So obvious

Ian just so knows I am gay, doesn't he? Let's not beat around the bush here (to coin a phrase - incorrect under the circumstances) it is so obvious. I have had this notion he knew for a week or so; he's been slipping sexuality and the like into conversations all the time. Then yesterday, he gave me a leaflet he printed off the internet about aids, a factual leaflet, no malice or nothing involved. He may even know about this blog too for all I know. 

I knew he would find out eventually, it was inevitable, everyone else at work knows barring the male management staff; and with good reason. They are the ones I fear, you expect such people in such positions to not judge nor ridicule; unfortunately this is not the truth on this occasion. I found it difficult enough to admit my sexuality to the friends and colleagues I trust and so did not want to face a barrage of abuse and insults from the narrow minded minority. Nobody deserves such treatment for whatever reason, never. 

Maybe, I misjudged the reaction I thought I would get from Ian, but I did not want to take the chance; I didn't feel comfortable with it at all. If he does know then he has been real cool over it, no fuss nor ridicule, and no direct questions or pressure to confess. It has surprised me but perhaps he understands it is difficult for me and if it makes me happy, then so be well. I've known him almost 13 years, so I guess he knows me better than most, to a certain degree; as someone else pointed out on here, sometimes I will only show a side of me that I want people to see. (Remarkably true observations my friend!) 

And I've not been overly shy in kind of making the truth be known to him through my humour, I have become somewhat brave in that respect even when he has been in my company. It does dishearten me some because I should have trusted him enough to just come out and tell him, but as long as we learn from our mistakes, then I guess all will be well. So, I'm sorry Ian if you do know, it was nothing personal, I was just expecting a reaction different to the one than I have got; and I should have been the one to tell you, nobody else.