The same rules apply

Good evening blogger world, dear readers and friends, I trust you are all happy, well and able to sleep at night (if you wish to!) It's major confession time, so serious I think you should sit down to read this. 

The photo above is my ear - have you noticed anything different about it? Yes, that is a stud earring I'm sporting because, well I got my ear pierced this evening; surprised? Yes? Well, me too, to be perfectly honest! I'm not 100% sure if it's a brave or stupid thing to have done; you see I think it looks kind of cool but I don't really understand the point of having it done, does that make sense? I mean it has been on my mind a lot lately and I have talked about having my ear pierced, particularly with my boyfriend. It's something I so wanted to do but at the same time it's kind of pointless isn't it? Even now, when it's done and too late there is still an element of uncertainty in my mind; but at the very least I now know what I look like with my ear pierced. 

It just came out of the blue, it was never in my mind to have it done today, but the opportunity just kind of arose and after much hesitation, well.............. The things you do on the spur of the moment and with some encouragement from friends and colleagues I just bit the bullet. But I just know I should have phoned my boyfriend up to speak to him beforehand, I don't know why because he's said it would be cool if I ever got it done when we've spoke about it in the past. But I didn't have my phone on me and it genuinely did come on the spur of the moment; I guess I wanted him to be there when I got it done, that's all. To be part of the process, to hold my hand and offer me support because I was kind of nervous truth be told; I thought it might hurt. It didn't hurt at all but still it would have been nice for him to be there.

It's in my right ear too, which for those not fully aware, symbolises being gay. That brought up some interesting questions from the girls who did the piercing and may bring up some further interesting questions from those who do not know I am gay. I guess it's out there now to be discovered for those who have failed to take the hint! Like I said at the beginning of this post I'm not 100% sure if it's a brave or a stupid thing to have done - the same rules apply. 

Blood money

The only good thing to come out of this torrid tiredness happened when I got home tonight. For some reason I decided to play Tom Waits "Blood Money" record on vinyl of course, the musical medium of choice. 

Now I've owned this album for a couple of months and played it only once; I didn't get it all during the first hearing so it's just been kind of filed away. Tonight it makes perfect sense, it's the perfect record to play when you feel dog tired. What an awesome piece of art, I refer to it as art because that's what it surely is, it's so much more then just music and lyrics. I have never heard anything else like it and I have listened to a lot of music from a myriad of artists. 

It defies any kind of classification and any kind of genre; I could not even begin to describe who or what it may sound like. It's out there all on it's own, what an incredible lyricist and vocalist this guy is; as unique as the adjective itself.

If you hanker for a change in musical direction, something other than the derivative cycle of commercial radio friendly pop music, something other than anything else; this is the artist and this is the record for you. 

I want you

Well, if I felt tired last night, I don't know what is has been today, but it's been ten times worse. I had the worst nights sleep in recent memory last night, just no idea why. I was tired and I went to bed and I lay there for, must of been three hours trying to get to sleep. Just no chance, tossing and turning for hours, getting upset with the deal and finally getting five hours sleep maximum. To make matters worse I kept thinking to myself how much better the time trying unsuccessfully to get to sleep could have been spent. I was alone and well, if my boyfriend had been staying over, that time could have put to real good use. 

As a result today was horrible I went to work feeling like a bag of crap and it only got worse. I couldn't think or speak properly - it felt like my mind was numb and my eyes were just holes of nothing in my head. I wanted the day over before it had begun; I was beyond a state of tiredness and as a result I was kind of emotional. If someone had said or done the wrong thing to me today I would have either cried my eyes out or started a fight. So I just stayed away from all sources where that may have occurred. 

My overly tired mind had one reoccurring thought that helped me get through today still standing and smiling. It came in song form and the lyrics reflected my emotional state; it was for my boyfriend. I could have done with him so, so much today; just to fall asleep in his arms, my head resting on his chest was the most blissful thought, the only place I wanted to be today. Safe and sound, dreaming sweet dreams only of you. I want you, so bad xxxxxxxxxx.

Or is it?

So tired today but tired for all the right reasons. It has been a busy weekend despite finding myself at work throughout. Friends of all denominations - gosh you are all so very sweet and you all make me very happy for many different reasons. And those who you think will be the most difficult often surprise and make you feel so comfortable, that is very special in itself. It makes me feel comfortable in circumstances where I am often not. It helps me to learn, whatever that means, and it does mean so much. 

But above all I am happy and I am happy for other people too. My friends, if they are happy then that brings me so much joy and pleasure. I know they are happy and I know they deserve happiness; that's good, it's very good. A smile on a face - oh so simple and oh so beautiful, and yes it does mean the world, even if that smile is not mine. I can see the hidden words; they are reminiscent of me before I became brave to almost anyone. I like the sounds they do not make.

Nowadays I am less cynical with life, I just know I am, there is no need to tell me. It's a good way to live, it's a better way to live but not to everyone. It always will be a problem to some extent but as long as I remain true to those that are true, then that is all I need to survive. It was a naive gesture to try and be something for everyone; I guess letting people down does not come easy. But with realisation comes the notion that whilst trying to be something for everyone you can neglect those for whom the focus should be most intense. I learnt that too, myself, all on my own. 

I so love the term "boyfriend", it is so twee. It enriches the heart and soul; each and every fibre that is my make-up comes alive with that one word. It is very special to hear or speak such a simple word; or not to speak words because words are often not needed. A look, a smile, a kiss, a touch, a holding of hands speak volumes. It's a connection, one that was not foreseen nor foretold; but a connection all the same; in a community that is often devoid of such emotion. It is more than it is portrayed and more than it is subjugated to by those who wish to. That is not my choice but I do try to understand.

People may judge or ridicule, it's cool. I know who I am and what I have done. I am not ashamed even when others think I should be. The labels are for others understanding and not mine; some of them are very true. I admit that I helped in this respect; I helped by instilling trust, in hindsight it amuses me - everything. Any other person in my life is unknown for the most part. I find it difficult to understand how people may judge or ridicule the unknown. The unknown knows my truth and is known to all of you. Somehow and someway the unknown will greet us all. 

I don't know what any of this means or why I decided to share it with you. It's just a reflection of a tired mind, I guess. Random thoughts that have been strung out in my head throughout the day. That and I trimmed my pubes tonight with my hair clippers. All this nonsense just to arrive at that bombshell. Or is it?

A dirty job

Now I'm down off my high horse it's time to have some fun with the last post. I really didn't mean to become so lyrical with it and my intention was not to justify being gay to anyone. I am who I am, should this be a problem then go look in the mirror!

I love the saying contradiction is balance, it's so true; so I'm going to practice what it preaches, reinstate the balance in life. If gay people need a cure to become straight then surely straight people need a cure to become gay - fair comment? So.................

I'm going to make enquiries with British Medical Council in the hope of training to become a psychiatrist with a specialist subject of turning straight males gay. (Visions of being on Mastermind have just flirted with my mind - specialist subject? Turning straight males gay! Ha, ha, what great television that would make!) I mean let's be honest here, they have no idea what they are missing out on - none at all; and some guys are just such a waste on the female populous. 

Obviously, potential victims (sorry patients) would have to be thoroughly vetted first to make sure they were of sound mind and, more importantly, cute and under 25 years of age. Then I could engage in intense one-on-one sessions with them to show them the joys of same sex relationships. You may call me a martyr to the cause but if a cause is worth pursuing then it should be done thoroughly; and if what it takes is putting myself through many intense one-to-one sessions with cute guys under 25 years of age every day of the week, then so be it. 

It will be a long and arduous task with much sweat and tears, I know, but I will do it for the sake of achieving balance in life and perhaps helping to treat the many straight, cute, under 25 year old guys out there. Saving them from the clutches of heterosexual relationships and other unnecessary evils in life. 

In fact I am so dedicated to the cause I'm going to get some practice in tonight with my boyfriend. The things I put myself through to help the world at large out; I deserve a medal. 

And I know what you're going to say. Yes, it is a dirty job admittedly..................... but someone's got to do it!

Love is illogical

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The annual Pride London parade is a focal point for the UK's gay community

A significant number of psychiatrists and therapists are trying to help lesbian or gay patients become heterosexual, according to research.

This is despite a lack of evidence that such treatments can be beneficial or even safe, the study in the journal BMC Psychiatry said.

The research found that one in six of the 1,400 mental health professionals surveyed reported having helped at least one patient curtail their gay, lesbian or bisexual feelings.

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One in 25 psychiatrists or therapists said they would try to treat someone who was having such emotions if asked today.

Professor Michael King, from University College London, who worked on the study, said: "There is very little evidence to show that attempting to treat a person's homosexual feelings is effective and, in fact, it can actually be harmful. So it is surprising that a significant minority of practitioners still offer this help to their clients."

One anonymous professional who took part in the study said they would help a patient if they held a religious belief that forbade homosexuality. Another said: "The individuals I have worked with have all been very unhappy about their sexuality and wish they were heterosexual."

Professor King now wants to raise awareness amongst those trying to treat homosexuality.

He added: "The best approach is to help people adjust to their situation, to value them as people and show them that there is nothing whatever pathological about their sexual orientation. Both mental health practitioners and society at large must help them to confront prejudice in themselves and in others."

Academics at St George's, University of London, helped compile the research, which was funded by the Wellcome Trust. A new website - www.treatmentshomosexuality.org.uk - is also being set up where those who have received such treatment, as well as those who have administered it, can provide their own views.

Derek Munn, director of public affairs at Stonewall, the gay and lesbian equality organisation, said: "So-called gay cure therapies are wholly discredited. The conclusions of this research are a welcome reminder that what lesbian and gay people need is equal treatment by society, not misguided treatment by a minority of health professionals."

I was going to post this last night but I found myself running way out of time; and before you ask, no I wasn't busy doing sex acts of any kind - unfortunately! I find myself spending more time posting comments on older posts than actually creating new posts; that and speaking to my girlfriend and then trying to make up with my boyfriend because he can't get through on the phone because it's busy. My life, although simple and uncomplicated these days, seems to be anything but for some reason.............. 

I'm only joking dear readers, I am very happy with life, where I find myself and those I find within it; I would not change a thing. Talking of not changing a thing the above was printed in the Metro newspaper yesterday, I've copied it from their website, the press copy was slightly different. It was front page news - it must have been a slow day on the news front; there's like a global recession, wars, innocent people killed and unfortunate people starving to death due to circumstance! So let's hold the front page for health professionals who are trying to find a cure for gays, the irony is plain to see isn't it? 

For the most part I found it highly amusing, at points it made me laugh aloud, but still how pathetic. I mean I'm pretty certain you do not choose your sexuality, it chooses you for whatever reason. It may take some time to become comfortable with the realisation that you are gay, it did with me, but thereafter you just get on with life. I'm sure you don't wake up one morning and think to hell with this shagging women lark lets go try it with a man, I know I didn't and neither did any of my gay friends. They could never imagine themselves being straight and likewise my straight friends could never imagine themselves being gay. There is no logical choice to be made in this respect. 

So how can anyone find a cure for sexuality? It's not an illness nor a disease; it's just fate or how we were chosen to be, end of story. I can appreciate the fact that those who are subjected to homophobia may find it unpleasant but that would surely not make you unhappy being gay and make you want to become straight? How can you ever change such feelings within yourself? I just so love guys, that's why I'm gay, they turn me on and I enjoy becoming intimate with them. I have never truly questioned as to why because there is no answer. 

If your gay it's the most natural thing in the world to find other men attractive; it's the most erotic experience to kiss, snog and undress them; and it's the best feeling you could ever imagine to have sex with them. But if you're not gay you would not understand this train of thought; so it begs the question how many of these health professionals are gay themselves?  Rhetorical question boys and girls, answers not necessary! 

Being gay has nothing to do with the mind, nothing at all; but it has everything to do with your heart, love is illogical - love is following your heart and not your mind. How can anyone ever question another persons heartfelt feelings? And how can anyone ever hope to change the feelings within another persons heart to such a dramatic extent?

There are many evils in the world I wish we could find a cure for and there are many a peoples story worthy of front page news. Being gay does not even register on either scale.

Full service history

Good evening blogger friends, it's been a while hasn't it? That's because life has been kind of boring of late with nothing worthy of the ink; that and I've been kind of preoccupied. No, not in that way but just catching up on some shut eye; gosh I have been so tired - nigh on a fortnight of early starts and some late nights have been unkind to me. The late nights were worth it as always, besides I've got to practice being gay every now and then just to make sure I still like it; and I'm happy to report that I still like it very much!!

I guess the lack of sleep has been taking its' toll because I have received an ultimatum from my boyfriend; he's told me I've started to look kind of haggard and if I don't do something about it he's going to trade me in for a newer model. I guess that's the risk of going with a younger guy but you would think he would appreciate this when we started out and be slightly more tactful when talking of such. 

But to please him, even though he so obviously does not deserve nor appreciate me, today I visited Boots to pick up some beauty products. I told the beauty consultant of my circumstance and she told me I had wonderful skin for my age and a boyfriend who is unappreciative; but to further enhance the natural beauty I possessed she recommended I use the Boots No7 for men range of products. With advice and products in hand I proceeded to the till to pay for my products and £50.00 later I left the store feeling more haggard than when I went in. 

The photo above shows what £50.00 can get you for the money. Now, I've yet to try these products out so I cannot comment on their effectiveness; but should you find a post on here within the next month offering a second hand gay-boy with a full service history who's seen better days and requires a lot of TLC you'll know it's not gone well. 

Fingers crossed for me dear readers please xxxxxxxxx.

Always on my mind

I've got something on my mind - a something I cannot get out of my mind. If I'm not talking about in person or writing about it on here I'm thinking about it most of the time. It's become an obsession, I think I'm suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder; not in a regular way but in a sex junkie kind of way. 

All this and I can't stop checking cute guys out and thinking what I'd like to do to them and with them. Now I could fully understand this if I wasn't getting any, that would be a fair reflection of my sexual frustration; but I am, I'm getting it on a very regular basis and it's other-worldly good, the best sex ever. Maybe that's the problem, because it's so good I want more and more, I want to have that feeling all the time. 

To further complicate matters although I do check out other guys and think horny thoughts I would never have sex with them should the opportunity arise. Because I am very lucky to have a gorgeous boyfriend who is better in every single way to the eye candy I look at, I have got a modicum of self-control in this respect. 

But still it surely does not excuse such behaviour and such thoughts? I mean it's taking over my life, it's with me every waking hour of every single day; perhaps I should seek some help here, get some therapy or something. I've tried thinking of Russian agricultural tractors, visiting the dentist and even Ian naked - the latter works admittedly for a short while, but I always return to the same thoughts eventually. 

And I appreciate I should not be complaining about it, I realise I am very fortunate and there are many people out there who would love to have this problem (sorry); and truth be told I'm not complaining. This post was just an excuse to talk about sex again, you see what I mean?

What does that make me?

The memories and thoughts of last night have stayed with me throughout today, blogger world. It was such good fun in every aspect of the word and I hope it shone through with the post last night and in particular with the comments on it thereafter. I hope we did not offend anyone, I don't think we have, I think it was kept within acceptable boundaries; we were just sharing a night of good times and much laughter. 

I have never known a guy who could make me laugh so much and, more often than not, beat me at my own game. I have re-read the post and comments from last night two times through and they still make me laugh so. I wish you could have seen us passing the macbook back and forth to each other whilst making the comments, it was so funny; very childish but so funny. It reminded me in some fashion of a game of chess, staring over a computer screen whilst trying to think of the next funny retort. 

It is often said that there's a lot of truth spoken in jest and I tend to believe that statement. So applying those rules to the comments made last night on here, what does that make me? Answers are not necessary dear readers, particularly if those readers happen to be my boyfriend or girlfriend. 

On top

Good evening blogger friends, I trust you are all happy and well? It's been a while since I've talked about sex so do you mind if I do just that? I want to further push the boundaries in this respect anyway; I always try my best to keep it from being graphic, but if I want to talk about it I will. 

Today, a working day and the sun did not shine as promised; it was a real grey, overcast and rather cool day weather-wise . However, there were lots of cute guys out today, seriously; it was a dream day for me! 

Now, I know I'm not single anymore but all I was doing was looking, doing a bit of window shopping, if you like; that's still okay I think? I can't help it anyway, if a cute looking guy passes me by it's instinct to look. They were probably all straight anyway, this infamous "gaydar" all gay men are alleged to possess either needs to be reprogrammed or is not all it's made out to be. That or I just don't care if they're straight or gay; come the end of the day it doesn't matter, nothing is going to happen with anyone else for the time being. 

Back to business, some real eye candy out today, not as cute or as hot as my boyfriend, but nice all the same; and with them some real torrid thoughts were racing through my mind. Oh gosh, the thoughts about snogging them and undressing them slowly were just awesome; and then well, a real surprise.................

Some of my friends know, others may have guessed and I've kind of hinted about it on here; but I'm what's referred to as a bottom - I'm sure you can guess the rest. The odd time I switch to being on top but for the most part I do prefer being bottom. Today though, I was checking out the cute guys bums and fantasising about being on top with them; fantasising about making them squirm in pleasure. Proper horny thoughts, let me tell you, dear readers; and those thoughts are still with me, I so want to be on top. 

So what's a gay guy supposed to do with such thoughts? Well, he phones up his boyfriend during his afternoon tea break and tells him what he'd like to do to him tonight, that's what. And as far as I can see the daylight is fading fast; and it's time to turn those fantasies into reality. 

Pretty world

Good evening blogger world, tonight you find me tired, very tired; a mixture of a late night and an early morning - they never mix too well do they? But still it was nice, the late night was spent talking a great deal of nothing special to someone quite the opposite. It was the perfect end to a perfect day. I find it quite magical when someone wants to know the thoughts running through my mind when I pause, hesitate or go silent. I do that quite a lot but no matter how stupid or irrelevant those thoughts are I find a caring, loving and understanding ear that wants to listen to them; and that is also quite magical too. 

Today was another glorious day, more sunny, cloudless, endless blue skies; and again I found myself lost within the day, thinking beautiful thoughts and letting my mind wander free again. These days it's easy to smile because there is so much to be happy about; because it's such a pretty world .............................

Love is always reflected

Does the weather influence your state of mind and your mood much? It's a serious question because I'm not sure of the answer at all; I've read about Seasonal Adjustment Disorder and how that can effect people but I've never suffered in that way. I've always loved Winter, I love the short, dark days and the long cold nights and I often bemoan the Summer months when it's too hot and sticky. In a few months you'll probably here me say or read on here how I wish it was Autumn time; wishing the days were counting down to when there's a noticeable chill in the air. But still.................

Today was just the most glorious day, blue cloudless skies and endless sunshine; I'm sure it lifted my spirits so much. Or did it? It was wonderful to look up and see the blueness and feel the gentle heat of an early spring sun. The day was at its' best at around about 8.30 this morning when the sun was slowly rising, burning away any lingering mist and taking the chill out of the air. I was sat outside smoking a cigarette at that point, it was a moment of beauty I was glad to have witnessed.

For the rest of the day I did not have a negative thought in my mind nor a negative notion in my body. My mind was as clear as the sky above me and just as wondrous. My thoughts were so pure and my mind wandered in an almost dreamlike state. Thoughts of the people in my life that I love and that have helped and shaped me so much into the person I am were dominant. 

My mother, my father, my step-father, my brother and my friends, in particular my boyfriend and my girlfriend, were all in my thoughts today. They were beautiful thoughts, as beautiful as the day; if I needed any reassurances that my life is blessed with love, good fortune and happiness then it did the job; because my life is blessed in such fashion.

So did the weather influence my beautifully happy state of mind today? I think it helped; the blue skies and the never ending sunshine were reminiscent of my family and friends. Wherever I find beauty in life, whatever makes me smile and whenever I'm feeling happy, my family and friends will always be reflected. Love is always reflected xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Feel bareback

Whilst out shopping today we took a wrong turn (I get hopelessly lost and feel so out of my depth in big cities) and I misread a shop sign (I thought it read sweet shop); anyway we found ourselves in a sex shop. I've never been in a sex shop before (that's a plain lie boys and girls - I'm just trying to maintain my innocent image [another lie by the way]) but thankfully my boyfriend has visited them many times in the past (not a lie). Just to digress momentarily and tell the truth, he knew exactly where the shop was and arrowed in on it without having to think; what does that say about him? I don't know but it does mean I am very lucky!!

Anyway we're in this sex shop looking at gay porn movies and I pick this one up called, "Feel Bareback" because the guys look kind of cute on the cover. I flip it over to read the description on the back and it made me laugh so much; just the funniest description ever for a gay porn movie. The terms used for various body parts and sexual acts are just brilliant; they must have a poet writing for them. So I committed the description to memory (another lie) so I could share it with you. 

Obviously there are some graphic terms and language used so I will censor the worst parts. But if you're easily offended then please read no further. 

Eight athletic lads from the Czech Republic join forces to bring you a f**ktastic dvd in Feel Bareback from Fascinate Studios. You are treated to scenes of deep probe kissing and fingertip light caresses as these guys slowly undress each other to reveal toned bodies. Cocks strain at the cloth to be released and they stand hard and proud as f**k buddies sink to their knees to ingest these throbbing members whilst hands creep between muscular thighs to fondle tight sacs. Blood pumping fast, these young bucks can hold back no longer and the tops take control as they rim tight bottoms with darting tongues before positioning their bare throbbing cocks at the entrance to heaven. Clenching in anticipation is no barrier for the bottoms as rigid love wands ease their way up the dark tunnel and once ensconced, they pump and push until they are ready to detonate the dynamite and pull out to scatter their warm seed on their willing partners toned body. It's bareback, it's hard and it's what you want!

You're not kidding it's what I want; but then again I am kind of biased when it comes to sex with men. But, I do not jest that is the true description of the movie, isn't it awesome? Makes it sound like a Hollywood blockbuster, I can imagine the voiceover man at the cinema reeling it off. Please don't ask me how I remembered the whole description, you don't need to know and you could probably guess anyway. 

Time for bed dear readers, time to practice what the description preaches. Have a good night friends, peace and love to you all. xxxxxxxxxxx.

Time well spent

What a fine sentiment to have in life and I believe it and I'll try to achieve it every single day. I guess it always helps to have someone who you can love and laugh with; you can never have too much. Well, we've certainly tried our best today.

There can never be enough love in the World and there can never be enough laughter. It's the finest medication I know, the finest feeling you can ever have. I wish you all a life full of love and laughter; a life lived well is time well spent. 

So special

That's me - tired out, spent up, shopped out but happy. It's been a great day despite it feeling kind of strange, because it's the first day off I've had in the week for months; but it was worth it. And time has just flown by today, before you know it the day is done; but we've crammed so much into it, so much fun and laughter - just good times. 

The sun shone too eventually, I was so hoping the sun would shine down on today of all days; and it didn't disappoint. I wrote last night that friends bring sunshine into my life, there is no finer truth. Today was not a day about me; it was a day about someone else, someone very close, someone very special. I was just fortunate enough to share the day with him, days like these make me realise that I am so fortunate, days like these are so special.........................

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Lessons learned

The post from last night has gone, it's been deleted; and for very good reasons. I upset my best friend with that post; seriously upset her. It wasn't even directed at her but with me ignoring text messages and all, I can see where the link was made.

To see her so hurt from what I had done, regardless of whether it was meant or not, just tore me apart. It shattered my heart and soul; and I thought our friendship was irretrievable, gone. I have never felt so low in recent memory, I cannot put into words the sorrow I was feeling to see my best friend like that, to see our friendship on the verge of ruins. If I had been anywhere else I would have cried, I swear I would have cried, not for me, but for her. 

Because I love her to bits and I think the world of her; and I hate to see her without a smile on her face. But to know it was me that caused her smile to disappear was the worst possible feeling in the world. She is the bestest friend anyone in the world could ever have for a million and one reasons; reasons you do not need to know about blogger world. Save to say she always has my best interests at heart, makes me smile, allows me to be myself and never, ever judges me or my life. 

She is also incredibly forgiving and I think I'm correct in saying, sees the truth in me even when I find it difficult to convey. Today I was forgiven, thank-goodness I was forgiven; for a short time I was lost, totally, hopelessly and utterly lost. I do not even want to think what it would have been like without my best friend in my life and I never, ever want to revisit that scene again. Today I learnt some very good lessons, friends bring sunshine into your life and a best friend tries their very best to make sure the sunshine never ends. The days would be dark and fearful without that sunshine, I never want to experience that feeling, I never want to lose my best friend. 

Gosh, I love you so much and I'm so very sorry for upsetting you. I wish I could turn back time and erase this chapter completely, to see you upset was heartbreaking. Whilst I have air to breathe I will try my best to bring sunshine into your life too. I never, ever want to find myself apologising to you again. I cannot see now for the tears, thanks for always being there, it means the world to me..............

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Secrets foretold

I've just re-read my last post, I think it's great. I just love writing in such a vitriolic style every now and then; particularly when something unsettles me. I go either one of two ways during such times, either posting as I did last night or, more normally going into over-sharing overload. I made the right choice, on here anyway.

In person my attempts to be more guarded and mysterious failed miserably. Everything I did not feel necessary to be shared was, to a certain degree, shared. It was kind of prised from me, but still........... Maybe, I'll live to regret it somewhere down the line, time will tell. But I've just been so comfortable, so relaxed and so happy it is difficult for me not to talk to people; and besides some have guessed anyway due to my sunny disposition. I guess words were not needed because I can't hide what I feel inside to those that know me personally. 

Regardless of anything else I have reverted back to being hesitant when speaking of some personal matters. I just know - I knew anyway but I didn't know how much. So if I become hesitant then don't take it personally, it's just me being protective, taking care of someone that I care for a great deal. 

I guess some thoughts and words are best kept secret, kept in silence, until you find someone with whom you wish to share them with. Those thoughts and words are no longer a secret in my life................

I know

Well, we didn't make it to Match of the Day and perhaps it's for the best; because I would not have been able to concentrate anyway. Whatever this means, without a doubt, it means more than the sum of its' parts, more than the act itself; regardless of how good it ultimately is.

It also means a great deal more than how I choose to convey it, be it on here and, in particular, in person. They are only words, strung together to make sentences, strung together to make paragraphs, strung together to make you believe your own truth; because your own personal truth is all most people choose to believe. Despite the fact that such personal truths, particularly when used in reference to someone other than themselves, are immoral and unfounded. 

Which is a shame because there are beautiful sights to behold, beautiful stories to be told and beautiful memories to be made. All you have to do is drop your self-centred approach, look and listen to someone or something other than yourself. But that is difficult to achieve without also showing your true self, showing your soft underbelly and thus leaving yourself vulnerable.

But I know that none of us are perfect and no-one is ever any better than anyone else, it's just fortune playing us out. You can take comfort in what you have or ridicule others for what you lack; we each choose our own paths in life. Those decisions in a perfect world are for each and every individual to make of their own accord and should be upheld and respected regardlessly.

Alas, I know the world is not perfect and I also know there are many people who are less fortunate than myself; who cannot make their own decisions and are not respected in any way, shape or from. 

Hence, I am very lucky, I know that and I appreciate it immensely. There is beauty in this world, surrounding us, everywhere; there are beautiful people too and there is one person in particular. These words are mine, meaningless unless you want to understand them; that person is not me, he is unknown; I know.....................

Reasons to be cheerful

Oh dear, it's all gone quiet over there. Maybe they should rename it the Library of Dreams. Ssshhh........... quiet please!

Your fiction

I think I figured the punch line to the joke out today and if I'm correct then it's not really funny at all. In fact I think it's seriously impolite. Not that's it's upset me or nothing like that but for people to judge something or someone when they know very little is, as I've said, impolite. Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick but I'm sure someone let it slip today. Perhaps I should pay more care and attention about what I say and to whom; and who to ultimately trust. Then again I did not know at that stage how it would turn out, so I guess I'm just as guilty as anyone else. 

But I was just being open and honest; that's all. That and looking for some kind of understanding, which I was given. So there's no ill feelings, none. I don't even know why the subject is getting any blog time anyway because I do not honestly care. Regardless of anything else I have, true to form, now become protective; there's the major issue behind all this. I just wish I could erase some of the things I have shared in the past from memory. 

If nothing else I guess we hope to live, to learn, to meet a cute guy and become boyfriends. I dared to believe in that hope, it continues to make me VERY HAPPY. 

Everything else is just fiction, your fiction and not mine. Love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Go figure

I missed the punch line to a joke somewhere along the lines today; I knew the joke was on me but I could not fathom it out, I still can't to be honest. I was asked by three male colleagues at work where had I bought the mood ring I wear, which is an innocent enough question. Now, I kind of hesitated slightly before telling them I had no idea because my boyfriend bought it me, which is an innocent enough answer. However, the answer resulted in fits of laughter from my colleagues, they found it seriously funny. Why? Exactly, I don't know either. Not that I took offence or anything but I just could not figure out where the punch line was.

They all know I'm gay and so to find out I have a boyfriend is no big deal is it? If I'd said my girlfriend bought it me then I could fully understand the humour, a gay men going with a girl. That said I think my work colleagues have been seriously cool with my sexuality. Most of them are male and as far as I'm aware straight, so I expected some negativity. But there's been none of it, they've all just accepted the fact and got on with life. And I like being open, honest and talking about it, there's no shame in it; and they've let me. I also like to share a laugh and a joke about it and I get plenty of opportunity to indulge. So, come on guys, let me in on the punch line to this one, it mystifies me. 

Oh, and why was I hesitant to tell them my boyfriend bought it me? Well, what status my relationship is at, is my business and no-one else's. That's all, I was just being protective; they had nothing to gain from knowing anything further. Which is kind of stupid admittedly because it's spelt out quite clearly on this blog. But still he is simply a boy and a very close friend, which like the missing punch line, you may go figure the rest!

Repetitive strain injury

I was talking to a friend today who told me the most funny personal story I've heard in a long time. It is just so bizarre and surreal you may think it's not true, but trust me it is because I have seen the truth.

You see this friend has got a wound in their mouth on the inside of the cheek; and they've got it from over zealously giving head, seriously. It's kind of worn away the skin on the inside of the cheek and left a groove from the pressure. I didn't believe a word of this story myself until they let me have a look and I swear to you it's the truth. I'm also convinced there were some blisters forming in there. 

Can you imagine the friction caused to wear away the skin and leave blisters? No? Well, I can't either. I thought I gave a great deal of head but I've never suffered an injury like that, so it can only be left to the imagination how much head has been given in this instance. Not that I blame or ridicule them; I think it's proper cool and worth major kudos. 

I mean how many times in your lifetime can you say that you know a friend that has suffered a repetitive strain injury from giving head? If nothing else perhaps they could sue their partner for the injury caused; can you imagine that? The amount of press coverage that would get if it ever went to Court, they would become a household name, end up on Sky News and sat on the sofa with Richard & Judy. Oh, the fame. Or should that be infamy? Oh gosh, can I represent you if it ever goes to Court?

Call off the search

A major thank you to Zak from North Carolina who sent me the mp3 file for Dirty White Boy via email; you're very kind and it's very much appreciated. I've got it installed as the ring tone on my phone and it sounds great; and the irony in the song makes me laugh so much - star man!

Thanks for your kind words too, I'm glad this blog thing I do here makes some connection, means something to others and if nothing else gives some entertainment and laughter. I'm not sure if I'm that brave in doing this blog, as I've always maintained for the most part, I share only what I'm comfortable in sharing. That said I have gone too far on occasions but that's my personality reflected on here. But yes, I do like to put a spin on a story and make it funny, life would be so boring without laughter and I do try and see the funny side of everything. 

Talking of making connections, doesn't the internet make the world such a small place? I mean these words I place upon here can reach out and touch a guy called Zak from the United States, it's just awesome when you sit back and think about it. 

Thanks again my friend, thanks for the email and look out for the reply in your inbox. 

Dirty white boy

Just before I head off to bed I must tell you this. I was at work today when I heard a song being played on the radio which made me laugh so much. It's the first time I'd ever heard the song but the timing was sheer perfection. It was "Dirty White Boy" by Foreigner and the opening lyrics are just so appropriate:

Hey, baby, if youre feelin down
I know whats good for you all day
Are you worried what your friends see
Will it ruin your reputation lovin me

cause Im a dirty white boy
Yeah a dirty white boy
A dirty white boy

Its the "Will it ruin your reputation lovin' me" lyric that did it for me, made me laugh so much; that and the whole chorus. I don't need to explain any further do I? Anyway I so want the song as the ring tone on my mobile phone. So if anyone out there in blogger world could be so kind as to email me the mp3 it would be much appreciated. 

I'm off to get some sleep, goodnight friends, sweet dreams xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Soooooooooooooooooo tired!

Is it right to share so much information with you on here blogger friends? Particularly when it comes to sex? In a word, yes! It's fine, this is my blog and these are excerpts from my life, I have sex, as I'm sure most people do, so it goes on the blog. I think I did it very diplomatically anyway and it needed to be shared because it was so fantastic. 

Regardless of anything I think people find it difficult to talk about gay sex for whatever reason, so I've just dismissed that notion. I mean lets get it in perspective here, it's just two guys who fancy each other having sex, that's all. And trust me if a straight guy ever had the experience that I had last night he would think twice; but hey, their loss not mine!

Anyway, I'm digressing here, let's get back onto subject. Today I have just been so tired, seriously tired, to the point where it felt like I was dying on my feet. I have never felt so drained in recent memory and I won't be long from my bed tonight (I will be alone tonight so I will be sleeping). But it was worth it, every waking second of my tiresome day, it was worth it. Throughout the day I could still recall the sensations, still remember where it shook me to the core, where it made me squirm in total delight (oh gosh, here I go again). To be honest I was still on a high until early afternoon and I wasn't shy in sharing my good fortune..........

Apologies anyway to my friends who received a text message from me at whatever time it was last night announcing what is now so obvious. I hope I didn't wake any of you from your slumber or disturb you if you were lucky enough to be doing something similar.

(Does this post read right. It sure doesn't to me, it's my tired mind - I can't string a complete sentence together correctly, never mind a couple of paragraphs).

Soooooooooooooooooo good!

That last post is not nearly the truth, it is much better than that; it has just been so much better than that. It has just gone off any kind of scale that could possibly measure it. Just DAMN, that was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. 

There must be a million, billion nerve endings hidden up there; and this is way too much information but................. oh man, oh babes, oh there is a heaven above us; there's got to be - there's no doubt in my mind. 

Gosh, I have been so horny this week and if I told you how many times since Saturday you would talk about me; you would call me a man-slut. If you do call it me can we please remember I am now a one-man-slut. I don't mind being a one-man-slut, it makes me very happy and also makes me prone to over-share. But you should talk about these things, trust me if you were me you would talk about it, I promise you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The scenic route

Good evening dear readers, it's been a few days since I last checked in with you. Nothing's wrong, in fact it's quite the opposite, life is treating me very well at the moment. And to publicly answer a question once and for all - it's not because I'm embarrassed by the guest post and my post thereafter. Okay now babes? 

This maybe construed as over-sharing but it just needs to be recorded; it's been running around in my head all week and won't leave me be. So.................

I have never known a guy who could make me physically squirm so much in pleasure; you would have no idea. Just so much unadulterated pleasure, at times it is almost too much to bear. And it is such a delicate, gentle, erotic and organic experience; just so much different than how it's portrayed wherever straight people gain their perceptions from. Furthermore, it's just so much different than it is with a guy you can't remember the name of the following morning. That's just a means to and end, a quick bang for your buck but still, it's so very soulless. 

But to lay my defences down to someone I know, trust and love, oh gosh - the anticipation, the emotion and the sensuality are just heightened beyond belief. To just lose myself in those moments and revel in something else completely - a something that is beyond description, that I cannot comprehend, well................ it is incomprehensible. Man. I've even written poetry about it, something I've never done before in my life!

Sorry if I have offended any straight people out there in blogger world, there is no need to take offence, it does go on and there's no need to turn a blind eye. It is quite natural, I look at the same sex where you would at the opposite sex, that's all. When all is said and done I've just took the scenic route with this post to state the obvious; and to quote Nick Cave, "babe you turn me on." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Boy(friend)

The guest post below is just so true, you would have no idea dear friends. I don't mind admitting it made me cry, gosh I have been so wired into the emotion of the moment this weekend. Like a picture postcard the weekend has been perfect; and there have been many visions of sheer beauty before my eyes, oh my all from the same (boy)friend. 

as good as it gets

hi im a guest author on this blog. this is the first time ive tried this so im not sure how to write to you. its a strange thing writing to people you dont know. the owner of this blog has allowed me to write to you because theres somethings that need to be said about him. he wont do it because he does not see the need i do.

he does not see the difference he makes to the friends he has. he goes on about how lucky he is to have nice friends around him and how they treat him but he does not give himself any credit. last night we watched the film as good as it gets together. that film summed up the weekend spent together. just sat there watching him lost in the film and himself was as good as it gets. i have never seen anyone cry so much at a film. i have never seen anyone be so natural with their emotions i could look into his eyes and see his soul. there was nothing else but kindness and hope so raw it was unlike anything else.

he reminded me of the man in the film melvin. a man often not understood who finds it difficult to show his true feelings and can upset friends without knowing it. but through this there is a beautiful person trying to escape who shows it in flashes so true it blinds you. this weekend he has shown himself truthfully all the time. by acting so naturally and been so relaxed and talking openly and honestly. i did not know he could talk so much. the wearing of silly tshirts and painting nails and trying to be life and soul of the party is not him. he knows that we have talked so much. there is a time and place for those things but it does not have to be all the time. there is no need to be extravagant or to shock people. 

he has said it was a shame his girlfriend could not see him like this. i know she would be shocked but in a nice way. through all the times he has been less than nice the times like this make up for it so much. she would have been amazed. he loves you so much. 

you give without understanding babes. thats the most amazing thing anyone can do. you protect friends with your hope and love. when you lay down your defences and just be yourself it is the best gift a friend could hope for. i know it can be difficult for you thats why it is all the more special. thats why i couldnt think of anywhere else i would rather have spent my time. thats the difference you make to friends. never change. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Quiet time

All the cute boys out tonight will be safe; we're having a cosy night in. We've not done this in the longest of time and I so love just chilling out at home every now and then. Cuddled up with someone you love in the warm and dry; a few beers and a movie. The simple things in life are the best; it is life affirming. 

Referring back to my last post, I think this has helped my chilled out mood. If I go out, pretty much anywhere, I tend to get myself wired up beforehand. I do get kind of nervous about it and get a nervous energy which can manifest itself into the really extrovert person I often become, particularly when I'm out at night. Hence, the crazy drunken antics that normally follow, it is fun admittedly and I rarely cause any offence to anyone, I'm not like an in your face kind of drunk. But still, it's not the real me; and if I'm with someone I know it's good just to be true. And I can talk without hesitancy when I'm like this; talk from the heart without fear. I guess that's why these posts tonight are like they are, kind of confessional and also why I have not posted the fun stuff I normally do when I've got a weekend off. I'm just happy spending time with someone special and talking to him instead of posting on here, you don't mind blogger friends do you? 

Time to go, please excuse me and I promise I'll check back in with you all real soon. Peace and love to you all; I hope wherever you find yourself and however you spend your Saturday night it is in the company of someone that means something special. Goodnight xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Real me

Good evening blogger world, friends and loved ones, tonight you find me in a super-chilled state. I am so relaxed and carefree it's unbelievable - I'm almost horizontal! This has been upon me since yesterday and I so wanted to blog it last night but could not find the time. 

You know where you have a couple of days when everything just goes your way, plans you make just fall into place without effort and the world just seems to be smiling down upon you. That's exactly where I've been at, just beautiful days, gosh I am so lucky. I was sat outside during my lunch break at work yesterday smoking a cigarette and looking up to the blue skies above me; it was a moment in time that kind of stood still, that seemed to last an eternity, I was lost in the serenity of everything around me. 

And this has made me so calm and relaxed around people, everyone; I have felt no need to portray anything but my true self, the defensive barriers have been lowered and I have accepted everything in my path. These moments do not come around very often, I know that much; so I'm just savouring it whilst it lasts, and I know someone else loves me even more when I'm like this. 

I need to try and be like this more often, I really do. I'm a changed person without any contradictions; I like being me pretty much all the time but I am so much better when I find myself, the real me.........................

Friends

Friends, what are they?

They are people within life who care for you and look out for you regardlessly. 

They do not judge nor criticise even when it is so easy to do so.

They offer you safety and security in your time of need.

They give you time when time is such a precious commodity. 

They make you smile when you feel like crying.

They bring light where there was once darkness.

They listen when you want to speak.

They offer forgiveness in an unforgiving world.

They share your happiness.

They see your dreams.

They love you for just being yourself. 

They know there is no greater gift.

I know there is no greater gift.

Than you.

My Friends.

Thank you

I love you.

You know who you are

xxxx

xxx

xx

x

Extreme makeover

Hello there blogger friends I trust I find you all happy and well? Me, well I'm just fine thank you for asking. I've told you many times how I manage to fill my days at work even when there's not a great deal occurring; today has been a fine example, perhaps the finest. In fact it was quite surreal at times.

First off I visited Ann Summers with a lady from one of the shops, who shall remain nameless. I love visiting Ann Summers despite the fact it is hardly geared up for gay-boys and I like the way it has brought the often seedy thought of sex shops out of the shadowy side streets and into the mainstream. The last time I visited I was playing around with all the vibrators and couldn't turn them off, just so funny. The rabbit vibrators have a control panel similar to that of a space ship, the user manual must be like an encyclopaedia; and could I find the off switch? In the end I put them back on the shelf still vibrating around and made off quick. 

Anyway today we went in looking at the lingerie and mystery lady was talking to me in front of the assistants like I was her boyfriend or something. I'd bet you'd like to see me in this and we could have fun in that; whilst I was thinking, that's the last thing I'd like to do even if I was straight. Just so bizarre, I mean she was really going for it and I'm sure the assistants were left believing we were a couple. To be honest I didn't think much of their lingerie selection, it was a bit boring - I've seen similar in Marks & Spencer, not that I deliberately shop around for women's underwear! Then we tried out all the flavoured lubricants (this sounds so wrong!) the cherry flavoured one was real nice but the pina-colada one was way too sweet. Anyway I was left with a real slippery hand (just sounds so bad again - there will be fun to had with the comments after this!) where I had been testing out the lubricants. Then as we were leaving mystery woman says to the assistants I'll come back later for my underwear and give him a surprise before she started to squeeze my bum on the way out. If I ever needed proof of my sexuality today proved it beyond doubt. 

After such an experience I needed something to calm my nerves so I took part in an extreme makeover; I was transformed by Laura and friends into the photograph above. I don't honestly know what type of fashion statement they were hoping to achieve but I think I ended up looking like some kind of old dear. I thought it was a young and trendy shop but they do sell all the accessories I was modelling; maybe it was just bad co-ordination or perhaps they were just having a laugh at my expense. I know for sure I do not really suit the image and I will not be revisiting it in a hurry; but it was all good fun. The weirdest part was the no-smoking dude was with me at the time and took way too many photographs of me and seemed to be enjoying himself just a bit too much, you know what I mean? Right sex hitting on me this time but just the wrong type of man. I believe you will be able to find all the photographs of me modelling various women's accessories on his Facebook page, unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what his name is, so I can't help you track them down. Maybe if you search for no-smoking dude it may come up, who knows! 

In the navy

Blogger friends I'm not going to leave you on a dour note tonight, it's very rare I do unless I'm feeling down, which I'm glad to report I am not. So..........

I was walking home from work tonight, hands in my coat pockets, a clear mind and just kind of on autopilot. When it suddenly occurred to me, I caught myself mincing a little, no joke. I could kind of feel it and upon passing a window of a shop where I could watch my reflection, sure enough I was doing a little mincing walk. Oh gosh I thought.................. how gay?

I've no idea why I was doing it, perhaps it was because my mind was just so unfocused and my body was kind of doing what it wanted to do. But when I realised I was doing it I still could not stop myself, just bizarre. And nothing has happened recently (I'm trying to pick my words so carefully) that would make me walk in such a way. 

I am well aware that someone mentioned I minced a little the last time we were out, but I didn't even take him seriously, I thought he was just winding me up. In fact I had forgotten the comment completely until it hit me this evening. I guess you were telling the truth after all. I guess I'll have to take more of an interest in being on top; either that or join the Royal Navy. 

Sorry repeated

Sorry to everyone I upset this week, I'm sure there are a few. It is very rare I deliberately try and cause people harm in any way, shape or form.

Whether you choose to believe my truth or not is unimportant as I understand that every person has the right to make up their own mind and hold their own opinion. 

And whatever your opinion of me is I trust it is balanced and not misguided due to any prejudices you may carry.

But if you choose to judge me on my perceived actions alone then you do not know me at all and should not be judgemental of me in the first instance. 

Sorry repeated....................?

A smile so true

What are you supposed to do when you find yourself in a place where you are less than comfortable and the only refuge you have, where you feel safe is unavailable? Because that place that used to offer refuge is now the cause of the pain for whatever reason? Those are the questions I faced today, you know, just when I think I've figured something in life, oh well........

I understand it is my fault and I am my own worst enemy at times; and I also understand I did deserve to be treated in such a manner. I guess now I understand how I sometimes make others feel even if it is unintentional, it is not nice. Perhaps such a fragile soul should not carry on in such a manner because when it comes back round it hurts. If nothing else it is a lesson learned and may help me be more restrained around those I do think a great deal of; time may tell.

But still when I started to feel it dragging me down I did something positive about it; this time I sought advice. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me earlier this afternoon babes. I appreciate it's difficult for you to take personal calls whilst you're working and I don't like to bother people with my personal problems anyway. But it was very kind and it helped a great deal, it stopped the downward spiral and got it out of my system.

Oh gosh, I guess I'm just kind of tired, it's been a long four week haul. However I'm looking forward to the weekend so much and can't wait to see your cute smile babes. I know no fear in a smile so true. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Fifth and three quarters sense

Today has just flown by Blogger friends, at such a rate of speed I cannot even comprehend it. Seriously, I do not know where today has gone to - time has just vanished today. Thankfully I have been somewhat calmer today, I've still been in a giddy and mischievous mood but not as in your face and certainly not aggressive with it. I think I'm just kind of looking forward to the weekend for obvious reasons, it's got me in a real feel good mood.

Anyway, the real reason behind this post is I have learned some very interesting facts about two of my work colleagues today. I thought I was the only gay in the team but I may have to reconsider this notion. You see for reasons unknown Derek W informed me today he fancies Brandon Boyd, do you know who he is? I didn't either, he's the lead singer with Incubus. Derek even made me google him to check out his pictures and get my opinion of him. Not my cup of tea by any means, but hey, each to their own I guess - if that's the kind of guy that floats his boat then so be it. 

So that revelation kind of knocked me for six as you may imagine but a worse shock was still forthcoming. Mike began being a dick-tease with me; no joke here boys and girls. He was bent over in front of his locker, striking a very homo-erotic pose as I walked past. And I'll tell you, your arse is kind of hot mate, not bad at all for an older guy. I don't mind admitting it was a nice sight, his arse cheeks straining against his work pants, I got a slight swelling. He's not the normal kind of guy I would go for but still, in an emergency, after a few brandies.......

I'm certain he did it intentionally, to grab my attention. I reckon he's secretly gagging for it, behind all the jokes he just so wants a piece of me. So if you fancy going for a drink sometime Mike just give us a call, you've got my number. I promise we'll have some fun and I won't hurt you, you may even enjoy it!

Today above all reminded me of the scene from the sixth sense:

"I see gay people"

"Where?"

"Everywhere"

"Do they know they're gay?"

"No they walk around like straight people!"

I think the movie went something like that anyway. Then again my sixth sense has never been that good so I may have misinterpreted the whole thing today, so I'll call it the fifth and three quarters sense. Just in case I misheard what Derek W said and misinterpreted Mike's actions, he may have just been tying his shoe laces. 

U & I

If you see this t-shirt anywhere within your immediate vicinity run babes, trust me. As you know there are women out there who think you're cute; and think they can win your affection by mothering you. Besides I don't want to share you and you're too hot for women to handle anyway; loving you is a mans job! 

It appears this may be a full time job in itself as the t-shirt was suggested with you in mind, I do not joke here. You are causing quite a stir amongst the female fraternity in Stockport; you're fast becoming an icon for the sexually frustrated. To help you out here babes I've bought you a pair of Nike running shoes, they were supposed to be a surprise but I've sent them to you via special delivery, so you'll receive them in the morning. Do not under any circumstances enter Stockport without them. 

I've also signed up a solicitor who advises me restraining orders can be issued within 24 hours, if you can survive that long. In the meantime stay inside behind locked doors and do not answer your mobile to any withheld or unknown telephone numbers. If you need company to help you stave off the effects of cabin fever do not hesitate to call me; I'll be happy to oblige!

And you were so damn eager for me to show your photo and wondered why I was so hesitant to actually do it. Well, herein lies the answer! 

Help me to help myself

Today found myself still in a very mischievous mood, perhaps even worse than yesterday, but again it was just because I'm happy. But still I know that is no excuse for some of my behaviour because I'll admit that I became somewhat aggressive with it today. I've not known this before but some of my humour was replaced by aggression; and in hindsight it was not nice, it was very ugly in fact. 

I don't know why I acted in this manner and it does not suit me; it is not me normally. I even acted in this manner to my best girlfriend; who is one of the last people in my life that I would want to knowingly upset. I'm so very sorry to you in particular; I pray you did not take any of my actions personally. Restraint, I know, I need to learn it. 

So here's some words of advice from someone very close who knows me better than I do and knows how to handle such situations. He posted this in a comment on my blog last night but it deserves a proper post; because it is the best way to let me know I'm taking things too far and may just help me to stop ruining friendships. 

for anyone reading this who works with him heres some advice to deal with him when hes in one of these moods. this works trust me i know. i have to put up with it each time we go out. its a wonder hes still alive. 
if his humour gets too much you have to tell him in no uncertain terms. STOP YOU ARE TAKING IT TOO FAR usually works. he does not understand any other terms. but try and not upset him with abusive language as then he takes it out on me by not speaking. thanks lol.

Possessed

I completed a "friends survey" sent via email by one of the friends earlier this week; it was a kind of get to know you thing with all different questions. One of the questions asked what do you do when you are bored; and I replied I usually think way too much about stuff in life that perhaps I shouldn't - a fair comment I thought. However, the answer was perhaps not the whole truth as today bore testament to. 

What a boring day at work, just mind-numbingly bad and it showed because a friend commented. So with absolutely nothing to occupy my mind, there wasn't even any eye-candy out and about, I made my own fun; I became seriously mischievous. I started by by piling furniture up against and in front of a filing cupboard someone was sorting through whilst they took a break. In my mind it was incredibly funny and very childish admittedly but it killed a few minutes in my day. Truth be told I fled the scene before the person returned as she kind of scares me anyway and may not have seen the funny side and hit me. 

After this I spent the rest of the day complimenting all, sundry and one guy in particular on their shoes; like "your shoes look nice today". It is just a bizarre slice of my humour that I find funny but it's a shame this does not translate at times. The one guy in particular seemed a little disturbed by my constant shoe compliments and became somewhat suspect of my intentions; which in my mind made it all the more funny to pursue. So I got other people to approach him and compliment him on his shoes; it was just fun, me attempting to cheer the world up some and occupy my mind. In the end I was tag-teamed, threatened with physical violence and their words became a little personal, humorous but personal. I guess I may have took it too far or my intentions were misread; but I didn't back down and my words became humorously personal back. 

But it all ended in smiles and not tears, so I guess all's well that ends well. The devil makes work for idle hands to do, according to popular belief ; today he did, I became possessed. Oh by the way, your shoes look nice today!