films we've ever seen. Basically, it's the story of a lone woman who's raped by four guys and then sets out to seek revenge on each of them. I have every reason to understand why this film was banned; and I understand it is still heavily cut but gosh, it is shocking.

Now modern day horror movies rely heavily on blood and gore special effects, this one doesn't. Instead it relies on an impending sense of doom and this has got bucket loads of it making it unnerving to watch. And the violence and rape that the woman is subjected to is absolutely shocking; despite it being cut and not being overly graphic. What you do see only makes the things you don't see worse, your mind conjures up the rest. It is a great horror movie and does exactly what it should do - shock and terrify even today. I'm glad we watched it even though it's not what I'd call enjoyable but I still would not recommend it; not unless you have a boyfriend with a strong hand who doesn't mind it being crushed!

Until later...........

There's many things I want to share with you and I will, but they'll have to wait. We're going out, whilst I'm gone check out my other two blogs, there's a new piece of poetry and some new photos. I'm really proud of the poem, I think it's one of the best I've ever written, it's for my boyfriend and it came straight from the heart - I hope it shows. It's the first time I've written solely for him but he's not seen it yet, he's not checked in on my blog since Friday; and I've not told him about it yet - as dumb as it sounds I feel a little embarrassed and shy over it. Gosh, I can be such a gay-boy at times..............

The photos are of nothing really, I just felt it had been a while since I updated that blog so I indulged myself, or more to the point we indulged ourselves! I think the "Prime time television" post is just spot on and the "A green t-shirt" post from this morning is just so funny. They both do exactly what the titles suggest.

Anyway, thanks for the post on your blog Big I - that's very kind; and get well soon girlfriend, love to you both xxxxxxxxx.

Until later..........