Silence speaks volumes

I do not understand you that is my problem, perhaps it is something in my mind that refuses to make the connection. Maybe it says more about me than you, I don't honestly know. I have tried very hard to withstand the unknown in you but I just don't get it at all. It unsettles me, I used to feel comfortable talking to you but now it's different. It seems every time we speak there appears to be an ugly atmosphere hanging over us, it brings me down. I cannot read you at all, such a mystery normally fascinates me, but with you it scares me; and it's not the first time truth be told. 

There appears to be a hidden agenda each time we speak, there always appears to be something more than a simple conversation taking place. I feel a clinical coldness where there should be the warmth of familiarity, something is lacking. Perhaps it's mind games being played out or I am missing something real subtle, whatever it is I do not like it. Speaking in riddles and leaving open questions unanswered just reiterates this train of thought. I know I am not the easiest of people to get on with, to talk to; but I do try to bring my heart to the table on each and every occasion. 

I like being happy and I want to surround myself with people that can help me to achieve this; because I am a fragile soul, easily hurt and I need people who understand me. And it hurts to have to say this because you have helped me in the past but I do not see that in you anymore. Maybe time has slowly and silently drifted us apart, perhaps I have joked once too often, I don't know and, furthermore, I don't want to apportion any blame because it does not matter and it will not help. I try me best to get on with everyone and I do not like to see friendships turn awry, but when it only brings me suffering in return, well I cannot let this continue. 

I just hope I am wrong, these words are not meant as judgmental, it is just how I see the situation; and in my heart I do not believe you would deliberately set out to upset me. Indeed I will take this opportunity to thank you for being very kind and understanding to me in the past, it was much appreciated. 

My silence speaks volumes.