Fading out

I discovered something today from a most unlikely source. I have realised I have been suffering from a late afternoon lull of late, which kinds of puts me in a downbeat mood for no reason. Today has been a good day, when all's said and done, but I was stood with Mike and Angharad late afternoon when Mike mentioned I seemed to be quiet and introvert. This surprised me totally, I like Mike as a colleague, but he's never struck me as one that would notice a mood change or something in me and comment on it. But he did and he called it correctly too, maybe my mood swings are not as subtle as I think. This isn't the first time either recently, I have good days and then faded off big time as the day fades away, for no reason. No-one upset me or anything it just happens. 

I think that maybe people can take so much from me, not in a bad way, but just the effort it takes for me to be around them, to be sociable. That doesn't really make much sense does it but I can't explain it any clearer. I also think friends and colleagues expect me to be the happy, extrovert person they usually see all the time, but that is impossible due to a myriad of reasons. And when I'm at work amongst it all there is little chance to escape, if I'm feeling a little down or out. 

I know I should not seek companionship when I'm feeling this way, I need some time and space to heal but sometimes I think it might help or I cannot find the strength to walk away when someone wants my companionship. Such actions may get mistaken for an uncaring approach and I know at times that I upset people around me without knowing it, so I try not to do it knowingly. 

But anyway barring that it was a good day and I spoke a lot of truth today too. I spoke to the friend that sometimes upsets me and told them so. I also learned that I sometimes upset them too, not knowingly - although I know I can take things too far. I hope we can sort whatever differences we have out, seriously. I also spoke a lot of truth in jest today, but I often do anyway, and that's another story altogether - one that's had way too much ink already.