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Yesterday someone said I was a slag and a whore, I think the words were said with a hint of joviality but still they've stuck with me and I cannot get them out of my head. This person kind of knows me and I have told them some personal stuff, so maybe they are right, I honestly do not know for sure. I live with myself and maybe cannot see the bigger picture around me. Perhaps I need the intervention of someone like that, to label me such horrible words, to make me see what I have been doing wrong; if it is wrong? But there's plenty of truth said in jest, I should know because I do exactly the same, so maybe.....

It's not an issue with this person, in fact I thank them for saying it, I appreciate the truth over anything else, even if it is not my truth or what I want to hear. You are very brave. So I think it's time to call this episode of my life to a close and maybe sit back, think and grow up some. No more painting my nails, wearing gay t-shirts or garish socks. No more internet hook-ups, going out getting drunk, making a fool of myself and sleeping with men whose names I cannot remember the next day. It is not kind to myself and I do not know how I let myself grow into this kind of person.

So this weekend has been cancelled as a result, it hurts admittedly but perhaps it is what I need, some time alone to myself to figure out how it all went wrong. I have been foolish and I need to learn. It's time for a commercial break.