Than came the guilt trip over it - a long and winding road of guilt; and it's not like I don't have enough guilt at times but here's some more just to make sure anyway. Why? Does anyone know? Because I don't.
Perhaps, it's just desserts, I expect to be treated with cotton gloves whilst mistreating whoever I wish. The shoe on the other foot sure does not feel good. I don't mind people having a laugh at my expense if it's good natured but I despise guilt trips - people making you feel bad about yourself just because they can.
I think friends at work do not mix well, because I feel at times like I'm treading on eggshells, trying not to upset anyone or say the wrong thing. Then when you think you're on safe ground, well.... think again. I know you've got to try and get on because you work with them, and perhaps that is the problem, I cannot just walk away. It's too much like hard work, it unsettles me and restricts my free-spirited nature.
Tomorrow it could get even worse, it would not surprise if there is another guilt trip awaiting me for the comments I made to her friend on Wednesday, which I documented last night. Maybe this will be good in some respects, maybe it's time to stop communicating, to stop being friends. So I can say whatever I want without a hint of remorse, although I know that is far from a brave thing to do.
I don't know, I am just thinking aloud now, not meaning to write these words down, I don't think I really mean them. Just trying to get rid of this train of thought. I am dwelling on a head full of stupid stuff too much again, move on, sink or swim.
Women can be so fickle and tetchy (says he who is not!) I am thankful I no longer wish to have a relationship beyond friendship with them.
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