I didn't want to revisit this subject but it's getting way out of hand and I have not yet apologised correctly; I've always found someway to turn it around into a joke. I took some advice on the matter and perhaps the best way I can apologise is to post the email thread. It hurts me to share such private thoughts between two people with the rest of you but I hope it can finally convey how sorry I am for the mess I have made. This was not my idea, it took some persuading for me to do this, but I can understand how it may help. It just was not meant to turn out this way, sorry.
listen, just slow down and think about this babes. you really do go from one extreme to another!
first things first you are not a bad person, stop writing crap like this, it isnt true. dont think like this and put yourself down i dont like it. you are one of the most genuine persons i have ever met, i mean that. you are never a bad person there is no harm within you well except to yourself. i know you want to make everyone happy and that is a great thing to have but sometimes its not possible. there is no need to beat yourself up over it, its not worth it.
the problem with you is you think everyone has the same sense of humour as you or thinks the same way as you. you right the stuff on the blog because you want to share things with your life, give them some entertainment, let them know how you think. its good to do, i like it and im sure everyone else who reads it does and i can see the funny side in it because i know you quite well, i know you just as you. but some people even those who have known you way longer than me may not get it. you show them a side you want them to see and not the person underneath, if you know what i mean. they do not see the real you even if I know you have been trying hard to change this, that is what part of the blog was for. what i'm trying to say is what you see as funny may not seem the same to someone else beavuse they do not understand you. its not a bad thing but you should think first before you share somethings.
you can also get carried away at times, i know for sure. again its not bad i like to see you that way just living as you want to be, im sure everyone else who thinks something of you will do aswell. and you can go beyond a limit sometimes but thats not because your bad its because you are just enjoying yourself. you do not mean harm by doing it but things can get mistaken people may read something different than what you want. you are the only person i know that could start a fight in a gaybar, not deliberately but because people do not read your actions. dont change because of it, dont take it seriously i like you for being that way and im sure everyone else does also. and it is not horrible because you do not do horrible its a simple misunderstanding.
if your friends are anything to go by then im sure they will lay off you. if they understand anything about you they will know when to let it go when you are not comfortable with it. if you feel you have to tell anyone then tell him first, it wont be easy now, but he may just understand, see it was just a bit of fun that got out of hand. maybe i didn't help the matter by carrying on with it aswell on saturday night but i didn't know it would lead to this. you didnt either or you wouldnt have started it i know that.
i hope this helps, its the truth, i'm sick of writing now, i dont know how you can write so much on your blog. go easy on yourself heres some hugs and kisses to make you feel better. xxxx
email us back when you've read this and i'll give you a call. x
On 13 Jan 2009, at 19:34, arcticdreams wrote:
Hi sexy,
I hope you are happy and well? I need some advice, I was going to call but I need to make sure this comes out correctly and I need to read the words - let them sink in, does that make sense? I hope so.
Anyway, this blog thing with you know who, I'm getting some serious grief over it at work just people wanting to know who it is and pressing me real hard over it. And it's difficult, I'm finding it real hard to stay afloat, I don't know what to do for the best. These are supposed to be my friends but I don't know. It's all my fault, I know that much, I have risen some kind of monster and I don't know how to stop it. I think they read more into it than there is, but again it's my fault for writing all that stuff on the blog, getting carried away with myself. I know what's real on there and what's my sense of humour - I know you do too, but the others may not.
And I think it's the most horrible thing I have ever done to someone, I didn't mean it to turn out this way, it is not meant. But if they were to find out, if I did tell him then I'm sure it would hurt him you know? I'm certain he would not see the humour in there and just think I was taking the piss out of his him. I could fully understand that point of view too, I would not blame him. We don't get on all that well anyway, I don't know him and he doesn't know me.
I can be such a bad person at times, even when I don't mean to be. But I don't know when to quit sometimes and I suppose I'm the very best at leading myself astray. But it's beyond a joke now and I know I cannot run forever, I don't want to run, I just want him to know that it was not meant at all. I have been thinking I could delete the posts but people already know and have read them I don't think it would help.
Sorry, I just needed someone to talk to, I'm not down or nothing - it just pisses me off.
xxx.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment