I am not

Frustration - it's like hitting my head against a brick wall and is immovable just the same. I'm still ill, I still feel like a bag of crap, I'm looking like a bag of crap, I still miss my boyfriend so much and my first weekend off for three weeks is fast approaching. The timing of this cold is impeccable.

So today has been total and utter shit for every imaginable reason; and I could go on for the rest of the night as to why. But to paraphrase the whole affair people think little more of me than some sort of side-show freak whose sole purpose in being put on this earth is to entertain them. 

I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK I AM NOT A FREAK.

I AM NOT SORRY IF I DISAPPOINT

♡♡ I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND ♡♡

XXXXXXXXX

Empty space

Well tonight my boyfriend was due to stay over at my house and possibly right now we would have been getting down, dirty and having some fun. Instead I find myself alone and writing to you blogger world which isn't as much fun. 

My cold has manifested itself and loosened up off my chest; and as is normal when I suffer from a cold is now seeping from my nose and eyes. It would have been selfish of me to allow my boyfriend over whilst I'm ill because I don't want him to catch whatever virus I currently have, what's the point in making us both ill. Besides I do feel like a bag of crap and I'm not much fun to be around when I'm ill because I don't like being under the weather. 

Still it was a difficult decision, I was so looking forward to seeing him tonight, we've not seen each other since Sunday morning, but he understands. Fate deals a dirty hand every now and then, it sure isn't fun but at least I have him in my life, at least I will recover and there will always be another time. Hopefully another time will be this weekend assuming whatever piece of crap that has infiltrated my body goes as quickly as it came. 

Time for bed boys and girls, time to recover. There will be an empty space in my bed tonight babes, it's where you should have been lay, gosh I miss you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Pick on girlfriend

Expecting friends to play by my own rules is a difficult ask, but I do expect them to do that, particularly very close friends. All the while I expect to be able to push the boundaries as far as I can and expect them to be able to take the joke. That's an impossible ask to be honest, if the roles were reversed I would take serious umbrage with the circumstance; I know because I've done it in the past and almost ruined friendships because of it.

But I am very lucky because two of my very best friends, my boyfriend and my girlfriend, do all of the above for me, even though expecting such is so very wrong of me. That said I know I've calmed down some with my boyfriend and it's rare I push the boundaries with him these days; he has been very good for me. We laugh and joke but he will always tell me if I'm overstepping the mark of decency and I will always respect such boundaries when they're pointed out to me. Furthermore, he never really says or does anything to offend me; which I guess is less than a miracle but more of an acute understanding of how I think and look at life. I think it probably comes with the time we spend together; and some trial and error in the early stages of our relationship. 

So I have my boyfriend to look after me in my free time when very little troubles me. However, I do at times struggle badly whilst at work, those I work with can be incredibly hurtful; and I have no boyfriend by my side to help me through. This is where girlfriend looks after me and it's probably fair to say that she has an even more difficult job on her hands than boyfriend. The pieces of my fragile nature are much more likely to need picking up and putting back together again at work. I find it very easy to get lost and very difficult to find my way back home. Most days, regardless of my mood, I need a safe haven and a friendly, caring face to help me through the day. It's a nice thought to know I have someone at work with whom I can talk to, share the silly little thoughts in my mind, who offers advice and support when needed, and makes me laugh and smile. 

That's my girlfriend and that's why I love her; besides she's the sexiest girlfriend in the world and no one can replace her. Which would make you think that I'd treasure her and never do her wrong; and for the most part I try my best to maintain such morals. But sometimes I fail, it's mostly in jest but all the same, you know? I'll take a joke or a set of circumstances too far and although she rarely takes offence I know it's not a true reflection of my feelings; and sometimes when I think about it, it hurts me even if it has not caused her offence. She means a lot to me, that's all and such feelings are quite easy to convey with my boyfriend for obvious reasons; but I guess it's more difficult to find a balance and an appropriate way to do that with my girlfriend.

Hence, this post tonight, which I've done pretty much for the sake of it; and not as an apology because I've upset her. Admittedly my boyfriend and I have posted some risqué comments over the past couple of nights but I think we kept them just on the right side of decency and they did not cause any offence; they certainly weren't meant to. I think it's nice to just pay someone a compliment every once in a while and give them a reminder of how much they mean, what difference they make and how much they're thought of and loved. 

Tonight, for all the right reasons, it's time to pick on girlfriend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Positivity

Some days I'm envious of people who are constantly miserable because there's no one that can make them feel any worse. That's a great statement isn't it? Not that I really mean it but it kind of sums up the majority of my day today. 

Now I'm not going to dwell on the matter nor go into detail but I'm so glad the day's over, that's enough. I'm learning some and I'm trying to stay true to a promise I made - not to give ink to events in my life that have the weight to drag me down. Besides I'm not going to change anything or anyone by airing my views on here; it will never make a bad day better and to be honest it just isn't worth it anyway because I have an inane ability to dwell too much on such negativity. 

There are people in my life that I care for dearly who do not let me dwell on the negativity. Thank you for listening...........................

Bowled over

Good evening blogger world, it's been a while hasn't it but worry not because I'm still here and I'm still alive and well. I trust you've all had a nice weekend? How's mine been? It's been real good thank you for asking and I've been kind of busy despite working through it. So I'm going to play catch up tonight as there are things I want to share and this is the first real opportunity I've had to sit down and give it some time. 

I love shopping, I do a great deal of it online these days because it's cheaper and more convenient but you cannot beat getting out and visiting your local shops. Now I used to do this alone because I was alone but isn't it so much better when you go shopping with someone else? I absolutely adore it, even if I'm not planning on buying anything it's a great way to spend a couple of hours together. Usually I go shopping with my boyfriend and because I'm with him I will often check out things I would not normally buy if I were alone, I guess because I have the benefit of a second opinion from a person I trust. It allows me to be slightly braver or it allows him to suggest options that perhaps I would not normally consider. This also works the other way too and that's the bit I particularly like, shopping with my boyfriend for my boyfriend. It just gives me so much pleasure and I cannot honestly identify the reason why except that maybe if we find something he really likes and that suits him it obviously makes him very happy; and without wishing to appear all slushy, I like to see him happy. But I think it's more than that.....

Anyway after saying all that we've not been out shopping together this weekend, I just got kind of side tracked there. But I did go shopping with girlfriend on Friday, I asked her to accompany me to Boots to check out a pair of glasses that I saw; I'm glad she came along. As I said I like a second opinion from someone I trust and it makes the whole process a whole lot more fun when I'm not alone. The glasses I saw did not suit me at all and each pair I liked the look of did not suit my face. I could have spent hours in there trawling through all the styles but thankfully girlfriend has some kind of speciality in choosing glasses that suit me; in fact she found the holy grail of glasses for me. You see I've always worn half-rim glasses as they seem to be the only style that suit my face and as a result I've always hankered for a pair of full-rim glasses but I have never been able to find a suitable pair. Up steps girlfriend with a pair of full-rim glasses that suit me perfectly, it's a miracle, a pair of Lambretta glasses with lenses for £99.00 - a bargain too. Well, that's until I added on scratch resistant and antiglare coatings along with transitions lenses (I need transitions due to having bright light sensitivity) which brought the cost up to £190.00; but it's only money after all. All I have to do now is wait until 6 May to pick them up, nigh on a fortnight until they're ready, crazy isn't it? Perhaps there handmade

by guinea pigs in Outer Mongolia and that's why they take so long and cost so much! Anyway I've also been mulling over another pair of Lambretta glasses that we saw and liked too, these were a pair of half-rim glasses, but they are just so cool and again priced at £99.00 with lenses. Can I afford it I ask myself? That's what credit cards were invented for I answer, but I don't know, I may check them out again tomorrow.

Friday night and I saw my boyfriend, it wasn't planned but it just kind of happened. We were messing about posting comments on the blog which inevitably turned to the subject of sex and I kind of propositioned him - asked him if he wanted a shag; to which he replied, yes. Next thing my phone is ringing to confirm I wasn't joking followed shortly afterwards by a knock on the door, oh happy days my friends. I won't bore you with the detail again suffice to say it was a very nice way to spend a Friday night in every aspect; it's always very nice to see him, he brightens my world up. 

Talking of unplanned, Derek B was having a birthday party at a local pub Saturday night to which I was invited. Now it is incredibly rare I mix business and pleasure and so almost always decline offers to go out with work colleagues, I just don't dig the ideal at all. What I do outside of work has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone I work with. That said I was seriously mulling the idea of heading over for a quick drink and wishing him a happy birthday but; and it is a big but...... People were hassling me all week about the party and I mean seriously pressurising me; it made me feel way uncomfortable. I abhor being pressurised to do anything, it puts me off whatever it is immediately and I just don't understand the reasons for it. People asking the same questions again and again, like the whole party depends on me; like I'm the life and the soul, like they'll see a different side to me, like they know me at all to see a different side. If they knew me they'd know how to treat me in such circumstances; and that tells the story. That's what comes from making plans. 

I dislike having to make or stick to plans; sometimes in life there's no getting away from it admittedly, but in my own free time there's little need. My boyfriend and I rarely make concrete plans to do anything, take Friday night - unplanned. We'll plan to meet up on weekends off and the like but we rarely plan how to spend the time together. It's mostly spur of the moment kind of stuff, how we feel at the time, what time we get up in the morning, what the weathers like or if a suggestion sounds good. That's how we like to live our lives, we're tied to a regime throughout our working days so it's good to escape the shackles and just take the days and nights as they come when we're together. So boyfriend saved me from the Saturday night party anyway, he knew I was so not cool with the whole idea (take note - he knows how to treat me!) so we went tenpin bowling. What a great night out, fantastic fun and a real good laugh; I've not been tenpin bowling in the longest time and forgot what a great alternate night out it is. I do have this kind of phobia with the bowling balls though, I always think my fingers are going to stick in the holes in the ball when I bowl and break them. I can never, ever get the thought out of my head - visions of a mangled up hand haunt me. 

Maybe that's why I lost? Truth be told it's probably because my boyfriend is better skilled at the discipline than I, but it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts. That's crap, it's the spending of time together, having fun, forgetting about the world for a while; that's what counts. Now I'll let you all in on a little secret here, even my boyfriend because I've not told him. I just so loved watching him bowling, watching him move and watching his mannerisms; I think that was the best part of the night for me. That and watching his cute butt, imagining what he was wearing under his jeans, wanting to kiss him, undress him and touch him. Now I know you're probably thinking here I go again - it's all I ever think about, but despite the nature of the thoughts it really wasn't like that. It just made feel so lucky, that's all - a cute, sexy guy like that and he's going out with me. I found out what he was wearing under his jeans later that night anyway, along with the kissing, undressing and touching; well if you had a cute and sexy boyfriend it would be a waste not to, wouldn't it?

When all's said and done it's been a busy weekend of fun despite work commitments; and it's been great. I'd normally be dog-tired by now after burning the candle at both ends some, but I'm not - I feel very much alive. For all the right reasons, as the weekend bids farewell, it's left me feeling bowled over. 

Personal porn star

Throughout the day I've had a reminder of how good last night was, it's not been painful, uncomfortable or anything like that; but I knew that I had been well and truly laid. I appreciate that I posted a similar blog last night but it's just the most wonderful feeling, to still feel like that, even now, almost 24 hours later. 

It's done the trick anyway, it's well and truly suppressed my horniness - so much so that I'm not sure if I could manage it again tonight if the opportunity arose; although I'm sure I'd try my very best if it did. I know it takes two but I'm so very fortunate to have a boyfriend with whom I'm so comfortable with; and that allows us to really go for it without boundaries occasionally, last night was one of those occasions. 

He's such a considerate and sensual lover which is a reflection of his persona in general; and I've never climaxed so often through penetration alone than with him. But when we really turn up the heat, oh my, it's like nothing else - unless you've experienced it you just would not understand. To try and explain it my body was paralysed with pleasure; to feel so full and so satisfied takes me over the edge each and every time. And just when I think I can't take anymore it just keeps on coming incessantly, I've seen tamer hardcore porn movies!

In fact it makes me feel like a porn star, my boyfriend should definitely be a porn star, he is incredibly talented. Not only is he good looking, good company and funny with the cutest smile you've ever seen - he's a sex god too. Gosh, Im going out with my very own porn star. With all those talents you'd think he'd make me feel so happy and for the most part he does; it's just sometimes I wake up in the morning and I feel like a baboon.  

Under-hyped

I think it's fair to say that over the past couple of nights I've been really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend. That's possibly a major understatement because it's so obvious from the posts I've blogged on here. Now the trouble with looking forward to something so, so much is the fact that when it comes around it may actually disappoint. 

You see I've pretty much been guilty of personally over-hyping tonight and I've been expecting so much from it; I couldn't help it, I've been proper horny. But still, it's a dangerous game to play because if it doesn't live up to expectations then it's nothing more than worthless is it? No matter how good it ultimately is, if you expected more, perhaps more than is humanly possible, it isn't going to suffice. 

Thankfully, I have not suffered that fate tonight - again that's possibly a major understatement. It appears I was not the only one who was seriously horny; and it was worth the wait, every single nanosecond of the wait. Just incredible, I was so receptive that well........ everything that I was called today in jest by my girlfriend was so true. It was incessant and I was totally and utterly helpless, seriously gone, lost in pleasure.

So good that I couldn't move for about five minutes afterwards and when I did eventually find the strength to move and stand up I briefly staggered as if I were drunk. You know, it could have all been a dream but for the reminder I have, trust me I know I've been well and truly laid. What a wonderful feeling that is on it's own, even now, some time afterwards, basking in the afterglow. Over-hype was not the problem tonight, it exceeded all expectations, to be perfectly honest it was under-hyped and by some margin. 

No prizes

Hello dear readers, this evening you find me hot, sweaty and all worked up; and I know it's only 18.47. But I couldn't help myself, it needed to be done, to get it out of my system, it was preying on my mind and I couldn't resist the urge, truth be told. 

Yes, I got my act together and did the gardening this evening; I cut the grass, hoed the borders, weeded and swept up after myself. With an early finish from work and the sun shining I took the opportunity and got stuck in. Besides I believe the glorious weather were experiencing at the moment is going to change towards the weekend and as I'm working right through, this evening was as good a time as ever. And it looks better for it, I like the look of a freshly tendered garden, all neat and tidy; it was an effort worthy of the end product. 

I bet you were all thinking this was going to be another over-sharing post; a description of my post-sex state when you read the first paragraph. I've fooled you haven't I? You see I don't talk about sex all the time, I can behave and respect boundaries when I try. But..... I have been so horny again this afternoon, and I mean seriously horny! It's a fine job my boyfriend is due around shortly, the wait is almost over and I can hardly contain myself. I cannot wait to be writhing and squirming around in unadulterated pleasure; to get all hot, sweaty and bothered for all the right reasons, to feel two bodies intertwined and become one. OH MY GOSH!!!

It feels like it's been weeks since I've last him and I know it's not but it does seem longer than it has been. And I've been looking at his photos so much and wishing I could see his cute face in person, to see his smile and feel his touch; it will be worth the wait. Tonight it's not about anticipation, tonight is all about participation; and I know each have an important role to play in a relationship, but no prizes for guessing which one I'd rather be doing! 

Anticipation

I wasn't going to post tonight dear readers because I'm kind of tired; last night was a late night of blogging and comment posting with my boyfriend and girlfriend. It was great fun all the same and they both make me laugh so, even during the times I find myself away from them, they are still there in this virtual world. They both make me very happy and I hope we bring some cheer to anyone else who reads or stumbles across this blog. I think that's the revelation of this blog, it's become more than it should be, more than just an online diary of my thoughts and life. Instead I think it's turned into some kind of online community where we all can share thoughts, laughs and jokes. I like how it's turned out and I like people to take part in this thing that I do, I like the sharing and connections it brings. 

But that's me going off on a tangent and not why I chose to post tonight. I was sat outside at work this evening during my last break, smoking a cigarette, looking up at the blue sky and allowing my mind to drift. Thoughts turned to my boyfriend, wishing I could see him tonight, wishing I could hold him close to my body, feel his body heat against mine, feel his touch against my skin, his lips pressed against mine; and it made me quite horny. I knew that we were unable to see each other tonight due to work commitments, but it didn't matter; in fact I think it made the thoughts all the more desirable; does that make sense? Like when you know you can't possibly have something and it makes you yearn for it even more; and it wasn't like a tortuous feeling, it was quite the opposite - a kind of sweet, soulful feeling. The longing for him made me realise just how fortunate I am and how much he means to me; we've not spent a great deal of time together this past week, which is nothing unusual at times but still I do miss him when we don't see each other.

Which is a great thing to have in a relationship, well it works for us anyway. We've spoken about this in the past and we both are very happy with how things are, it suits us both down to the ground. For the most part we live our own lives apart going about our own respective day to day business; that said we speak, text or email most days. So when we do see each other be it for a couple of hours, a night or a weekend it's always fresh and exciting because we've usually not seen each other for a while; it stops things from becoming stale and boring. It stops us from getting under each others feet, negates any tension from the relationship and as a result we very rarely argue or fall out; which for anyone that knows me is nothing short of a miracle. 

I like being in an exclusive relationship; that's what boyfriends do. I like the times we spend together but I also like the times we spend apart; because that allows me to miss him, to think of him and to cherish the times we spend together even more. I guess today was all about anticipation rather then participation, it heightens the senses, allows such thoughts as those I've had today to surface and it will make the next time all the more special because of it. 

Nothing new

Good evening blogger world, hasn't it been the most glorious day weather-wise? It certainly has in Stockport, wall to wall blue skies and sunshine, not a cloud in the sky; it's was very warm too once the sun had risen and burnt away the cool of the morning. And with the sunshine came some cute guys today - at long last; some real tasty eye candy out and about, oh gosh my sexy arse was chewing up my sexy pants in anticipation! Sorry, that's kind of gross isn't it? But funny all the same; and I just couldn't resist. 

Check out the horoscope above, for those with a keen attention to detail you'll realise it's not my horoscope, it's my boyfriends; and how true it is. He is assertive and, for the most of the time, likes to be in command, mostly of me - that's a polite term to say he likes to be on top! Talking of polite terminology, the horoscope basically says what many men and their fortunate bottoms already know; he's a whore. Perhaps I should correct that statement, it should read he was a whore - he only feeds me with his marrowbone these days, but a whore all the same and a worse whore than me!

Talking of sexually active friends, I only wish I could publish the stories my girlfriend has told me today, oh my gosh she made me blush, but they are way too X-rated for this blog. The things she got up to on the hen night makes me and my boyfriend seem positively naive and innocent; and that does take a lot dear readers, as you can probably imagine! I didn't realise the human body could take such punishment and continue to function, it's nothing short of a modern day miracle. I'm sure if an independent adjudicator had been there she would have made it into the Guinness World Record books, that's all I can say on the matter. 

Talking of women why do they all think they have some kind of mystical power to turn a gay man straight? I mean I appreciate I'm a good looking guy with one hell of a sexy arse which makes me a decent catch for anyone; but to put it bluntly I like cock and at the last check I'm pretty certain no member of the female species was naturally endowed with such an appendage. But that doesn't stop them from trying does it? Not in my case anyway. Just look at the facts boys and girls, just look at the comments to my posts on this here blog, it's strikingly obvious; both Big I and girlfriend so want a piece of me. To add to this, over the last couple of days I've found out that Mary and Angharad are also trying to get in on the act; that's four women who obviously possess a very good taste in men, that want to rip my sexy pants off me and teach me the error of my ways. The error of finding men sexually attractive and letting them have their wicked way with me. Come on girls, give me a break here, I'll still let you all grope my sexy arse but that's all okay, is that a fair deal? Besides, if you're a man in a straight relationship you have to do some work when it comes to sex don't you? Sounds too much like hard work to me, I've got more in common with the female species, truth be told; I like to lie back and get a good seeing to as much as you do. 

So all in all it's been an eventful day and many truths have been found. But when all is said and done it's just confirmed what I already suspected; because, truth be told, I've learned nothing new.....................

Urban myth

I thought I'd give you all an underwear update dear readers, yes I'm feeling kind of brave tonight, so I'll delve into the delights of underwear. As regular readers or personal friends know I recently purchased some new underwear for me and my boyfriend. I bought myself eight pairs of Harvey Mushman short trunks and have been wearing them since Thursday. Now I like the short trunk style and my decision to buy some more was due to the fact that some of my older underwear has lost some of its' support. 

First impressions are great, they are cut short - perhaps the shortest style of trunk I have ever worn and they are incredibly supportive; at first I thought they were too supportive and I have had to readjust my bits on regular occasions. But regardless of this they are very comfortable and I'm sure they'll give some over time. 

I've also just been told they're very sexy and they make my arse look hot - my boyfriends words. I don't think he was lying either judging by the reaction that did not require words! So good in fact that he's taken a photo of them allowing me to share the sight with you all; you lucky people! That and I've also just sent it to our girlfriend via MMS, she's out tonight on a hen night; I've asked her to show the photo to any cute guys she sees and ask them if they fancy a ride on it. I know what you're all thinking but please be advised it was a joke, okay, I mean my boyfriend was sat next to me when I sent it.

Talking of bums there have been various women of late who have touched mine - I don't know why and I don't complain, but they do. They say stuff like there's nothing to it, which kind of brings me onto another point. Perhaps this is a straight female issue but personally I like a small, pert bum on a guy; it turns me on some. It's so much better than a guy with anything more there; and the guys with a big bum just do nothing for me at all. I've talked about this with my boyfriend and he is in agreement with me; and his bum is small and perfectly formed too. Furthermore, and I'm not being vain here, I've been told by various other guys that I do indeed have a nice arse. So what's the problem girls? I don't know why I ask that because I'm getting the positive feedback from the correct sexuality here, so it doesn't matter. But still, what is the fascination with a big, protruding arse?  

Perhaps I could start my own urban myth here; perhaps all guys with a small, pert bottom are gay and all those with a big, protruding bottom are straight? That sounds good enough to me, it would certainly keep me happy and keep my straight female friends happy too. It's a perfect equation, in my world anyway. 

Quite normal

Good evening Blogger world, I'm glad to report that normal service will now resume; normal service means, well.........

I woke up this morning desperately needing a dump and so proceeded to curl one off (I tried my best to keep it subtle, honest.) Let me tell you getting rid of it hurt, the whole of my poop chute was on fire, seriously burning. I was sat on the throne thinking this is not right, worrying over the burning pain and wondering what was wrong to cause it. It's a good job that I'd not had sex last night and an even better job that I don't do random sex anymore because it would have made me worry like hell, thinking some guy had given me something more than a good shag. (I always use condoms for sex but they're not 100% fail safe.) Then the realisation hit me and what a relief; I had pizza for tea last night and it had sweet-fire peppers on it - lots of them. I remember at the time they made me sweat some but they are the most wonderful peppers ever, so sweet yet so fiery. Hence, they were still working their magic upon me this morning, even in leaving they reminded me of their potency. 

The rest of the day was somewhat less eventful; I was working today and not a great deal happened. But what a glorious day weather-wise, blue skies and sunshine once again; I thought it would be a great day for eye candy. A sunny Saturday in the town centre is normally good for bringing some cute guys out but nothing, none at all - what a major disappointment! Where have they all gone? It's a good job I have my very own cute guy to rely upon and it will be good to see him tonight. 

To brighten my working day I heard the best sex fetish story ever today. There's this straight guy I know who hooked up with a woman, as heterosexual people do; that's where any similarities end. Because, whilst hooked up, the guy asks the woman to wear stilettos and stand in a patch of nettles, I do not joke here boys and girls. Suffice to say the woman refused so he offers her £50.00 to do it, from thereon in the hook up went downhill at a fast pace. When I heard the tale I laughed so much, I mean how crazy is that? What kind of fetish causes such behaviour like that? I've heard and seen some strange fetishes; and each to their own but still, how would anyone ever gain any sexual gratification from asking their partner to stand in a patch of nettles whilst wearing stilettos is beyond me. 

It's that bizarre I think I'll ask him to accompany me on my next night out. Not that I want to wear a pair of stilettos whilst standing in a patch of nettles, but because he would make my behaviour look quite normal. 

Angels

"Angels flutter around her heart

Love can heal they softly call

When trouble comes to the ones she loves

Her angels come

They ease our suffering 

Heal our pain

Her angels come like healing rain

Love and angels conquer all

Like rain her healing angels fall

Love and angels conquer all

Her healing angels softly call

Amen"

Excerpt from "Angels" written by Sam Baker

For a special little angel, I know you will always be happy and loved. I will always try to be the best friend possible to those you love. I will think of you often. Sleep well xxxxxxxxx. 

How true

My horoscope for today, as soon as I read it I knew I had to include in the blog tonight. I was going to have some fun with it, kind of twist it into a story. Little did I know just how true they would turn out...............

The story does not need a twist because, as foretold, the full story did not become apparent until later in the day; and when the picture did become clear, to say it surprised me would be the biggest understatement ever. 

I'm foolish on here most of the time, laughing, joking and acting the clown. Tonight it's different because somethings demand attention to detail and respect. Somethings have no logical explanation but everything else just pales into insignificance regardless of logic or explanation because of it. 

It overwhelmed me totally and utterly; and I don't think I have ever cried so much, since well.... It's hard to explain because they weren't tears of personal pain nor anguish but they certainly weren't tears of joy either. I guess, they were tears because I was overwhelmed by the sentiment of the moment; tears because I care so very much and tears because I make a difference. I'm so very glad I make a difference and maybe brighten up the day. If nothing else it's my attempt at reciprocation; but it is so much more than that, honestly.

This evening I read the most beautiful words and the most beautiful sentiments ever committed to print; I have never been moved so much in my life. This evening I found out there is someone so very special who knows about me; it's the most beautiful gift a human being could ever hope to have. Thank you, I love you both xxxxxxxxxx.

Hands off

Referring back to last nights post again, "Stupid cupid" I found the answer today to my friends problem. It's simple they're too picky, way too picky. For someone in their position they have no right to be so picky and then complain about it ALL THE TIME. I'm not talking about a new partner here, if so then I could understand, but for a night of fun, does it matter that much? And here's me trying to help the situation some and they don't appreciate what I'm trying do for them. 

Perhaps I view such ideals differently, but as long as the potential night of fun is not a minger does it matter that much? It's nothing a few beers can't cure after all. And if it stops the constant complaining then it's a means to an end; we can all live happily ever after. I mean I point out guys to my friend  I'd gladly go to bed with if I could and they are often met with derisory words and looks. Too picky my friend, that's the problem here, or is it? Maybe, it's good to be picky, perhaps in such an instance it's another word for self-respect? It's good to have self-respect, right? I ask because I don't know! But do you put self-respect before getting laid? Even if your gagging for it? Dying to get laid? I'll hazard a guess at these questions, not a chance; I'd sooner get laid and be called a slut then go the night frustrated and without. 

Talking of which........ I saw a real cutey in Tim's today, oh my gosh. Not only was he cute, he was polite, well spoken and dressed like....... well that's a private fantasy which I almost let slip earlier today. I could have gladly taken him into the Serveway, snogged him, slowly undressed him and given him a sloppy wet blow. Gosh, I've been so horny again. 

Anyway, back to the chase - my friend. So either they're too picky or they're saving themselves for someone in particular. I think they have a crush on someone and have set their heart on him and him only. Which is kind of sweet, except that this crush happens to be in a relationship; because this crush happens to be my boyfriend. All the pieces finally made sense today; constantly wanting to meet him, sending him emails - more emails than they send me and wanting to see photos of him in his sexy underwear. I can fully understand the thought process behind this because he's cute, within the preferred age range and so hot in the bedroom department; I mean I am seriously lucky to have found him. But hey, friend or no friend, hands off please, we don't want this turning nasty. If this turns into a physical fight you do realise there will be only one winner? 

It's too big!

Good evening blogger friends, I have words of caution for you all this evening. I recently ordered some underwear from figleaves and had it delivered to work because I assumed I would be at work when it was delivered and it would not fit through my letterbox. I was right on both accounts, particularly in respect of the letterbox issue; the box they came in was so big I had trouble getting it through my fully open front door! Just unbelievable, my neighbours thought I'd ordered a 60"plasma television when they saw me walking down the road struggling with the box. 

The interest raised at work because of this box was somewhat daunting; again figleaves do not help with their emblem printed all over the box, I'm glad online sex shops do not employ similar tactics with their packaging - that would be seriously embarrassing. So all the lady people at work knew what you buy at figleaves, the men are just so out of touch and have no idea, one even assumed the box contained sex toys! Like, what? Men of a heterosexual nature all appear to be very narrow minded, the ones I know anyway; no wonder divorce rates are so high - treat the woman in your life to some sexy intimates and whilst you're at it update your underwear collection to something more fashionable too. 

So lady people are all asking what I've ordered and begging me to open the box so they can have a look. Now, here's a contradiction I raised in my post last night - I'll talk all day about what me and my boyfriend get up to in the bedroom in great detail; so showing them what underwear I've ordered for us is no big deal, right? Wrong, I got kind of embarrassed by the whole situation, seriously and I've no idea why. Maybe, as I've mentioned already, as well as ordering myself some underwear I also treated my boyfriend to some too; a surprise gift - he's no idea I've bought him some. He'll find out tonight when he gets here though and I'm sure we'll see if they suit him - I can't wait! But, getting back on track, because some of the underwear was for my boyfriend I didn't want to share the detail - I found it too personal a matter to share; and that's not a joke. I guess, as always, I'm just trying to protect him, I can't help it, those I care about I'll try and protect no matter what and no matter how stupid it may seem to others. Yes, a major contradiction, I know. 

Anyway, my underwear is kind of functional and my boyfriends is slightly more racy, I've opened the box and his feel real smooth and sexy to touch; and are kind of transparent. I can only imagine how they will feel and look once he's wearing them - oh gosh!! If I'm feeling overly-brave later I may change my mind and post some photos, whether that's a good or bad thing is open to interpretation because by then they may not be in pristine condition! 

Stupid cupid

First off I need therapy, don't I? It's a closed question dear readers because I know I do; I mean just look at what my blog has turned into. It's now a sex-fuelled odyssey and nothing more, it used to be something else, I used to be something else but I've changed; changed into a kind of sex junkie. If I'm not writing about it on here then I'm talking about it with friends and if they're not talking about it then I'll turn the conversation around so we do. 

I'm not complaining by the way and it's not an issue anyway; besides I posted a similar blog not so long ago. But I have changed, I know I have; but I count my blessings because it's so good and I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course there are many more attributes to a relationship than sex and there are in ours; but it helps doesn't it? I used to be so hesitant and shy in posting such details and nowadays it gets too much ink; and still I refuse to post other less intimate detail; I guess it's just how my mind works. But still I am now going to try and learn some restraint with the detail here; I have done it with posting about the stuff that upsets me and also in posting inflammatory comments that I used to try and unsettle certain people. 

I also think that if there's nothing overly exciting going on in my life that I can write about then I use our sex life as a kind of back up; that's always good for a post or two. That and I like to stretch boundaries in many respects; and I tried it and got away with it so I attempt to take it to the next level. Whatever this means I sincerely hope that I don't cause offence with such posts, I'm just trying to entertain you all blogger world, I guess if I have nothing else to write about then I shouldn't write, end of. 

All that's said above (the therapy bit was a joke by the way) which I kind of mean, I also know this is my blog, it's my place to write down my thoughts and life experiences; and as I've always maintained it is a reflection of my mind. I get a lot of sex, it used to be from many different guys that were a means to an end; it was meaningless, just an act of lust, hence it didn't get any ink on here. Besides, being such a slut can be viewed by some as kind of shameful. Nowadays it's all from the same guy - my boyfriend, it means something more, it has a face, a name and feelings. It just makes me very, very happy and sometimes I cannot contain those feelings; it makes me want to tell someone and makes me want to share the feelings. So occasionally I do. 

I know I have just contradicted myself here because, well..... I don't know which way I'll turn, truth be told. If I can't contain the feelings then they'll get the ink but I will try at the very least to practice some self control in the blogging aspect. I do not make any promises though, I'm just think aloud that's all, I don't know why because it doesn't worry me in the least; that and the fact that this post was meant to be about something else. So.......................

Today I tried my hand at playing cupid and what a disaster it turned out to be. I know someone that's way too nice to be where they are; I mean seriously hot. So hot I do not even begin to understand how they got there, my mind refuses to meld any kind of answer. Not that it's any of my business but it kind of freaks me out that they're not seeing as much action as they so rightly deserve, seriously. Such a waste, you know? I tried to remedy this situation by suggesting a potential answer to this conundrum, oh dear, what a terrible mistake! I was very much guilty of projecting myself into the conundrum, a means to an end kind of ideal. You see I thought a few beers could turn the answer kind of cute and then........ well if I was single then I would; which says nothing at all about the answer I had in mind nor the someone I was attempting to help. It says a great deal about me though, but I've covered that above already - add alcohol to make an instant flirtatious slut! 

Not that they even asked for my help or probably even need any help, I'm sure they're probably very happy with what they have; it was just my view on a set of unmentioned circumstance. Which as the set of circumstance were unmentioned may make you wonder where I got the idea from in the first instance? Fair question, I was just reading between the lines and trying to help someone out; and in doing so probably misread a whole lot. Anyway, even if they needed any help in this respect I'm certain they have way too much sense to ask me for advice. Like the answer to everything is to get laid. Cupid can be so wrong at times, oh stupid cupid.........

So dirty

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SEXUAL REFERENCES PLEASE DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED. 

Happy Easter dear readers, I trust however you are spending your time it brings you joy and happiness. It has with me and my boyfriend; it's been a glorious weekend and to top it all we've just had the best sex you could ever imagine. Like the photo above we've been at it like rabbits, we just can't get enough of it this weekend. Never in my life have I been so insatiable, so horny and just gagging for it at every opportunity. I'm sure I can safely say the same for my boyfriend. Before I digress can you guess which rabbit I am? If you need a clue, I am not hard of hearing! But boy has it been worth it, that's not a question, it's a statement of truth. 

So sex is often fantastic between us, sometimes mind-blowing good and occasionally just okay. But the sex we've just had now goes beyond anything I have ever experienced in my life. I have just been screwed like the dirty slut I know I am - it reconfirmed the fact. Just banged like a dirty old whore, banged to within an inch of my life, so hot, so dirty and so incessant; I thought I was going to die. 

I have never been screwed so hard and been treated so rough before, it made me feel so dirty and so cheap, it was the best feeling in the world. I so wanted to be treated like that and I was not disappointed; I must be the luckiest man alive. I was intoxicated, drunk on the sound, the feeling, the taste and the smell of dirty sex. I so want to go into great detail, greater than I have already, but...... well, it may offend and besides I guess you don't check in on this blog to read that kind of stuff. Suffice to say I ended up hot, sweaty, gasping for breath and covered in my own and my boyfriends cum. Just lay their with the heady smell of cum in the air, feeling it warm and sticky against my skin; the most glorious feeling in the world ever. 

JUST SO FUCKING DIRTY! I AM A FILTHY COCK LOVING SLUTTY WHORE! 

And I am so proud of the fact, by the way. I would not change for the world.

Better late than never

Good evening blogger friends I hope the sun is shining wherever you find yourself? It is in my world, both in the sky and figuratively speaking - I so love days like today. It's been a wonderful day weather-wise, blue skies and warm spring sunshine; and to top off a perfect day, my parents visited as promised. How did it go, the first visit since my outing? It went beautifully.

As with everybody else I have come out to, I have been treated just the same; in fact I think I get on better with my parents now as a result. Before, I was always somewhat hesitant around them, it was always in the back of mind, holding me back some; stunting conversations and my behaviour. Today, I was just me from the start, open, confident and forthcoming; it made me relaxed and carefree, there was nothing left to trouble my mind or hold me back. My parents were just so cool with it too, it was brought up in conversation and we talked about it like it was normal - which it is for me; but I'm glad they realise and appreciate that too. 

We all went shopping in Stockport, I bought a new pair of trainers, went halves on a new pair of trainers with my stepdad for my Mum and my stepdad bought a new pair too; JD Sports certainly had their share of my money today. My Mums trainers are the coolest ever, a pair of Adidas Stan Smith - I'd have bought the same pair if they did them in Men's sizes. In fact my stepdad's were kind of cool too, a pair of K-Swiss; for a mature age they both still rock, long may they rock - bless them both. 

We laughed, joked, spent money and smiled; a day that could not have been any better. My Mum was even joking about my sexuality and it was very funny. We were sat having a coffee outside at Frescos and my Mum could not light her cigarette in the breeze; I took the cigarette and lit it myself for her and handed it her back. My Mum then says I won't catch anything from it now it's been in your mouth; proper funny - made us all laugh so. I told her I'll see her at the STD clinic Monday morning, which I thought was perhaps taking the joke too far, but I got a laugh out of that too. 

She asked when I last saw my boyfriend; last night I replied, which brought another funny reply - perhaps not meant so this time. My Mum asked did you send him home afterwards? I was dying to ask after what, but I didn't I knew exactly what she meant; Mothers' intuition I guess - she knows I'm a man-whore without me having to say it. I simply replied no, he stayed the night and went home this morning. My Brother now knows I'm gay too, he reckons he knew a long time ago, whether he truly did is immaterial because it's true anyway. 

A wonderful day spent in the best possible way that could not have turned out any better. Hindsight is a wonderful thing boys and girls but I just so wish I had come out so much sooner to my parents; whatever stopped me from doing so was just pure nonsense. Still, it's better late than never...............

Love you folks xxxxxx.

I like it that way!

I received a gift today from a work mate - it's a pin badge, that's a photo of it to the left in my mouth; I've no idea why I chose to put it there! Isn't it nice to receive a surprise gift for no reason? And isn't it nice anyway? Obviously, Mike - the work mate, knows I'm gay and that's why he got it me, it's a bit of fun; and I like people to have a good-natured laugh at my sexuality. It helps to bring the subject out into the open, strips away the preconceptions about me, my life and the whole gay lifestyle. Besides I think if you can't laugh at yourself most of the time then you're in serious trouble.

I try and see the humorous side in everything and never, ever take life too seriously; I just don't see the point in being serious and overly concerned. Stuff happens in life, most of it's out my control, call it destiny or whatever you want, but I don't allow it to concern me so. Maybe, I'm lucky because it's in my nature or something like to look at life this way; and to be more specific, I have never suffered any serious homophobic abuse. Sure I sometimes let the small, insignificant things in life upset me way too much, but the bigger picture just takes care of itself. 

So the badge leads onto my parents, stay with me boys and girls, I'll try and make the connection. I was sat outside having a cigarette during my lunch break at work and I phone my Mum to see if they're coming down to visit this weekend - another weekend off, happy days. So as I'm talking to my Mum, Mike walks past with a cross attached to the front of his trousers - wearing it to kind of like ward me off from his penis. This makes me laugh some and my Mum asks me what I'm laughing at? I tell her it's Mike and she asks is he being a knob? So I slip my first gay joke into any conversation we've had since I came out to her; I said, no but he's getting his knob out for me! Perhaps not the funniest quip I've ever told but it seemed a good play on words; and it went down kind of well with my Mum, which I'm so chuffed with. 

I don't want to hide my sexuality anymore from them and I like to talk about it anyway. Obviously I will have to tone down the over-sharing I'm often guilty of, particularly when it comes to talking about sex. But still if I can get away with injecting some humour into proceedings and taking any awkwardness out of the situation then that will be good enough for me. As with the passing of time, the initial shock will pass too and it will become just a part of their life as I am. 

So my parents are coming to visit me tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it, it's the first time I'll have seen them face-to-face since I told them I was gay. It's always good to see the folks and I think it will be fun; I'll attempt to make it fun anyway. Like the implied nature of the photo, I like it that way!

Rammed to death in Town Centre car park

Well, when arriving for work at 07.00 in the morning you don't expect to be told there's a dead sheep on the car park do you? I didn't but that's exactly how my working day started this morning. All the more bizarre because I work slap bang in the centre of Stockport, if you're not familiar with Stockport it's a town with city potential. 

And like any large town, particularly within the centre, it's kind of like buildings, shops, offices, homes and roads. A real hive of activity, a concrete suburbia and not really the place you'd expect to find a sheep alive or dead; not a place you'd expect to find a farm nor the green pastures of an idyllic countryside scene -  because you wouldn't, this is Stockport. 

So with this in mind, the question that begged to be answered this morning and still remains unanswered now is where exactly did the sheep come from? How did it come to arrive at its' final resting place? It was on the out ramp of a multi-storey car park just kind of lay there like it was asleep; no signs of injury or anything - but still, when all is said and done, dead. And it was all tagged up and had spray paint on its' back, like it should belong in a farmers field somewhere; somewhere miles away from where it was, that's for sure.

Just the most bizarre set of circumstance and the most bizarre scene I have known whilst at work; and I have worked the town centre for over a decade. It was eventually removed by the Council - how they moved it I've no idea, I didn't witness it. I'm sure there was some standing around and major head scratching going on anyway, I guess it's not everyday they're called to remove a dead sheep from a town centre car park.

But before it went I took some photos, I just had to, for the record if nothing else. I mean if I posted this without photographic evidence, you wouldn't have believed me would you?

Inescapable miles

Yesterday, let me write about something yesterday. I lost some focus, I don't know why because there were no particular reasons but I did; I guess we all do from time to time. I guess we all get kind of lost for no particular reason, just lost in the hours and minutes that make up the day. So I lost some focus on the things that bring me happiness within my life, it was weird, I wasn't down or anything (I've not felt that way for the longest while, thankfully) but the happy things just seemed so distant from me. 

But it's strange, how at such times when you're struggling some, an intervention comes along right on cue to shake you back into shape. How does that happen so? And it's even stranger how such an intervention (or as in my case interventions) come from the simplest of things; things that happen most days anyway. A phone call, a text message, some silly comment posts on here; just anything that resembles a conversation between two people. They all happened last night and they were not specific to my needs at the time - my lack of focus was never mentioned nor discussed. 

However, it helped immensely, made my focus pin-sharp again and made me realise all the things in my life that bring me happiness; things I am so grateful for. The greatest thing about it? There was no physical contact; it was just words spoken, voices unseen but memorised, letters strung together to make sentences - that's all. Such things are so simple but have such immense power; it's the small things in life - I always refer to that statement.

I guess sometimes we find ourselves separated from the people in life we love, for whatever reason, by inescapable miles; be it physically or mentally. It's the nature of life, of just being; but at least they are there in my life and they make a difference regardless of the distance of the road.........

Natural harvest

It's been a long time coming but I have finally found the answer to a question that has been bugging me for the longest time. Anyway on 23 March 2009 my boyfriend and I were asked the following question by someone:

Why do I always end up poorly and I keep my clothes on and you two don't? 

Fair question I think, although I'm sure there's some hidden agenda in there and I've no idea what it's trying to insinuate? Like, we're always naked and having sex? I think not, I'm still a virgin, I'll have you know!!

Anyway, the answer has been long enough in arriving so I won't put it off any longer. The secret to our success is all down to diet; you eat a healthy diet and you, quite obviously, remain fit and healthy. It helps to protect the body and keep it in optimum balance allowing it to fight off most illnesses; simple as. And as promised the answer has been kept clean, I bet you thought we could never do it!

The diet we are both avid believers in is called, "Natural Harvest"; I implore you all to check it out and give it a go. It works for us and I have no doubt it will work for you, dear readers. Just try it once and you'll be hooked forever - I promise. There is even a cookbook which gives you lots of culinary ideas to make meal times more fun and exciting. 

In fact if I may be so brave I will print an excerpt from the book which will give you all a little taster of what's in store for you; try before you buy if you so like.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

Was it what you were expecting? 

And yes, I know I lied about keeping the answer clean. 

But it's true, as I'm sat here writing this now, you can actually buy this cookbook for the princely sum of £17.76. Why you'd want to purchase it is beyond me, but still each to there own. I mean I like to down it neat, straight from the source; you may call me hardcore but why bother making a meal of it! (Sick puppy - I know!)

The link to the website to buy it, if you're interested is http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212

But I do believe it's still the answer to the question; that's why we're never ill. Perhaps the author of the question should try it more often! (I'm going to get so badly beaten for that comment.)

Now some further questions such an answer may pose (I'll ask them for you, just incase you're a little prude!) How did I find this on the internet? It's not something you just happen across whilst casually browsing, is it? This has taken some real word specific hunting down, hasn't it? So what was I searching for in the first instance to find this? 

Like I said, I'll ask the questions this time but I'll leave the answers to your imagination. It's probably for the best................

Less money, no sense!

I read my stars in the Metro newspaper this morning and they didn't make any sense at all. They were going on about stop spending so much money and be more careful with it; I've been real thrifty with my money of late, no extravagant purchases - nothing; as I said nonsense. Or so I thought.................

Then I get home from work tonight and the stars begin to make sense, perfectly. You see I managed to spend $175.76 on the internet, that's quite a lot of money to spend on anything isn't it? But to spend that much money on two vinyl records is, well, just outlandish to be honest; but spend it I did regardless! Well, it's actually three vinyl records because one of them is a two record box set and the overall cost includes insured express shipping from the United States; but that doesn't really make a great deal of difference either! So why spend so much money you may ask?

Well, I love vinyl records and not just the sound, it's the whole physical product; just so much better in every aspect to a CD. And tonight I found the holy grail of vinyl records, one I've been trying unsuccessfully to chase down for the longest time. It's the Bob Dylan Bootleg Series Volume 4 - Royal Albert Hall 1966 Live Concert on 200 gram Super Vinyl Profile. I own the album on CD and it's one of the best and most influential concert recordings ever; if you have not heard it or heard of it, well?

I just knew it was one of those recordings that would sound so good on vinyl and to find it on 200 gram SVP it will sound even better. I own a few Neil Young records on 200 gram SVP and unless you own or here a recording on such a medium you'll have no idea of the sound quality. Just so pure, so quiet and so faithful to the original master recording.

The other record was Carole King Tapestry on 180 gram vinyl, which is, as far as I'm aware, unavailable within the UK. I only heard this record today whilst in HMV - a legacy CD version has just been released; but again it's great music that will suit vinyl so much. 

On top of the price already paid I'm sure I'll also get stung for import tax duty when it arrives on the shores of this fair island I call home, even more money!

I guess, my stars were correct after all this morning, they just took a while to come to fruition. When all's said and done they could have saved some ink and printed "Aquarius you have more money than sense"; which seeming as though I've not got that much money makes you question my sense!

Majestic beauty

What a beautiful day all in itself but an even better day to end a beautiful weekend. The sun shone today, it was a perfect spring day, it was a good day to get out and about; and so we did. We took advantage of the blue skies above us and headed out on the road to a place that I hold quite dearly in my heart. 

Buxton, I don't fully understand what it is about the place but I'm drawn to it. I have no ties to it in any way, shape or form but I love it all the same. I so want to refer to Buxton as her instead of it for some reason, so I will. Maybe that's what she is in my mind, a grand old lady that has stood the test of time; and continues to do so. She's one of my favourite places and she bucks the need to change, her past will always be there so prominent to see, so proud. And it's not just in the architecture, she just feels so different to any other place, there's an air of quaintness, of old-worldliness about her; you can feel it seeping into your mind and soul whilst walking around. It's everything I love but that is so difficult to find these days, such nostalgia has been stripped away and replaced by everyday blandness, it's very much a shame in my eyes.

And she feels a world away from where I live and what I am used to yet is under one hour away. Under one hour to escape concrete suburbia and find yourself up in the hills, up in the clouds and surrounded by nature. Gosh, what a wonderful place and what a wonderful drive, so many beautiful sights to behold, I just wish I had taken my camera or my phone to capture them, to share them with you.

What a great way to spend the day, to just stroll along without intention nor direction and take the time to just enjoy the sights and sounds for what they were. A great way to clear your mind and reconnect with your soul, with what's important in life and who's important in life. To sit out on the pavement and drink coffee whilst watching the world go by or have a Sunday roast in a traditional pub. Such simple ideals make the most perfect day, make the most wonderful memories. It reaffirms what it means to be a human being in every single aspect; for these are the days you realise are filled with a majestic beauty. 

What shame?

I adore people who can make me laugh, it's a great gift, my boyfriend is one of the funniest people I know; and I'm not being biased in my opinion here. But we were talking to this guy last night who's name I cannot recall - no change there either! Anyway, he was visiting from Ireland and what a funny guy - telling tales and cracking jokes; the Irish are just so lyrical in this respect. He told this one joke which made us all laugh so much, I had tears running down my face as a result. It was a gay joke which you may or may not get but I just had to print it here; it's the funniest thing I've heard in ages.

How do you know when your boyfriend is horny? 

When you put a hand down the back of his pants and it feels like you're feeding hay to a horse. 

Then he advised of an answer he has used in response to one of the silliest questions you can ever be asked. Again, very funny. 

Why are you gay? 

Because I can't suck my own dick!

Top geezer, major kudos to you my friend. Wishing you a safe journey back home and many more happy travels. 

I'm also going to print an entry from a blog I read called, "texts from last night." Basically people send in texts they've received or sent which they wish they had not. The link to the blog is listed on my profile and also to the left on my blog page, you should check it out there's some crackers. I could send some in myself, there's some wicked texts I have sent to other people whilst drunk. Anyway, this is the best one I've seen on there. 

My room smells like vodka and shame.

Isn't that a top text? My imagination conjures up all sorts of sordid images to accompany it. Maybe it's just me but you kind of know that feeling don't you - the morning after oh my gosh feeling. I've done that once or twice(ish), just replace the vodka for brandy and that could have been a text from me not so long ago. 

You probably knew this already....

I've been busy blogger friends, that's why you've not heard from me over the weekend, busy having fun. There's been a realisation and a very distinct change in me, it's been a change for the better. My parents now know I'm gay and despite it not changing anything in most respects, it's changed everything in others. 

I'm not living a lie anymore, everyone in my life that needs to know I'm gay now knows. I've well and truly walked out of the shadows and into the sunshine; it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. I've been changing of late anyway - I know I have; but now I think I've come full circle, it's been a strange journey, strange but natural; and I feel the most natural now. I am so happy just being myself now, I have nothing left to prove to anyone, I have no need to be over the top and no need to be extravagant because of it. If I am extrovert these days it's because I want to be and not because I feel I have to be, whatever and wherever the mood takes me is fine with me. 

People may continue to ask questions, ask too much of me and be disrespectful but I feel much more better equipped to deal with it now. I appreciate that's a bold statement for me to make but right here and right now it feels so true. Most people do not mean harm anyway and sometimes I've been less than fragile; but, I guess people within my life will always want to know what's going on to some extent, it's just human nature. 

Anyway I woke up this morning with a sore head to match my bottom - it must have been a good night. I've also got a bad back, yes I've no idea either, well maybe I have......... But barring the over-share it was a good night; I was so cool and so laid back, as I said earlier I had no desire to be anything but myself. No drunken pranks nor shameful antics just two guys out for a few beers and spending some time together - I so love life when it is presented in such a simple manner; there is a great deal to love about simplicity, to see the world broken down into its' fundamental parts. 

I suffered some homophobic abuse last night from a bunch of scallies; the first time ever, it was kind of sweet actually. There were four of them and the one with the mouth shouted and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, which brought much amusement to his mates. To be honest it brought a smile to my face too, I found it kind of funny; I'm not entirely sure if it was homophobia because it wasn't exactly nasty. Anyway, I asked him for his phone number which brought more amusement to all parties concerned; and it all ended amicably, everyone lived to tell the tale. It's a shame he wasn't forthcoming with the telephone number - he was kind of cute! 

The moral of this tale? Well, dear readers, despite the many changes in my life somethings will always remain the same - a cute guy and a cheeky grin makes me hopeless. But you probably knew this already, right?

Party tricks

Good evening dear readers, for those whom have been keeping up with the posts on here and/or know me personally, you will realise I've been kind of brave or stupid this week depending on how you wish to look at it. 

My first party trick was to get my ear pierced which went down like a lead balloon with the Management at work yesterday, when it was finally noticed in the late afternoon. How can such a tiny stud cause so much drama? You would have no idea, trust me. The crux of the matter was the earring had to go, I wasn't told directly, it came via s second party; which leads to the question why was I not informed directly? Still, I knew it would come, do you remember my run-in with the nail varnish? Yes, so not cool on my behalf, I kind of lost it slightly then. This time I didn't get upset or let it bother me, in fact I took the matter into my own hands and went to see the Manager. I explained the situation and I empathised with his point of view on it; and I advised him it had to remain in my ear for 6 weeks whilst it healed, so if possible could I continue to wear it and cover it with a plaster or tape. Once healed the earring would be removed and not be worn again to work - no problem, thank you very much.

My second party trick was to visit the doctors last night and have a steroid injection in the ganglion on my left wrist. Man, am I paying for that choice of treatment; it's been hurting like hell for most of the day and continues to do so. It's like having cramp in your wrist and each time I bang my wrist against anything - do I know about it. It's so tender to touch and slightly bruised which is, I guess, from the injection; so I hope it settles and soon. I'm sure it would have been less painful to have the thing surgically removed, but you live and learn. That may still be the option if the injection does not work; the ganglion has gone down slightly but it appears to have spread - it's like it's been squashed out. 

With all this bravery coursing through my veins (or is that steroids?) I decided to go for my third party trick during my lunch today. This would be the icing on the cake, my piece de resistance, a party trick to end all party tricks! You see my parents did not know I was gay, I have never found the nerve to tell them; and besides I did not see any difference it could possibly make - I'm their son/stepson and that's it. Not that I thought they would not understand or disown me or anything, it just seemed pointless - an embarrassment I could do without. On the other hand it always seemed a little underhanded on my behalf in not being truthful to them regardless of the point of it. So, today I corrected this small matter........

And how do you tell your Mum you're gay? Well, towards the end of the telephone conversation I said, "Oh by the way I thought you might like to know that I'm kind of gay!" Serious, as I'm sitting here writing this to you, that's what I said, that's how I came out to my Mum. Now, the I'm kind of gay bit, may be a bit of understatement admittedly - but I thought I'd take it one step at a time. If I'd continued and said, "and I've let loads of men shag me - some of whom I could not even recall their names the morning after" it may have tipped her over the edge. Her darling son being a cock crazy man whore would be a step too far to begin with. 

So after the initial shock I think it all went as well as could be expected, then came the embarrassing questions; are you seeing anyone? Where's he from? How old is he? - Oh fuck! - my thought and not my Mums; although I'm sure my Mum meant the same thing with her reply! But still, through it all I got the impression, my Mums just looking out for me, keeping my best interests at heart, making sure I'm playing safe and not getting hurt. That's what Mums do isn't it? And they never stop doing it, regardlessly? They never stop giving their love to their children - it's a beautiful thing to behold. 

So I phoned my Mum again tonight we're still speaking and my step dad now knows too ; I appreciate it may have been a shock to them and there may be some uncomfortable moments ahead, but it will pass - as it did at work and with my friends, it will just become the norm. And come the end of the day that's all it is; I am still me, nothings changed in that respect. I fancy men - that's not a party trick, it's my normal.

But I feel much better for telling them, for finally finding the nerve to do it, it's been a weight lifted. It's always been there in the back of my mind niggling away. No matter how much of a shock it may have been they deserve the truth, if nothing else; and for all the help, support and love they have given selflessly over the years, they deserve the truth. Perhaps they weren't expecting the pay-back to come in such a manner but, as my boyfriend and girlfriend have quite rightly said in the past, I do like to shock people occasionally. Today has most definitely been one of those occasions. xxxx

Trauma

What's up with my life lately dear readers? Just so much trauma that's what; going from getting my ear pierced last night to visiting the doctors tonight. I get so nervous with doctors, dentists and hospitals; I'm kind of cool when I get there but I do worry myself some beforehand. As a result I'm kind of wiped out now, so tired again. 

So I visited the doctor tonight to get my ganglion checked out, if you're unsure what a ganglion is google it or something, I have no desire to dispense with medical terminology. Anyway I've had this ganglion on my left wrist for about a year or so and I visited the doctor early last year to get it checked out - the doctor said it's nothing to worry about but if it doesn't go away then come back. Hence, my visit tonight, over a year later it's still there and I finally found the nerve to return. 

Different doctor, same old story, his mouth is moving and words are coming out but my mind is unable to process any information - just so nervous. Anyway, it ends with a choice, either a booking to be made for surgery to remove it or a steroid injection into it which has a 30% chance of destroying it. The doctors asking me what I want to do, like he's the medical professional and he's asking me! So I ask him what's best and he won't be drawn on the question. What's the point, you know? 

So I hazard a guess that a steroid injection is better than surgery and ask him if the injection will hurt? Only a little, he replies. A steroid injection it is then. I wash my hands and he washes his and then I sit down and look away whilst he's getting the needle ready; and I continue to look away awaiting the pain. Guess what, no pain, cool! 

Plaster on steroid injected ganglion, if it doesn't go away come back and see me, arrange surgery, thanks doctor, see you - I'm out of there. Walking down the road and the pain kicks in out of nowhere; and it's more than a little. What the .....? Why the delay? Serious niggling pain, not like the worst pain ever, but so uncomfortable. Thankfully, the pain appears to have abated some now, so time will tell if it works. Although saying that I have no idea how long it takes for the injection to destroy it if it works, the doctor may have told me but it sure didn't register. Perhaps I'll give it another year - by that time I'll have worked up enough nerve to return. 

As a side-effect of the steroid injection I may actually gain some weight, which is so not cool, I don't need any more weight, I'm happy. I asked the doctor if it would make me look like my boyfriend after he's been around and raided my fridge. He told me not to worry, I'd need a years worth of steroid injections to become that fat! 

That's bad isn't it? I just made that bit up, sorry babes xxxx. But I just couldn't resist, it's only a bit of fun and you're not fat. Sorry again! xxxxxx.