It means everything

Hello again blogger, dear readers and friends I was not going to post again tonight but I changed my mind. I need to say something or more to the point I need to think out loud and you are the best place to think these thoughts. I just hope they make some kind of sense.

I have grown to love Sunday evenings and treat them as a time for quiet reflection; for all the beautiful things the weekend bestowed upon me. And I am sat here now writing to you in silence and darkness, save for the lights on the Christmas tree. It is such a special time, I can hear the rain falling outside, but I am safe and dry. I am warm inside - a contented warmth, of knowing that I am at peace with myself and I am happy. I hope it shows, I have not written bad stuff on here for some time now, only good and often funny thoughts.

I have learned many things about myself and the people that surround me. I have let the daylight into my life and have used it to see my life is filled with beautiful people and realised that I am so lucky. My friends are so sweet and nice, when I was so scared to tell them I was gay, just terribly confused inside, I used this blog to announce it because I did not know how to speak the words, I just had no idea. I thought they may see me differently, treat me differently and maybe even disown me. But they just carried on treating me like they always have done, no fuss or drama - no change, except for the better.  There is untold treasure in taking that first step, in being brave. Now I can speak those words, be who I want to be and see that people are still happy for me; because I am, as always, the same reflection within their eyes.

It's a sharing of my life, on every imaginable level, a sharing I thought I would never be able to do. I was once scared and that often held me back; sometimes I am still scared but I now know I can overcome the fears. And with that sharing comes new found joys and pleasures; a new outlook on the world, a new trust in people, new friends and different experiences. Perhaps it is wrong to pick out certain friends, because everyone has been wonderful, but I will.

Mandie and Gill are just the finest, who I have always got on with real well. But since they found out, that friendship has grown stronger, I truly don't know why, but it has. And their love is unequivocal, totally and utterly; it is beyond my comprehension. It could bring me to tears if I thought about it too much, seriously, it blows me away.  Just two of the nicest people I could ever hope to have on my side, who bring happiness, laughter and understanding to my life. And Gill is just the sweetest person too, she worries about me you know? I hope he's safe and being careful and all; I mean, isn't that just the most beautiful thing a friend can do for you? To look out for your safety, to care that much? 

So I'll take this opportunity to thank you, all of you, for being there, a part of my life; for listening, for understanding, for caring, for being a friend, for just being you. It means everything.

Wishing you the warmest and safest of nights my friends, sleep well. I love you xxx.