I want to be better

The last post 'Fare thee well" was a mistake, if it's still there, a very big mistake. I'm sorry if it has been read by anyone, it was not meant, I need to learn to just accept stuff more often; I want to grow into a better person. I am not any of those things that I wrote, those were bad words, and I know that I have friends out there who will help me, all I have to do is speak. Sometimes, for me, that is easier said than done, but I need to learn. I have come a very long in a short space of time, I have learned to talk, to trust and be honest with people. I have regained a lot of self-confidence and self-belief along the way; and I am happy with my life, with myself. But I can still come up short in the real fundamental things of life.

Today, I began sinking down, I could feel it inside and I knew I needed some time and space to heal myself. But instead of talking about it or telling people to give me some space I just hid it and carried on. It didn't help, it never does because it got worse. I took a comment from someone very personally, the comment was probably not even directed at me or meant in the way I took it, if it was. But it messed me up for a long time, up until this evening and caused me to blog the last post. I need to tell people when they upset me or when I need some space even if it makes me uncomfortable in doing so. I need to learn to ignore the stupid stuff that I know has no bearing on my life despite what people may say. If this fails then I need to learn to walk away from whatever or whoever is causing the discomfort in my life. I do not want to go back to the person I was before; the shy, introvert, scared, unhappy person. 

I appreciate that everyone does not want to be my friend and some may even dislike me for whatever reason; and that's cool. If you prefer not to talk to me I fully understand, in fact I would appreciate the honest approach. But for those that do wish to remain friends with me please understand that I do think a lot of you and I like talking to you because it helps me; despite what I may say or do to the contrary. I know only too well that I can take things way too far and say or do things that appear to be disrespectful; I do not mean to do this intentionally, it will often only be in jest - a joke that I have taken too far. I need to be told in no uncertain terms if I ever go too far in whatever I do; to learn restraint. 

I am trying very hard to be a better person, a better friend to those that want to be; but sometimes I will fail quite spectacularly. There are times I will need to be alone, times I will be hurt by the stupidest of things, times I will need cheering up and times I will need calming down; amongst others. I don't expect anyone to come along for the ride but it's nice to have some travel companions along the way.

Peace and love to those who try and understand me xxx.